A plaque remaining from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem.

Above, a 1934 plaque from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem. Discarded as trash in 2006. Now a Popeyes fast food restaurant on Google Maps.

Recent entries:
“Two rules for this heat: 1. Drink a lot of water, 2. Watch how you talk to me” (8/14)
“Cup one is so I can get stuff done. Cup two is so I will be nice to you. Cup three is all for me” (8/14)
“I have been staring at an orchard to tell the time. It’s an Apple Watch” (8/14)
“I took my wife to an orchard for her birthday. Apparently, it wasn’t the Apple Watch she wanted” (8/14)
“Fake laughing with customers is another skill” (8/14)
More new entries...

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“Why are vampires such jerks?"/"Because they are incapable of self reflection.”

“Maybe vampires are only evil because they’re incapable of self reflection”

“This is the government our founders warned us about”

“Make any continental breakfast into an incontinental breakfast by pissing in everyone’s Cheerios”

“What do you call the first meal of the day at a nursing home?"/"Incontinental breakfast.”

“What would be sold at an inconvenience store?"/"Incontinental breakfast.”

“If a hotel offers bran muffins and prune juice, is that an incontinental breakfast?”

“Strip malls aren’t as sexy as they sound”

“Continental breakfast implies the existence of incontinental breakfast”

“This is the government the founders warned us about”

“The government can legally lie to you. But they cannot force you to trust them”

“If there is risk, there must be choice”

“If there is a risk, there must be a choice”

“Where there is a risk, there must be a choice”

“Can zombies do yoga?"/"Of corpse knot!”

“An unemployed jester is nobody’s fool”

“Real bacon has curves”

“Where there is risk, there must be choice”

“To the world, you may just be one crazy vegan. To the animals, you are their only hope”

“Don’t hurt people and don’t take their stuff”

“If you put peanut butter on a rice cake you can throw it farther”

“Strip malls aren’t as fun as they sound”

“A tortilla chip is just a biodegradable spoon”

“My favorite essential oil is bacon grease”

“What is the best way to tune a bagpipe?"/"With a pitchfork!”

“They say marijuana is a gateway drug. To what? The fridge?”

“Marijuana is a gateway drug…to what? My refrigerator?”

“There’s no better biodegradable spoon than a tortilla chip”

“Climate Change: Where the weather is always your fault and the only solution is more communism”

Satan’s Seat

“Grab life by the beans”

“Coffee: Because crack is illegal”

“Monday. Let’s go and grab it by the coffee beans”

Anti-vaccer (Antivaccer)

“Whiskey Wednesday. It’s like Taco Tuesday, only cooler”

“My immune system doesn’t have a long history of fraud, bribery, & disinformation”

“How to enjoy pumpkin beer. Step 1: Throw it in the trash”

“Hey, does anyone have a charger? My milk is only at 2%”

“Let’s grab today by the coffee beans”

“My milk is about to die. It’s at 2%”

“Chubby, single and ready for a Pringle”

“Fat, single and ready for a Pringle”

“Turns out you can just buy a birthday cake anytime and eat it yourself. Nobody checks”

“Freedom is not a reward for good behavior. That’s how prisons work”

“Pop-Tarts imply the existence of Mom-Tarts”

“Freedom is not a reward for good behavior. That’s how prison works”

“Smash the pastryarchy by eating all the gender rolls”

“Wine, dine and pocket-line”

Pastryarchy (pastry + patriarchy)

“Why is it there are poptarts but no momtarts?"/"Because of the pastryarchy.”

“What goes up when rain comes down?"/"Umbrellas.”

“What does a baby ghost need at a restaurant?"/"A boo-ster seat.”

“You can vaccinate the entire planet, but you can’t feed the starving?”

“Autumn is a second spring when every leaf is a flower”

“What kind of COVID vaccine did the ghost get?"/"A boo-ster!”

“You can vax the entire planet, but you can’t feed the starving?”

“There is no left or right. There is only tyranny or freedom”

“Ask your doctor if a drug with 32 pages of side effects is right for you”

“There is no left or right. There is only tyranny and freedom”

“Why did the ghost go to the doctor?"/"To get a boo-ster shot.”

“Peanuts being legumes, peanut butter is technically bean dip”

“Whiskey Wednesday. It’s like Taco Tuesday, but more fun”

“Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it”

“Common sense is like deodorant. Those who need it most never use it”

“I live for dried grapes. They’re my raisin d’être”

“Confused sultana scone seeks raisin d’être”

“I live for small dried fruits. They’re my raisin d’être”

“Dried fruit is my raisin d’être”

“A person of unspecified gender walks into a bar..” (bar joke)

“Dried grapes are my raisin d’être”

“What’s a Meta you? Gotta no respect! Wadda you think you do? Ahh shuddup you Facebook!”

“Triscuits are the only snack that taste exactly like the box they come in”

“I’m not a conspiracy theorist. You’re a fucking idiot”

“What’s a Meta?"/"Nothing. What’s a Meta with you?”

“If you are heathy, they lose money”

“The government has no plans to return your freedom. How long will it take to realize that?”

“What’s a Meta for?”

“I can’t work today. There’s a huge ball of fire emitting deadly radiation” (joke)

“What you allow is what will continue”

“Sex is cool, but have you ever fucked the system?”

“You’re never too old to beg for free candy” (Halloween saying)

“Triscuits are the perfect snack for anyone who has ever wanted to eat wicker furniture”

“If the broom fits, fly it”

“The poor pay tax. The middle-class pay accountants. The rich pay politicians”

“My job does this cool thing where if you do your work well, you get to do someone else’s work, too”

“Triscuits are what I imagine the inside of a scarecrow tastes like”

“The working class pay taxes. The middle class pay accountants. The upper class pay politicians”

“Recipe for Triscuits: Finely chop one scarecrow. Salt to taste”

“It’s called gradualism because it gradually removes your freedoms”

“My job has this cool thing where if you do your job well, you get to do other people’s jobs, too”

“FDA issues warning about black licorice for Halloween: ‘It tastes like shit‘“

“What do you call a Karen on Halloween?"/"A trigger treater.”

“Poor people pay tax. Rich people pay accountants. The super-rich pay politicians”

Profishional (professional + fish/fishing)

“What do you call someone who is good at fishing?"/"A profishional.”

“What do Irish taxi drivers eat?"/"Corned beef and cab-bage.”

“The era of pumpkin will fall & northern winds whisper ‘peppermint everything.’ Minter is coming”

“What do taxi drivers eat?"/"Cabbage.”

“People with 𝚋𝚛𝚘𝚠𝚗 𝚎𝚢𝚎𝚜 still have ocean eyes. It’s just Galveston water”

“Normal people pay taxes. Millionaires pay accountants. Billionaires pay politicians”

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