“If gay marriage is wrong, then why did we have four fathers?”

“But first, cocktails”

American Morons Association (American Medical Association or AMA nickname)

“American conservatives are pretty homophobic for people so proud of their four fathers”

“Why is there so much controversy around gays in America, when our own country had four fathers?”

American Moron Association (American Medical Association or AMA nickname)

“How does a southerner ask for money from a bank?”/“With drawl.”

National Institutes of Hope (National Institutes of Health or NIH nickname)

New World Odor (New World Order + odor)

National Institute of Hypocrisy (National Institutes of Health or NIH nickname)

National Institutes of Hell (National Institutes of Health or NIH nickname)

“What do you call the pants that have your car keys?”/“Khaki pants.”

“Bananas are just jungle sausages”

“Sometimes opening your eyes may be the most painful thing you ever have to do”

“Children should be taught how to think, not what to think”

“Bananas are just vegetarian sausages”

“What color can you use to start your car?”/“Khaki”

“Children must be taught how to think, not what to think”

“Bananas are just vegan sausages”

“Which color can open your vehicle?”/“Khaki.”

“Bananas are just tree sausages”

“Bananas are just fruit sausages”

“Bananas are just yellow sausages”

“Sausages are just meat bananas”

“Fight 4 your freedom like you fought 4 toilet paper”

“Why don’t eggs taste like chicken?”

Pandemic of the Unvaccinated

“The Met Gala is just Final Fantasy cosplay for rich people”

“Fight for your freedom like you fought for toilet paper”

“Of all the things that taste like chicken, it’s weird that eggs are not one of them”

“What’s the difference between a violist and a dog?”/“The dog knows when to stop scratching.”

“The Met Gala is just Halloween for rich people”

“What’s a Met Gala?”/“A type of apple found in New York. Also why it’s called the Big Apple.”

“What’s the difference between a violinist and a dog?”/“The dog knows when to stop scratching.”

“The Met Gala is Halloween for celebrities”

“The Met Gala is like a bougie Halloween party”

“Met Gala is just Burning Man for rich(er) people”

“The Met Gala is Burning Man for people named in the Panama Papers”

“The Met Gala is just boujee Halloween”

“I used to be in a band called Gravy and Onions. We covered Meat Loaf”

“What’s the difference between a DJ and a dog?”/“The dog knows when to stop scratching.”

No Vax. No Visit (vaccination and visitation policy)

“Why do we drink water?”/“Because we can’t eat it.”

“Every twenty minute job is one broken bolt away from becoming a three day ordeal”

“If you’ve ever wondered whether you would have complied during 1930s Germany, now you know”

“Boudin is like sex. Even if you have to buy it at a truck stop it’s still pretty good”

“Met Gala is the ugly sweater contest for the upper class”

“Remember, it didn’t start with gas chambers. It started with politicians dividing people…”

“Geometry is actually pretty cool. You just have to look at it from the Right Angle”

“It didn’t start with the gas chambers. It started with one party controlling the media…”

“The only carbon they want to reduce is you”

“Inflation is spicy theft”

“You are the carbon they want to eliminate”

“You are the carbon they want to reduce”

“Imagine taking orders from liars, thieves, pedophiles, psychopaths and mass murderers…”

“You don’t believe you’ve been lied to and brainwashed because…you’ve been lied to”

“I’ve started a band and called it ‘Books.’ So no one can judge us by our covers”

“Inflation is just spicy theft”

“I am 100% in support of mandatory vacations for everyone and booster vacations every 4 months”

“My dream job is to work for a manufacturer of lamps because of the light workload”

“Imagine taking orders from pedophiles, psychopaths and mass murderers…”

Covid Death Cult (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention or CDC nickname)

“Chicken nuggets are just chicken meatballs”

“Croquettes are the adult chicken nuggets”

“A chicken nugget is a meatball”

“The protected need to be protected from the unprotected by forcing the unprotected…”

“Croquettes are just very fancy nuggets”

“Croquettes are the French word for chicken nuggets”

“Croquettes are just nuggets that went to France”

“I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded”

“The protected need to be further protected from the unprotected by forcing the unprotected…”

“Kale is just collard greens for white people”

“Oatmeal raisin cookies are the original catfish”

“Oatmeal raisin cookies are just catfish chocolate chip cookies”

“The best vaccine is the one you can get now”

“Oatmeal raisin cookies are the catfish of cookies”

“They say the meaning of life can be found in a bottle of wine. I haven’t found that bottle yet…”

“The best vaccine is the one you can get the soonest”

“How much do s’mores weigh?”/“At least a couple grahams.”

“Kale is just hipster lettuce”

“The best vaccine is the one you can get first”

“The best vaccine is the one you can get today”

“Pulled pork implies the existence of pushed pork”

“You need to get a vaccine that doesn’t work so the vaccine I got that doesn’t work will work”

“Pork rinds are basically savory cotton candy”

“Tuna is the pulled pork of the sea”

“V8 is just cold tomato soup”

“V8 is essentially cold vegetable soup”

“Pulled pork is just meat cotton candy”

“Bad handwriting is actually a security feature”

“Rousong (pork floss) is basically meat cotton candy”

“Pork rinds are just meat cotton candy”

“Chicharrones are just meat cotton candy”

“By Newton’s Third Law of motion, for every pulled pork sandwich, there is a pushed pork sandwich”

Fucking Dumb Asses (Food and Drug Administration or FDA nickname)

American Murderers Association (American Medical Association or AMA nickname)

“Instead of giving roads the names of leaders and celebrities. if we give the contractor’s name…”

American Murder Association (American Medical Association or AMA nickname)

Centers for Depopulation and Control (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention or CDC nickname)

“My financial status: I just rinsed off a paper plate”