A plaque remaining from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem.

Above, a 1934 plaque from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem. Discarded as trash in 2006. Now a Popeyes fast food restaurant on Google Maps.

Recent entries:
“Shoutout to ATM fees for making me buy my own money” (3/27)
“Thank you, ATM fees, for allowing me to buy my own money” (3/27)
“Anyone else boil the kettle twice? Just in case the boiling water has gone cold…” (3/27)
“Shout out to ATM fees for making me buy my own money” (3/27)
20-20-20 Rule (for eyes) (3/27)
More new entries...

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“When probiotics expire, do they become conbiotics?”

Fake Checking (fake + fact checking); Fakechecking

“Did the government’s credibility die OF Covid or WITH Covid?”

“Did the government’s credibility die WITH Covid or FROM Covid?”

Fake Checker (fake + fact checker); Fakechecker

Fakechecking (fake + factchecking); Fake Checking

Fake Check (fake + fact check); Fakecheck

“Did the government’s credibility die WITH Covid or OF Covid?”

“Simple syrup implies the existence of complicated syrup”

“Let her go, Gallagher!”

“Coffee helps me play nice with others”

Ragtime Rialto (West 28th Street)

Ragtime Rialto (West 28th Street, also called “Tin Pan Alley”)

Rialto (14th Street theater district, pre-Broadway)

“When a clown moves into a palace, he doesn’t become a king. The palace becomes a circus”

“Don’t make excuses for nasty people. You can’t put a flower in an asshole and call it a vase”

“It’s time to clean the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside”

“I don’t get how people afford life without a job. I can’t even afford it with a job”

“Just don’t get how people afford life without a job. I can’t even afford it with a job”

“Eating pizza rolls is just microdosing calzones”

“I hate my job, but it pays for my alcohol. And I need alcohol, because I hate my job”

“Live life today like there is no coffee tomorrow”

“Easy like Sunday coffee”

“If a leader needs mandates to get people to comply with science…”

Little Berlin (Tompkins Square Park)

“The secret to living well & longer is: eat well, walk double, laugh triple & love without measure”

“Eat half. Walk double. Laugh triple. Love without measure”

“I knew school wasn’t for me when I failed an open book test”

“In my defense, the moon was full and I was left unsupervised”

“How do you photoshop yourself and still look ugly? That’s like cheating on a test & still failing”

“I knew school wasn’t for me when I cheated on a test and still failed”

“A spider just crawled into my keyboard. It’s okay, I’ve got it under Ctrl”

“The money in your bank account is one ‘state of emergency’ away from being the government’s money”

“My grandma is 80% Irish. People call her Iris”

“Two rules of business: 1. Mind your own 2. Stay the fuck out of mine”

“I have a friend who’s half Indian. Ian”

“I took my dead cat to a taxidermist, but they stuffed the wrong end. It was a cat-ass-trophy”

“Catastrophe: when a taxidermist mounts the wrong end of the lion”

“Why did the Tupperware lady escape from jail?”/“Because they couldn’t container.”

“Two rules of business: 1. Mind your own 2. Stay out of mine”

“My coffee looked at me this morning and told me, ‘Sorry I don’t do miracles’”

“Which cheese festival is the shortest?”/“The Brie Fest.”

“Two rules of business: 1. Mind your own 2. Stay the hell outta mine”

“You never know how strong you are until your power steering goes out”

“What does a computer frog say?”/“Reboot, reboot, reboot.”

“Arizona Tea is the adult version of Capri Sun”

“Take the masks off. Smell the bullshit”

“White Claw is Capri Sun for adults”

“Take off your mask so you can smell the bullshit”

“Be full of coffee, not hate”

“Why allow yourself to be full of hate, when you can be full of coffee instead?”

“Don’t Canada my Florida”

“Don’t Canada my America”

“Don’t Canada my Texas”

“Old software engineers never die—they just reboot”

“I don’t usually talk about my expensive trips, but I just got back from the gas station”

“Simple syrup implies the existence of difficult syrup”

“What’s the difference between a ruble and a dollar?”/“A dollar.”

“What is the difference between a dollar and a rouble?”/“A dollar.”

“What’s the difference between a rouble and a dollar?”/“A dollar.”

Pfuckoff (Pfizer + fuck off)

“What is the difference between a dollar and a ruble?”/“A dollar.”

“What is the favorite soda of people preparing for the apocalypse?”/“Dr. Prepper.”

“The only soda that will survive the apocalypse is Dr. Prepper”

“What’s the opposite of Himalayan salt?”/“Herastandin pepper.”

“I don’t usually talk about my expensive trips, but I just got back from the grocery store”

“What’s a survivalist’s favorite soda?”/“Dr Prepper.”

“If you are not willing to challenge your own beliefs, then you are your own most effective prison”

“How do I take my coffee? Seriously. Very seriously”

“Simple syrup implies the existence of complex syrup”

“Got home from work today to find my kids have been on eBay all day…” (joke)

“Olive oil is a fruit juice”

“How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?” (joke)

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