A plaque remaining from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem.

Above, a 1934 plaque from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem. Discarded as trash in 2006. Now a Popeyes fast food restaurant on Google Maps.

Recent entries:
“Instead of ‘British Summer Time’ and ‘Greenwich Mean Time’ we should just call them ‘Oven Clock Correct Time’...” (3/28)
“Has anyone here ever drank a pint of tequila? I know it’s a long shot” (3/28)
“A pint of tequila? That’s a long shot” (3/28)
“The U.S. should add three more states. Because 53 is a prime number. Then they can truly be one nation, indivisible” (3/28)
“My love for the truth outweighs my fear of offending you” (3/28)
More new entries...

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“Body wants sex. Heart wants love. Soul wants peace. Stomach needs tacos”

“Heart wants love. Soul wants peace. Body wants sex. Stomach wants tacos”

“Our Father, who art in heaven, Harold be thy name…” (Lord’s Prayer mondegreen)

“Only government can take perfectly good paper, cover it with perfectly good ink…”

“Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle”

“No matter how much you trust the police, always remember the police are trained to never trust you”

“No matter how much you trust the police, remember the police are trained to never trust you”

“Never delay kissing a pretty girl or opening a bottle of whisky”

“Dropping Latin phrases into conversations just to sound smart is definitely my modus operandi”

“Never delay kissing a pretty girl or opening a bottle of whiskey”

“You have to question the modus operandi of people who use Latin for no reason”

“How can radio stations claim to play today’s best music when today’s music sucks?”

“I bet centaurs never know who to root for at rodeos”

“If we start calling it ‘potato juice’, vodka becomes a health drink, RIGHT??”

“Air conditioning implies the existence of air shampooing”

“Hamburger Helper implies the existence of a darker Hamburger Hurter”

“Hamburger Helper implies the existence of a Hamburger Master”

“Hamburger Helper implies the existence of a Hamburger Harmer”

“Hamburger Helper implies the existence of a Hamburger Betrayer”

“Hamburger Helper implies the existence of a Hamburger Hinderer”

“Hamburger Helper implies the existence of a Hamburger Hamperer”

“Vodka is just potato juice”

“Vodka is just old potato juice”

“Vodka is just spicy potato juice

“Vodka is practically a health drink if you just call it ‘potato juice’”

“Vodka is healthy if you call it potato juice”

“Angel investors imply the existence of devil investors”

“There is angel investing. Is there devil investing?”

“One nuclear bomb can ruin your whole day”

“What if cats have their own internet and it’s full of pictures of us?”

“I think, therefore I am censored”

“The best librarians are certified in reshushitation”

“Nuclear war can spoil your whole day”

“A nuclear war can ruin your whole day”

“One nuclear bomb can spoil your whole day”

“Popcorn implies the existence of momcorn”

“Desktops imply the existence of deskbottoms”

“I do what I can to make the world a happier place. For example, I had my coffee today”

“Went to the bathroom without my phone… Just like our ancestors used to do”

“Went to the bathroom without my phone… Just like my ancestors used to do”

“My body is a temple. Therefore I am a church and exempt from paying taxes”

“The Institute of Unfinished Research has concluded that 6 out of 10 people”

“If you ever hear me order decaf coffee, I’ve been kidnapped and I’m trying to signal you”

Omnomynous (nom nom + anonymous)

Omnomymous (nom nom + anonymous)

“What do you call someone who eats food secretly?”/“Omnomynous.”

“When you don’t know whether or not someone is eating something, are they omnomymous?”

“A person with no face and no name who loves to eat is omnomynous”

“Everything bagels are the glitter of the food world”

“What happens if the average number of bullies at a school goes up?”/“The mean increases.”

Jewish Glitter (the toppings on an everything bagel)

“Poppy seeds are nature’s glitter”

“Sesame seeds are nature’s glitter”

“Poppy seeds are the glitter of food”

“Sesame seeds are the glitter of food”

“Everything bagels are just glitter bombs for your kitchen”

“Poppy seeds are the glitter of the bagel world”

“Everything bagels are the glitter of the breakfast world”

“Everything bagels are the glitter of the bagel world”

“Everything bagel seasoning is the stripper glitter of the culinary world”

“Philosophy is questions that may never be answered. Religion is answers that may not be questioned”

“Philosophies are questions that may never be answered. Religions are answers…”

“Recipes should include photos of the mess you have to clean up after cooking”

“A science teacher had his students observe and report on the condensation…” (joke)

“People are panicking and already trading sex for food. It’s crazy. Anyways I got a Klondike bar”

“People are panicking and already trading sex for food. It’s crazy. Anyways I got tacos”

Refrigerator Jenga

“I just paid my car registration. The roads will be fixed any day now”

Fridge Jenga

“Just paid my taxes. The roads should be fixed any day now”

“My favorite game is trying to take something out of the refrigerator…” (Refrigerator Jenga)

“The only thing that should be rising is the people”

“Live every day like it’s Pretzel Day”

“If you mix garlic with a hallucinogenic, you’d get an Allicin Wonderland”

Norvegan (Norwegian + vegan)

“What do you call a vegan from Norway?”/“Norvegan.”

“If you crush up garlic, does it create an allicin wonderland?”

Allicin Wonderland (allicin + Alice in Wonderland)

“What kind of music do lawn care specialists listen to?”/“Motown.”

“What do you call a plant-eating Viking?”/“A Norvegan.”

“What do you call a vegan Viking?”/“Norvegan.”

“What do you call a vegetarian Viking?”/“Norvegan.”

“What do you call a Viking who doesn’t eat animal products?”/“A Norvegan.”

“Guns cause shootings like cameras cause pornography”

Dimes Square (Canal and Division Streets, Chinatown)

“German by blood. American by birth. Patriot by choice”

“Mexican by blood. American by birth. Patriot by choice”

“Polish by blood. American by birth. Patriot by choice”

“If guns cause crime, do cameras cause child porn?”

“If guns cause crime, then cameras cause pornography”

“Guns cause violence like cameras cause kiddie porn”

“Irish by blood. American by birth. Patriot by choice”

“Italian by blood. American by birth. Patriot by choice”

“Texan by blood. American by birth. Patriot by choice”

“We’ve all played dish drain jenga. Don’t lie”

“American by birth. Patriot by choice”

Dish Drain Jenga

“Filipino by blood. American by birth. Patriot by choice”

“Greek by blood. American by birth. Patriot by choice”

“Viking by blood. American by birth. Patriot by choice”

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