A plaque remaining from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem.

Above, a 1934 plaque from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem. Discarded as trash in 2006. Now a Popeyes fast food restaurant on Google Maps.

Recent entries:
“Actors have to dream to order” (11/27)
“Why did the television cross the road?"/"Because it wanted to be a flat screen.” (11/27)
“Why did the TV cross the road?"/"Because it wanted to be a flat screen.” (11/27)
“Acting is the ability to dream on cue” (11/26)
MacB (name used to avoid “Macbeth” curse) (11/26)
More new entries...

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“Yo mama is so fat, she eats Wheat Thicks”

“What does a vegetable wear to the beach?"/"A zu-kini.”

“Wheat Thins implies the existence of Wheat Thicks”

“Wheat Thins imply the existence of Wheat Thicks”

“What kind of vegetable never bowls a strike?"/"Asparagus.”

“What did the Romaine Catholic say?"/"Lettuce pray.”

“Come sit on the porch with me. The drinks are cold & the friendship’s free”

“There is nothing more grotesque than a media pushing for war”

“Monkey bars imply the existence of monkey bartenders”

“My buddy just got a job in marketing with Kellogg’s cereals. His job is Raisin Bran awareness”

“I led the pigeons to the flag” (Pledge of Allegiance mondegreen)

“I want to die the day after Congress is filled with honest, hard-working, bipartisan men and women”

“What is a Russian oligarch’s least favorite dice game?"/"Yacht seized.”

“And to the republic for Richard Stans” (Pledge of Allegiance mondegreen)

MICIMATT (Military-Industrial-Congressional-Intelligence-Media-Academia-Think-Tank complex)

“Extra virgin olive oil implies the existence of extra slutty olive oil”

“Extra virgin olive oil implies the existence of extra Chad olive oil”

“What does a vegetable wear to the beach?"/"A zucchini.”

“Who called them sandwich artists and not sub contractors?”

“I refuse to make my own sandwich. I rely on sub contractors”

“If Manwich changed their recipe, would it be called Tranwich?”

“Might have to start doing some of that shady Klondike Bar shit for a gallon of gas soon”

“What’s up, sir?"/"The opposite of syrup?”

Catchupcino or Catchupino (catch up + cappuccino)

“How do you make a Black Russian?"/"Get the BBC to remake Dr. Zhivago.”

“Every state is my enemy, but no people are my enemy”

“Pretty excited. Our loan was approved. We’re closing on a full tank of gas this weekend”

“Brussels sprouts are just cabbage nuggets”

Catchupino or Catchupcino (catch up + cappuccino)

“My wife asked me to take her to one of those places where they make the food in front of you…”

“Praising the government for reopening your state is like thanking your abuser when they stop”

“Praising the government for reopening the province is like thanking your abuser when they stop”

“Praising the government for reopening the country is like thanking your abuser when they stop”

“We give our heads and our hearts to our country. One country, one language, one flag!”

“Hash browns are just socially acceptable breakfast french fries”

“Hash browns are just a socially acceptable way to eat french fries for breakfast”

“Hash browns are just breakfast french fries”

“Hashbrowns are just breakfast french fries”

Tokambrian (token + Cambrian); Tokambrian Explosion

“Happy Women’s Day to Alexa and Siri, the only women who listen to men!”

“Happy Women’s Day to Alexa, Siri and Bixby. The only women to listen to men”

“Happy International Women’s Day to Alexa and Siri. The only women who listen to men”

“What do you call a coffee with an old friend?"/"A catchupino.”

“New dieting tip! Just fill up your car’s fuel tank and you won’t be able to afford groceries”

“Why did the illusionist cross the road?"/"He didn’t.”

“Just heard a British person call Oreos “chocolate sandwich biscuits‘“

“Frozen margaritas are just Texas smoothies”

“Frozen margaritas are just smoothies for Texans”

“I can’t afford a nice television, so I smoke weed and read the dictionary. High definition”

“What’s the opposite of syrup?"/"Madamdown.”

“New York’s the Big Apple, bub, the heaviest scene in the world” (Rolling Stone magazine, 1969)

“New York’s the Big Apple, bub, the heaviest scene in the world” (Rolling Stone magazine, 1969)

“Why don’t they just make the Tupperware spaghetti colored right there at the factory?”

“Why doesn’t Tupperware come out with ‘spaghetti sauce’ colored containers?”

“Get back to the big apple” (Ebony magazine, 1968)

“I wasn’t surprised when I was fired from my graffiti removal job. I saw the writing on the wall”

“My graffiti removal company went bust today, but the writing had been on the wall for some time”

“If I eat a Dum Dum and a roll of Smarties, will they cancel each other out?”

Yonkers: Little Apple (nickname)

“Big Apple as mecca” (Jet magazine, 1952)

Ithaca: Little Apple (nickname)

“We DO NOT throw away perfectly good food in this house. We put the leftovers in Tupperware…”

“Han Solo’s diet mainly consists of protein and fat… But he allows himself one carb a night”

“I’m on the Han Solo diet: I’m only eating one Carb’a’Night!”

Little Apple (Yonkers, New York)

Little Apple (Ithaca, New York)

Little Apple (Manhattan, Kansas)

Little Apple (Roosevelt Island, New York City)

Mini-Apple or Minneapple (Minneapolis, Minnesota)

“Your government scares the shit out of you in order to take away your freedom”

Fitacular (fit/fitness + spectacular)

Public Fool System (fool + public school system)

Public Fools System (fools + public schools system)

“If you eat Nerds and then AirHeads, do they cancel each other out?”

“Capri Sun is White Claw for kids”

“White Claw is just spiked Capri Sun”

“White Claw is just alcoholic Capri Sun”

“White Claw is just carbonated alcoholic Capri Sun”

“I just fired myself from cleaning my house. I didn’t like my attitude and I got caught drinking”

“I just fired myself from cleaning my house. I don’t like my attitude and I got caught drinking”

“While Alan Turing was cracking codes in WW2, his sister Kay was providing drinks & sandwiches”

“May you always have a clean shirt, a clear conscience…” (Irish toast)

“22/7 is Pi day. 14/3 is American Pi day”

“Pi Day is just a fake holiday created by math companies to sell more math”

“Where do politicians come from?"/"When a clown and a serial killer love each other very much…”

“I don’t understand why 14/3 is Pi Day. Isn’t 22/7 a better choice?”

“Think once before you act, twice before you speak, and three times before you post on Facebook”

“Think once before you act, twice before you speak, and three times before you post on social media”

“Think once before you act, twice before you speak, and three times before you post on Twitter”

“Think once before you act, twice before you speak, and three times before you tweet”

“Who steals soup from the rich and gives it to the poor?"/"Ramen Hood.”

“Who steals noodles from the rich and gives them to the poor?"/"Ramen Hood.”

“Why do leprechauns love to garden?"/"They have green thumbs.”

“Why are so many leprechauns gardeners?"/"Because they have green thumbs.”

“Why are so many leprechauns florists?"/"They have green thumbs.”

“What do you call those little green buildings inhabited by Irish wee folk?"/"Leprecondos.”

“What would you get if you crossed Christmas with St. Patrick’s Day?"/"St. O’Claus.”

“What do you call a leprechaun’s vacation home?"/"A lepre-condo.”

“Government is a corporation in the limit”

“I asked the teenager working at McDonald’s if the shamrock shakes were made with fresh shamrocks”

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