“Prawnography: (n) - a documentary on shrimp”

“Two peanuts walk out of a bar…” (bar joke)

“Counting past thirty-nine is not my forte”

Quaranteaming (quarantine + teaming)

“Hackers need to step the fuck up and delete everyone’s student loans”

“Counting past 39 is not my forte”

“Two peanuts walk into a bar…” (bar joke)

“I had heard so much raving about ‘The Big Apple,’ as it was called” (Malcolm X, 1964)

Pandejo (pandemia/pandemic + pendejo)

Quaranteam (quarantine + team)

“Be not dismayed cause dis June”

“‘It’s June already?!’ said Tom, dismayed”

“It’s June 1st! We’re all dismayed”

“Don’t be dismayed, be disjuned”

“The Complete Shrimp Cookbook is pure prawnography”

“What do shrimp watch when they’re horny?”/“Prawnography.”

“Is it OK to be dismayed on June 1st?”

“Pole vaulting is the opposite of limbo”

“How does an eggplant get to work?”/“In an Uber-gine”

“After all this bullshit, we better be in the next bible”

“First day running my family fruit & veg delivery service and my wife is already driving me bananas”

“Pole vaulting is just reverse limbo”

“A chicken and an egg walk into a bar…” (bar joke)

“If Lunchables exist, why don’t Breakfastables and Dinnerables?”

“I can play by ear, but it’s much easier if I use my hands” (music joke)

Big Apple Donuts & Coffee (Malaysia chain, 2007-present)

“Dark chocolate is at least 60% coco beans therefore it’s a vegetable”

“These fruit delivery trucks are driving me bananas”

“One’s gotta have good credit. That’s why it’s called a significant other (sign-if-I-can’t)”

“I had to fire our fruit delivery guy this morning. He was driving me bananas”

“If this weekend goes as planned, it will not include any actual plans”

“Lunchables should really start making Breakfastables and Dinnerables so that I can stop cooking”

“I forgot how expensive outside was” (after quarantine)

“Behind every great man is the drawer I need to get into. Why are you even in the kitchen right now”

“If you eat Lunchables for breakfast, does that make them Breakfastables?”

“Why did the cowboy buy a dachshund?”/“He wanted to get a long little doggy.”

“A crab walks into a bar…” (bar joke)

“Made some mac n cheese without having to retrieve the box instructions from the trash…”

“Every kiss begins with queso”

“I love it when a flan comes together”

Aunt Chovie (“anchovy” pun)

“Sugar, eggs, milk…I love it when a flan comes together”

Aunt Chovy (“anchovy” pun)

“There are Lunchables, but no Breakfastables”

“Why did the cowboy buy a dachshund?”/“He wanted to get a long little doggy.”

“What’s a pizza’s favorite relative?”/“Aunt Chovie.”

“A TV channel dedicated to 24-hour cricket coverage should be called ‘No Rest For The Wicket’”

“What’s a pizza’s favorite relative?”/“Aunt Chovy.”

“My dad’s sister is a fish. She’s my Aunt Chovy”

“I heard that cricket matches can last for days. No rest for the wicket”

Big Apple Doughnut (Krispy Kreme donut, 2020)

“Even if you’re fully vaccinated, the CDC still recommends using your turn signals while driving”

“I forgot how expensive outside is” (after quarantine)

“Outside is expensive. Lock us back up!” (after quarantine)

Big Apple Donuts & Coffee (Malaysia chain)

Tacotarian or Tacoterian (someone who eats tacos)

“Forgot how expensive outside is” (after quarantine)

Tacoterian or Tacotarian (someone who eats tacos)

Hypotwit (hypocrite + twit/Twitter)

“Forgot how expensive outside was” (after quarantine)

“I asked my wife how to turn Alexa off. She said, ‘How about walking through the room naked?’”

“I hate peer pressure and so should you”

“When the computer asks ‘Are you a robot?’ maybe he’s just looking for his family”

“I asked my wife how to turn Alexa off. She told me to start talking about my fantasy football team”

“Sundays are no place for pants or responsibilities”

“I hate peer pressure and you should, too”

“Big Apple” lyric in the Joni Mitchell song “Song for Sharon” (1976)

“Yogurt is just breakfast pudding”

“When computers ask ‘Are you a robot?’ they might just be trying to find their family”

“Sundays have no place for pants or responsibilities”

“What flies around all day but never goes anywhere?”/“A flag.”

“What do you call a cucumber that can’t make up it’s mind?”/“Fickle.”

Covid Clown World

“Fickle as a pickle”

“What do you call a math balled?”/“A musical number.”

“The local rabbi invited me to a BBQ, but it was just a bris cut”

“I think we should get rid of democracy. All in favor. raise your hand”

“I recently tried the fruitarian diet, where you can only eat things that fall from trees…”

“What kind of music do surfers listen to?”/“New wave.”

“Why was the farmer arrested at the gym?”/“He was destroying his calves.”

“If vegetables are so good, why do vegans always try to make them taste like meat?”

Big Apple (roadside attraction in Colborne, Ontario, Canada, 1987-present)

“Sour cream is just savoury yogurt”

“Does anyone remember playing solitaire with real cards?”

“Why did Sherlock Holmes visit a Mexican restaurant?”/“Because he was looking for a good case idea.”

Big Apple (roadside attraction in Thulimbah, Queensland, Australia, 1978-present)

“I’m so old, I can remember playing solitaire with an actual deck of cards”

“Why is New York City called ‘The Big Apple?’ Wrong answers only” (2021)

Big Apple kiosk (Mumbles, Swansea Bay, Wales, 1930s-present)

“Sour cream is just savory yogurt”

“To clarify: Teachers are not ‘off for the summer,’ they are ‘in recovery’”

“Apparently ‘the vibes are off’ isn’t a good excuse to leave work early”

“To clarify: Teachers are not ‘off for the summer.’ We are ‘in recovery’”

“THEY call it ‘summer break.’ TEACHERS call it ‘recovery’”

“Baseball is wrong. A man with 4 balls cannot walk”

“Confucius say: Baseball wrong. Man with four balls cannot walk”

“Big Apple Waltz” (song by Sweet, 1979)

“Confucius say: Baseball very funny game—man with four balls no can walk!”

“Confucius say: Baseball wrong. Man with 4 balls cannot walk”

“Big Apple Waltz” (song by Sweet, 1979)