Main Sewer Media or Mainsewer Media (MSM)

“Petroleum jelly implies the existence of petroleum peanut butter”

“My favorite zone is the cal”

Centers for Disease Contradiction and Confusion (CDC nickname)

“Canada Dry implies the existence of Canada Wet”

“I no longer identify as a ‘conspiracy theorist’...”

“What does a dollar bill say to another?”/“Never change.”

“Canada Dry implies the existence of Canada Moist”

“Sourdough starter implies the existence of a sourdough ender”

Mainsewer Media or Main Sewer Media (MSM)

“Cheese is just food glue”

“Nachos are just open-faced tacos”

“Tostadas are just flat tacos”

“Melted cheese is just food glue”

“Mayo is just food glue”

“Mayonnaise is just food glue”

“What do you call a quesadilla that gives you upset stomach?”/“A quesadiarrhea (case of diarrhea).”

“Pizzas are just flat tacos”

“Nachos are just open-face tacos”

“I bought a half-chicken at Whole Foods for 20% off and now all math is meaningless to me”

“Chalupas are just flat tacos”

“Nachos are just flat tacos”

“You can buy half a chicken at Whole Foods”

“Mexican pizza is just a flat taco”

“Forklift operators do not care for puns. They find them unpalletable”

“What do you call something that can’t be forklifted?”/“Unpalletable.”

“Fall in love with your bills and maybe they’ll leave you, too”

“Justice will not be served until those who are unaffected are as outraged as those who are”

“I entered a kleptomania competition. I got gold, silver and bronze”

“I’m not fat enough for this level of cold weather”

“Sopes are just flat tacos”

“Quesadillas are just flat tacos”

“A state of emergency that lasts two years is no longer a state of emergency. It’s a power grab”

“I once entered the World Kleptomaniac Championships. I took gold, silver and bronze”

“It’s 25 or 6 to 4 somewhere”

“Good days start with a great cup of coffee”

“A state of emergency that lasts 2 years is no longer a state of emergency. It is a dictatorship”

“It’s always 25 or 6 to 4 somewhere”

Quesadiarrhea (quesadilla + diarrhea; “case of diarrhea”)

“You can buy a half chicken at Whole Foods”

Changes Decisions Constantly (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention or CDC nickname)

Change Decisions Constantly (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention or CDC nickname)

“Crawdaddy implies the existence of a crawmommy”

“If the menu doesn’t have dollar signs by the prices, it’s too expensive”

Crawmom (crawdad + mom; a female crayfish)

“Crawdads imply the existence of crawmoms”

“Coffee helps me cope with the reality of having to interact with other humans”

“My tin foil hat won’t give me myocarditis”

“Coffee helps me cope with the reality of having to interact with other people”

Vaxxtastrophe or Vaxtastrophe (vax/vaccine + catastrophe)

“It’s not about safety. It’s about control”

“You know the food is expensive when the restaurant menu has no dollar signs”

“Once upon a time, there was an ox…” (oxtail joke)

“The old woman who lived in a shoe wasn’t the sole owner. There were strings attached”

“The little old woman who lived in a shoe wasn’t the sole owner. There were strings attached”

Hablanero (habla + habanero)

Alain Locke and Harlem Renaissance as the “Big Apple” (1920s; suggested in 1988)

“What’s the coldest kind of cheese?”/“Brrrrrrata. ”

“What kind of pepper can talk?”/“Hablanero.”

“What do you call a pig on a leash?”/“Pulled pork.”

“Mandate freedom”

Vaxtastrophe or Vaxxtastrophe (vax/vaccine + catastrophe)

“If you need violence to protect your ideas, your ideas are worthless to begin with”

“Going cheese hunting this weekend. Just me and some close friends, shooting the bries”

“Swiss cheese was invented when some cheesemakers were shooting the bries”

“Hey girl, your name must be Pfizer because you just made my heart stop”

“Hey girl, your name must be Moderna because you just made my heart stop”

“How many lives were saved by taping arrows to the floors of supermarket aisles?”

“Me and my buddies at the gun club often go to the cheese shop, just to shoot the bries”

“Any government that wages psychological warfare on its own citizens…”

“Today I got tested to see if I’m sick. Tomorrow I’ll go to the cemetery to see if I’m dead”

“Why was Sarah smiling at the gym?”/“Because Sarah-tonin.”

“The lesson is always love”

“Time to start replacing the term ‘vaccine hesitancy’ with ‘survival instinct’”

“Ice cubes float in their own blood”

“Ice cubes float around in their own blood”

“If you need violence to enforce your ideas, your ideas are worthless”

“Ice cubes float in pools of their own blood”

“Ice cubes float around in pools of their own blood”

“Life itself is a classroom and the lesson is always love”

Murderna (Moderna nickname)

“I didn’t realize that my parents teaching me to tell the truth when I was a child…”

“Makeup is allowed in beauty pageants, yet steroids aren’t allowed in sports”

“There’s no need to be perfect to inspire others. Let people get inspired by your imperfections”

Italian Hurricane (spaghetti with garlic sauce)

“There’s no need to be perfect to inspire others. Let others get inspired by your imperfections”

Splash Out of the Garden (vegetable soup)

“Delete the elite”

“Save the planet. Delete the elite”

“Fear is the currency of control”

“Your strengths get you into the playoffs, but your weaknesses are what will eliminate you”

“I found this on the local café menu—idemx rilgl. It was mixed grill”

“I like my women like I like my passwords. Short and insecure”

“I like my men like I like my passwords. Strong, long and forgettable”

“I just flew in from a ravioli convention. Boyardees arms tired”

“I like my men like I like my passwords. Same one for the past 20 years”

“My favorite winter sport is walking to the coffee maker”

“I like my women like I like my passwords. Same one for the past 20 years”

“I just flew back from a Spaghetti-O’s convention and Boyardee’s arms tired”

“I like my women like I like my passwords. Strong, unique, secure and randomly generated”