A plaque remaining from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem.

Above, a 1934 plaque from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem. Discarded as trash in 2006. Now a Popeyes fast food restaurant on Google Maps.

Recent entries:
Entry in progress—BP (8/13)
Entry in progress—BP (8/13)
“Where can you get vegan beef?"/"From a vegetabull.” (8/13)
“When do you know it is time for the cows to go to sleep?"/"When it is pasture bedtime.” (8/13)
“What did the mama cow say to the baby cow?"/"It’s pasture bedtime.” (8/13)
More new entries...

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“The existence of umami implies the existence of udaddy”

“This Christmas, give your children the gift of STANDING UP FOR THEIR FUCKING FUTURE”

“Twitter isn’t just an app, it’s a lifestyle”

“Musicians are therapists that you can party with”

“Politics and crime are the same thing”

“December 25th feels more like a deadline than a holiday”

“Politics and crime, they’re the same thing”

“Musicians are just therapists that you can party with”

“Twitter isn’t an app. It’s a lifestyle”

“Christmas feels more like a deadline than a holiday”

“Christmas is more of a deadline than a holiday”

“Lettuce hearts are great for Valentine’s Day because they’re so romainetic”

“When life gives you Lenin, make Leninade”

“When life gives you Lenin, squeeze the means of production”

Romainetic (romaine lettuce + romantic)

“When is the employee Christmas party for self-checkout at Walmart?”

“When life gives you Lenins, make vodka”

“What do you call two salads madly in love?"/"Hopeless romainetics.”

“Sex in return for rice wine? For fucks, sake”

“When life gives you Lenins, make Leningrad”

“I want to start selling an alcoholic fermented rice wine spiked with viagra—For Fucks Saké”

“Cacti are just goth cucumbers”

“Who would name their company FedEx? That’s two things that I never want showing up at my door”

Vaccine Bouncer or Vax Bouncer or Vaxx Bouncer

“When is the employee Christmas party for self-check at Walmart?”

“Pickles are just goth cucumbers”

“Me: How much for the goth cucumber? Clerk: That’s a cactus”

Vaxx Bouncer or Vaccine Bouncer or Vax Bouncer

“A cactus is just a goth cucumber”

“On what charge was the guy arrested for rearranging his dinner table?"/"Dish-orderly conduct.”

Vax Bouncer or Vaccine Bouncer or Vaxx Bouncer

“The cost of joining the Roman Numeral Society was exactly $499. I didn’t have ID”

“Start to resist or cease to exist”

“Resist every day or cease to exist”

“Where do wasps go for lunch?"/"A bee-stro.”

“Onions force you to mourn their death”

“Resist or cease to exist”

“I ordered two large fries, not a hundred little ones!”

“I went to McDonald’s and ordered 2 large fries. They gave me around 75 tiny ones instead”

“What do you call baby snowmen?"/"Chill-dren.”

“If you can see through the illusion, then you are part of the solution”

“Legality isn’t a guide to morality”

“If you can see through the illusion, then you are the solution”

“Top Ramen implies the existence of Bottom Ramen”

“Snow banks imply the existence of snow bank heists”

“A snowbank implies the existence of snowmoney”

“Crushed ice is just pulp for water”

“Home fries imply the existence of away fries”

“The Grinch never hated Christmas. He hated people, which is fair”

“Ice water is just water with pulp”

“Snowbanks imply the existence of snow credit unions”

“If you can see through the illusion, you are part of the solution”

“Why does anyone need an AR-15 rifle?”

“You know a restaurant is fancy when instead of bringing the bill, they bring the William”

“It’s the Bill of Rights, not the Bill of Needs”

“I will be mailing out W-2s on January 2nd for everyone who was in my business this year”

“It’s a Bill of Rights, not a Bill of Needs”

“What do you call a fish made of 2 sodium atoms?"/"2Na.”

“If you want to look sophisticated at a restaurant, ask the waiter for a william instead of a bill”

“Just so we’re clear, The Grinch never really hated Christmas. He hated people, which is fair”

“What kind of fish is made of only two sodium atoms?"/"2 Na.”

William ("bill” at a fancy restaurant)

“Broadway implies the existence of a Narroway”

“Broadway implies the existence of a Narrowway”

“Nutella implies the existence of Oldtella”

“Baby carrots imply the existence of daddy carrots”

“Is expired Nutella called Oldtella?”

“Bottomless breadsticks implies the existence of topless breadsticks”

“Baby carrots imply the existence of parent carrots”

“Remember when everything sucked, and then the government solved all our problems? Me neither”

“Appetizers should really be called deappetizers because they make you less hungry”

“Shaved ice implies the existence of hairy ice”

“Grapefruit tastes like it’s trying to kill you”

“Baseball implies the existence of acidball”

“Prosecco is just Amateursecco that gets paid”

“Why isn’t a male coffee barista called a baristo?”

“Eggnog implies the existence of chickennog”

“Prosecco implies the existence of Antisecco”

“Twitter: Where people come to argue with jokes”

“Prosecco implies the existence of Amateursecco”

“Big deal, New York. I drop the ball all the time”

“What do snowmen call their kids?"/"Chill-dren.”

Baristo (suggested term for a male barista)

“I play a little guitar, but mostly I play the ukulele”

“Barista implies the existence of a baristo”

“Eggnog implies the existence of spermnog”

“Baseball implies the existence of cringeball”

“Modern baseball implies the existence of ancient cringeball”

“Egg nog implies the existence of sperm nog”

“I play a little guitar” (ukulele joke)

“Egg nog implies the existence of chicken nog”

“The restaurant advertised ‘Chicken Dinner $1.” I paid $1 and they gave me a bowl of corn”

“Big Apple” and the Dutch phrase, “to buy for an apple and an egg” (2020)

Potato Sauce or Potatosauce

“Why do we have applesauce and mashed potatoes and not mashed apples and potatosauce?”

“Y’all went from sheep to lab rats”

“If mashed apples are applesauce, why aren’t mashed potatoes called potatosauce?”

“Sending W-2s out to everyone who’s been in my business all year”

“The unvaccinated are not a threat to society. They are a threat to authority”

Potatosauce or Potato Sauce

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