A plaque remaining from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem.

Above, a 1934 plaque from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem. Discarded as trash in 2006. Now a Popeyes fast food restaurant on Google Maps.

Recent entries:
“You can be a night owl AND an early bird if your sleep schedule’s messed up enough” (12/6)
“I wish I was as thin as my patience” (12/6)
“Never read the last line of a play at a rehearsal” (theatre superstition) (12/6)
Graveyard Bouquet (12/6)
Entry in progress—BP (12/6)
More new entries...

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“You can’t fix stupid, but you can watch it in action on Twitter every day”

“What’s Santa Claus’s favorite drink?"/"White Claws.”

“Why did the bacterium fail its math class?"/"Because it multiplies when it divides.”

“You can’t fix stupid, but you can watch it in action on social media every day”

“What’s Santa’s favorite alcoholic drink?"/"White Claus.”

“Cells multiply when they divide”

“White Claw should release a peppermint flavor and call it Santa Claws”

“Bacteria multiply when they divide”

“What does Santa drink?"/"White Claus.”

“You can’t fix stupid, but you can watch it in action on Facebook every day”

“Nutella? Did the bank get rid of the old tella?”

“What do you call the new girl at the bank?"/"The Nutella!”

“Cilantropist—someone who’s generous with cilantro in their recipes”

“Why would a thief only rob a bank at noon?"/"Because even the clocks would have their hands up.”

Cilantropist or Cilanthropist (cilantro + philanthropist)

“What do you call someone who loves coriander?"/"A cilantropist.”

“What do you call someone who gives away free herbs?"/"A cilantropist.”

“What do the vaccinated and unvaccinated have in common?"/"Neither will ever be fully vaccinated.”

Cilanthropist or Cilantropist (cilantro + philanthropist)

“It might be called social media but all I do is share memes and ignore people”

“Betray’all: When a southern person betrays you”

“A Facebook stranger doesn’t like my opinion. Please respect my privacy during this difficult time”

House of Corruption (UK House of Commons nickname)

“What do you call a place where marijuana is legal, but alcohol isn’t?"/"High and dry.”

“A good part of online school is that there are no school shootings”

“When a southern person betrays you: betray’all”

“If you make a salad dressing but don’t like it, you have vineregret”

“A town legalized pot, but banned alcohol. The residents were left high and dry”

“What do you call a bad salad dressing?"/"Vineregret.”

“A Twitter stranger doesn’t like my opinion. Please respect my privacy during this difficult time”

“Nutella implies the existence of Mutella, Lamdatella and Omegatella”

“For every snowflake that falls, an idiot forgets how to drive”

Antisecco (anti + Prosecco)

“Wrapping presents is folding laundry’s asshole cousin”

“Appetizers imply the existence of deappetizers”

“What do we want?"/ “A cure for chocolate addiction."/ “When do we want it?"/ “After eight.”

“What do we want?"/ “A box of chocolates."/ “When do we want it?"/ “After eight.”

“‘Egg nog’ implies the existence of other, more secret types of nog”

Amateursecco (amateur + Prosecco)

“Pharma funds the media. The media funds your fears. Your fears fund your disease…”

“Women today are like the weather in Texas. You will never understand them”

“Although COVID-19 spreads mostly via the mouth and nose, scientists now conclude…”

“Texas women are like the weather in Texas—unpredictable and bipolar”

“Texas women are like the weather—so hot”

“What vaccine do occultists use?"/"AstralZeneca.”

“What vaccine do hippies get?"/"Astral Zeneca.”

“I’m so good Santa came twice”

“I am exempt from continual government bullshit”

“What vaccine did Doctor Strange take?"/"Astral-Zeneca.”

“I am exempt from government bullshit”

“Alpha, Delta and Omicron walk into a bar…” (bar joke)

“I don’t watch CNN for the same reason I don’t eat out of the toilet”

“I don’t watch Fox News for the same reason I don’t eat out of the toilet”

“Badminton is still better than worseminton” ("Badminton > Worseminton")

“I don’t watch CNN for the same reason I don’t drink out of the toilet”

“I don’t watch Fox News for the same reason I don’t drink out of the toilet”

“Since everyone started washing their hands, the peanuts at the bar have lost their taste”

“If you pretend I’m wearing a mask, I’ll pretend yours works”

“The only thing in Texas that changes faster than the weather is a woman’s mind”

“Why should you enjoy the music at the entrance of a hotel?"/"Because it’s foyer entertainment.”

“Three Christmas spirits—rum, brandy and whiskey”

“Badminton implies the existence of Goodminton and Alrightminton”

“Three Christmas spirits—scotch, vodka and tequila”

“It’s funny how people get so angry in traffic on the way to work…”

“Badminton implies the existence of goodminton”

“Three Christmas spirits—gin, vodka and bourbon”

“Three Christmas spirits—vodka, rum and gin”

“Sincerity Affection Love Attention Respect Yourself” ("salary” backronym)

“Three Christmas spirits—whiskey, gin and vodka”

“Bank account: There’s food at home”

“If you make home fries whilst not at home, are they away fries?”

“Why is canned Parmesan cheese the most family-friendly?"/"It’s always G rated.”

“Only when you can see through the illusion, can you be part of the solution”

“Help your friend on a diet by replacing the light in their fridge with an air horn”

“Boy, did I call it or what?—George Orwell”

“Suggesting that people can’t live without government is like suggesting animals can’t live…”

“Shredded cheese is perfectly safe for children. After all, it’s g rated”

“Suggesting people can’t live without government is like saying animals couldn’t survive without…”

“I went to cinema last night and saw a movie about cheese. It was G rated”

“Baby carrots imply the existence of adult carrots”

Big Stem (Broadway)

“When you see through the illusion, you are the solution”

“The world is not full of assholes, but they are strategically placed so that you come across one”

“Smoothie King implies the existence of Roughie King”

“When you chop up onions, they force you to mourn their death”

“A smoothie implies the existence of a roughie”

“Fast food implies the existence of furious food”

“Substitute teachers imply the existence of domstitute teachers”

“Suburbs imply the existence of domburbs”

“Transfat implies the existence of cisfat”

“The existence of smoothies implies the existence of roughies”

“The existence of umami implies the existence of udaddy”

“My friend bullied and pressured me to go spelunking, so I caved”

“The existence of umami implies the existence of udadi”

“The existence of cardamom implies the existence of envelopeadad”

“Smart water implies the existence of dumb water”

“The existence of the umami flavor profile implies the existence of an aypapi flavor”

“Cardamom implies the existence of at least one cardachild”

“Cardamom implies the existence of cardadad”

“The existence of umami implies the existence of upapi”

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