Above, a 1934 plaque from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem. Discarded as trash in 2006. Now a Popeyes fast food restaurant on Google Maps.
Recent entries:
•“It’s coffee and I need some Tuesday. Please excuse my incoherence, it’s still early” (4/24)
•“Civil engineering implies the existence of criminal engineering” (4/23)
•“Dungeness crab implies the existence of Dragoness crab” (4/23)
•“If you don’t understand why the Electoral College exists, you’re the reason” (4/23)
•Angertainment (anger+ entertainment) (4/23)
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Above, Big Apple Corner at 54th Street and Broadway in Manhattan. Google Maps. Stolen and missing, 2021-2024.
Above, John J. Fitz Gerald, from the Aug. 15, 1931, Binghamton (NY) Press, pg. 14.
Listen to Robert Emmerich introduce "The Big Apple," a hit song from 1937. Music written by Bob and performed by Tommy Dorsey's Clambake Seven with Bob on piano. Lyrics written by Buddy Bernier and sung by Edythe Wright. Audio provided by Dorothy Emmerich.
Also listen to a 1937 "The Big Apple" song by Ozzie Nelson and his Orchestra. See a 1929 photo of John J. Fitz Gerald and a 1931 photo of John J. Fitz Gerald.
This site is edited by Barry Popik. These are the Cookies and Privacy Policies.
“Blackened Chicken Recipe: 1. Clean chicken 2. Place chicken in oven 3. Go check Instagram”
Schmelier or Schmearlier (schmear expert)
“All I do is work, go home, blink a few times then it’s back to work”
“Blackened Chicken Recipe: 1. Clean chicken 2. Place chicken in oven 3. Go check social media”
Schmearlier or Schmelier (schmear expert)
“Big Apple” float (NY Daily News in Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, 1977-2017)
“I wanted to go to the gym tonight, but the avocado I bought last week will finally be ripe…”
“What did the Terminator say after he got his coffee?”/“Hasta barista, baby.”
Frankenjab (Frankenstein + vaccination jab)
“Blackened Chicken Recipe: 1. Clean chicken 2. Place chicken in oven 3. Go check Twitter”
Frankenshot (Frankenstein + vaccination shot)
“What flavor is the toothpaste in jail?”/“Imprisonmint.”
“Hasta barista, baby”
“Someone should start a rumor of a shortage of jobs so everybody panics and gets one”
“Currently standing in front of my pantry eating a ‘temporary’ snack…”
“I could use a foot massage, three donuts, and an orgasm”
“If we all just stay home for 2 weeks, we could flatten the gas shortage curve”
“What do jokesters eat for breakfast?”/“Pun-cakes.”
“What do comedians eat for breakfast?”/“Corny flakes.”
“Why did the lion cross the road?”/“Because he saw a zebra crossing.”
“What do comedians eat for breakfast?”/“Amuseli.”
“Why did the lion cross the road?”/“To get to the other pride.”
“Old math teachers never die—they just reduce to lowest terms”
“What do clowns eat for breakfast?”/“Amuesli.”
“What do calendars eat?”/“Dates.”
G"Why did the ghost go to jail?”/“He got arrested for possession.”
“Thank God it‘s Friday. Only 40 more years of working”
“How do you tell vaccinated from unvaccinated if they aren’t wearing masks?” (joke)
“Three types of people with more than 10 items: People who can’t read, can’t count, and assholes”
“My French teacher has retired. Adios, amigo”
“Are you from Harvard and can’t count, or from MIT and can’t read?” (supermarket checkout joke)
“I just realized why this month is called ‘May.’ It may rain, it may snow…”
“How rich are garbage men?”/“Filthy.”
“A boomerang is basically a single-player frisbee”
“Thank God it’s Friday. Only 40 more years of work left!”
“Why will nobody tell me what the lowest rank of the military is? Everyone says it’s private”
“Be a good person in real life. None of this social media shit matters”
“Be a good person in real life, not just on social media”
“A husband is someone who takes out the trash and gives the impression he cleaned the whole house”
“Be a good person in real life. I promise you none of this social media stuff matters”
“Be a good person in real life. None of this social media stuff matters”
“Be a good person in real life, not in social media”
“A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression he cleaned the house”
“Cashier in supermarket: You have 12 items. This is the 10 items only queue. Can’t you read?” (joke)
“Be a good person in real life. I promise you none of this social media shit matters”
“I could use a foot massage, 3 donuts, and an orgasm”
The Apple (sculpture in Hudson River Park)
“I could use a foot massage, four donuts, and an orgasm”
Stephan Weiss Apple Awards (2011-2018)
“I could use a foot massage, 4 donuts, and an orgasm”
“I wanted to go out tonight, but the avocado I bought last week will finally be ripe…” (joke)
The Apple (sculpture in Hudson River Park, 2004)
“If you needed a reason to unfriend me, I like pineapple on pizza”
“Banana bread is technically fruitcake”
“Knowledge is knowing carrots are good for your eyes. Wisdom is knowing not to insert them directly”
“I couldn’t find a parking spot at work today, so I went home. Looks like they had enough people”
“The CDC just announced you can stop wearing socks with your sandals”
“Drinking coffee in the morning helps others live longer”
Fauci Ouchie (Covid-19 vaccination, after Dr. Anthony Fauci)
“Treadmills are hamster wheels for humans”
“Some women want to be wined and dined, I want to be margarita’d and taco’d”
“I always say thank you to Alexa so that when the machines take over they know I am nice”
“New research suggests drinking coffee in the morning helps others live longer”
Apple Polisher & Polish the Apple (I Love a Clean New York campaign, 1976-1980)
“Every office should have an emergency puppy for petting just in case you’re having a bad day”
“I have 2 milestones at work: 1. Lunch 2. Leaving”
“Big Apple” float (NY Daily News in Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade)
“I sleep better naked. Why can’t the flight attendants understand this?”
“Every workplace should have an emergency puppy for petting just in case you’re having a bad day”
“The older I get, the tighter the companies are putting the lids on jars”
“I say please and thank you Siri, that way when machines take over the world she will spare me”
“With chains like Burger King, Dairy Queen, and White Castle, we need a peasant themed fast food”
“A treadmill is basically a hamster wheel for humans”
“I have two milestones at work: 1. Lunch 2. Leaving”
“Life needs more slow dances in the kitchen”
“I just joined a dating site for arsonists. Still waiting for a match”
“Why do the French transport snails without their shells?”/“Less cargo.”
“There’s now an avian strain of coronavirus. One flu over the cuckoo’s nest”
“Is Match.com a dating site for arsonists?”
“I joined a dating site for arsonists. I got a match straight away”
Great White North (Arctic; Canada)
“Danger: You are being conditioned to view your freedom as selfish”
“Why are French snail imports down?”/“Because there is less cargo.”
“Why are French snails faster?”/“Less cargo.”
“Why are the French snails fastest in the world?”/“L’ess cargo.”
Frankenvax or Frankenvaxx (Frankenstein + vaccination)
“I do not have ducks. Or a row. I have squirrels and they’re everywhere”
“I don’t have ducks. I don’t have a row. I have squirrels and they’re all drunk”
“Back in the Big Apple” (Where Has Tommy Flowers Gone? play, 1971)
MSNPC (MSNBC nickname)
Cuomo News Network (CNN nickname)
Cuomo News Network (CNN nickname)
Frankenvaxx or Frankenvax (Frankenstein + vaccination)
“I don’t have ducks. Or a row. I have squirrels. And they’re at a rave”
“I don’t have ducks or a row. I have chickens and they are everywhere”
“An email after 3pm on a Friday is next week’s concern”
“How many stars are in the sky?”/“All of them.”
Big Apple Ball (charity ball, May 1973)
“Cucumbers are just tasteless watermelons”
“What were restaurants called during the Jurassic?”/“Diner-saurs.”