A plaque remaining from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem.

Above, a 1934 plaque from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem. Discarded as trash in 2006. Now a Popeye's fast food restaurant on Google Maps.

Recent entries:
“No politician can give you your liberty because it was never theirs to give in the first place” (6/23)
Entry in progress—BP (6/23)
“What’s the cheapest way to buy a boat?"/"Hull sale.” (6/23)
Entry in progress—BP (6/23)
Entry in progress—BP (6/23)
More new entries...

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“Coffee: It’s like allergy medicine for mornings”

“Buy art, not drugs”

“Buy art, not cocaine”

“We’re glad to have you as our guest, And hope you have a good night’s rest…” (poem)

“It’s not the virus they want to control. It’s us”

“God bless my little kitchen, I love its every nook…” ("My Kitchen Prayer")

“It’s not the virus they want to control. It’s you”

Suddenlyitis

“Why is Pride month always in the summer?"/"Because Pride cometh before the Fall.”

“Why is pride month in the summer?"/"Because pride goeth before the fall.”

Coincideath (coincidence + death)

“Alexa, do the dishes”

“Alexa, wash the dishes”

“The secret to a clean kitchen is simple. Don’t cook. Ever”

“If it fits in a toaster, I can cook it!”

“A wildebeest walks into a bar…” (bar joke)

“You can always tell a dogwood by its bark”

“How can you tell it’s a dogwood tree?"/"By the bark.”

“Fight like you’re the third monkey on the ramp to Noah’s Ark”

“If guns kill people, then pencils misspell words, cars drive drunk and spoons make people fat”

“So if guns kill people, I guess pencils misspell words, cars drive drunk, and spoons…”

“If guns kill people, do pencils misspell words?”

“Throwing spaghetti against the wall”

“If you’re going to fight, fight like you’re the third monkey on the ramp to Noah’s Ark”

“Never fight until you have to. But when it’s time to fight, you fight like you’re third monkey…”

“What do you call a competition between lawyers?"/"A tourney at law.”

“I wish the dollar store sold gas”

Sudden Adult Death Syndrome (SADS)

Kitchen Administration Fee (Kitchen Appreciation Fee; Kitchen Appreciation Charge)

“I used to have a rock garden—they all died”

Kitchen Appreciation Charge (Kitchen Appreciation Fee; Kitchen Administration Fee)

Kitchen Appreciation Fee (Kitchen Appreciation Charge; Kitchen Administration Fee)

“They don’t want to ban guns. They want a monopoly on them”

Sudden Athlete Death Syndrome (SADS)

“As it turns out, 93% of my personality was just coffee”

“99% of my personality is just coffee and I’m OK with that”

“What do you call a bird that’s doing its best at geometry?"/"A trying gull.”

“A ‘conspiracy theorist’ is someone who figures out the truth before most people”

“Before you marry someone, go sit in traffic with them for at least 2 hours”

“As it turns out, 93% of my personality was coffee”

“How is a baseball team like a pancake?"/"They both need a good batter!”

“Why do pancakes always win at baseball?"/"They have the best batter.”

“Welp, paid rent. Now I got a place to starve to death”

“How is a baseball team like a pancake?"/"They both need a good batter!”

“Paid my rent, now I have a place to starve”

“I paid the rent… Now I’ve got a place to starve to death”

“What did the twice-baked potato say before it was put in the oven?"/"Damn, foiled again!”

“Why do pancakes always win at baseball?"/"They have the best batter.”

“Being in your own business is working 80 hours a week so that you can avoid working 40 hours…”

“Why do radio stations stop the music just to say they play non-stop music?”

“Paid the rent. Now I got a place to starve to death”

“What does a termite order at the restaurant?"/"A table for two!”

“Entrepreneurship is working 80 hours a week to avoid working 40 hours for someone else”

“Entrepreneurs are willing to work 80 hours a week to avoid working 40 hours a week”

“What would two termites order at a restaurant?"/"Table for 2.”

“I wish the dollar store would sell gas”

“I wish Dollar Tree sold gas”

“I wish Dollar General sold gas”

“I wish Family Dollar sold gas”

“There are but two parties now, traitors and patriots”

“We only have two parties now—patriots and traitors”

“I hate when people text me GM. General Motors to you, too”

“To stay out of hot water when brewing a pun, it is best to use subtle tea”

“Huckleberries imply the existence of sawyerberries”

“Landlords imply the existence of sealords and skylords”

“One day many will hang their heads in shame when they realize the evil they defended…”

“Landlords imply the existence of sealords and airlords”

“Reese’s are chocolate ravioli with peanut butter filling”

“I hate when people use GM in place of good morning. General Motors to you, too”

“Pool party at my house. Bring your own pool”

“Pool party at my house, bring the pool then leave”

“Please don’t hit me. I’m not 100% sure about my coverage” (bumper sticker)

The Big Apple (ice cream shake at Forty Deuce in Columbus, OH, 2022)

“Please don’t hit me. I don’t know how insurance works” (bumper sticker)

“Fight air pollution. Gag a liberal!”

“Stop global whining. Gag a liberal”

“Vote Conservative. If liberalism worked, you’d still be in California”

“Single women can’t fart. They don’t have an asshole until they’re married”

“If liberalism worked, you’d still be in California”

“Y’all know what’s never been recalled because of E-coli? Wine”

“Vodka has never been recalled for E. coli. Just saying”

“I’ve cut down on my drinking and now only have one vodka before going to bed…”

“So apparently 50% of homeowning is hearing strange noises and hoping they are made by ghosts…”

“50% of home ownership is hearing noises and hoping you have ghosts because you can’t afford…”

“Whiskey has never been recalled because of E. coli”

“Bourbon has never been recalled for e-coli. Suck it lettuce”

“I’ve cut down on my drinking and now I only have one drink before going to bed…”

“I’ve cut down on my drinking and now only have one whiskey before going to bed…”

“Adults on board. We want to live too!” (vehicle sign)

“Adult on board. I want to live too!” (vehicle sign)

“Coffee is just goth water”

“Black coffee is goth coffee”

“Sprite is just spicy water”

“Coffee is just goth tea”

“Sparkling water is just spicy water”

“Mineral water is just spicy water”

“If you cut off my reproductive choice, can I cut off yours?”

“If you cut off my reproductive rights, can I cut off yours?”

“Guns don’t make us unsafe. A government that bans them does”

“Refried beans are like Mexican mashed potatoes”

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