A plaque remaining from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem.

Above, a 1934 plaque from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem. Discarded as trash in 2006. Now a Popeyes fast food restaurant on Google Maps.

Recent entries:
“Instead of ‘British Summer Time’ and ‘Greenwich Mean Time’ we should just call them ‘Oven Clock Correct Time’...” (3/28)
“Has anyone here ever drank a pint of tequila? I know it’s a long shot” (3/28)
“A pint of tequila? That’s a long shot” (3/28)
“The U.S. should add three more states. Because 53 is a prime number. Then they can truly be one nation, indivisible” (3/28)
“My love for the truth outweighs my fear of offending you” (3/28)
More new entries...

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“The plain fact of the matter is that New York is much too good for New Yorkers”

“Whenever I hear the phrase ‘Power of Attorney’ I always imagine someone being bitten by…”

“Sunday, a day to relax, drink coffee, and just be”

“My emotional support animal is a chicken. A four piece. With a biscuit”

“My emotional support animal is a fried chicken”

Dementiacrat (dementia + Democrat)

“In the US, we have a candy holiday, followed by a pie holiday, next a cookies and candy holiday…”

“Fuck soccer. If I wanted to watch somebody struggle to score for 90 mins I’d take my friends…”

“I don’t like soccer. If I wanted to watch a bunch of guys struggle to score for 90 minutes…”

“Tupperware more like tupperWHERE THE FUCK IS THE LID”

“Tupperware more like tupperWHERE THE HELL IS THE LID”

“Wine consumed as comfort drink is an emotional sup port beverage”

“I accidentally left a blood orange next to a crip orange and now there’s fucking juice everywhere”

“Meat consumed as comfort food is also an emotional support animal”

“Headphones, shoulderphones, kneephones and toephones” (sung to “Head, shoulders, knees and toes”)

“Blood oranges imply the existence of Crip oranges”

“Blood oranges > Crip oranges”

“Headphones imply the existence of shoulderphones, kneephones, and toephones”

“Poppy seeds imply the existence of mommy seeds”

“Poppyseed is the opposite of mommyseed”

“Mean tweets imply the existence of median tweets and mode tweets”

“If you are a supervisor at a soup kitchen, does that make you a soupervisor?”

“What do you call hierophant vaccimulgence?”/“Pastorized milk.”

Soupervisor (soup + supervisor)

La Gran Manzana (merengue band, 1982)

La Gran Manzana (merengue band, 1982)

“What do you call the milk from a Christened cow?”/“Pastorised milk.”

“You can vote your way into communism, but you have to shoot your way out”

“What do you call a manager at a soup restaurant?”/“Stew. He’s the soupervisor.”

“You can vote your way into socialism, but you have to shoot your way out”

“A libertarian is someone who believes in the non-aggression principle…”

“Does the minister’s cow produce pastorized milk?”

“Do holy cows give pastorized milk?”

“What do you get if you cross a turkey with a banjo?”/“A bird that plucks itself.”

“What do turkeys have to be thankful for on Thanksgiving?”/“Vegans.”

“What do you get when you cross a turkey with a banjo?”/“A turkey that can pluck himself.”

“What do you get when you cross a turkey with a banjo?”/“A turkey that can pluck itself.”

The Queer Big Apple Corps (marching band, 2022-present)

Govidiot (government + idiot)

“The problem with socialism is, you can vote your way into it, but you have to shoot your way out”

The Queer Big Apple Corps (marching band)

“Life ain’t all burritos and strippers, my friend”

“Keep calm and gobble on”

“May none of your real feelings slip out at Thanksgiving dinner”

“Movies make you famous, television makes you rich and theater makes you good”

“$20 is like an adult dollar”

“May your turkey be moist and may no one use that word to describe it”

“It ain’t all burritos and strippers, my friend”

“Movies make you rich. television makes you famous, but theatre is what it’s all about”

“Movies will make you famous, television will make you rich, but theatre will make you good”

“$100 is basically an adult dollar”

“What do turkeys have to be thankful for on Thanksgiving?”/“Vegetarians.”

“Leftover lettuce is called the romainder”

“I skip Black Friday because my hatred of mankind outweighs my love for stuff”

“Who’s the patron saint of shopping?”/“St. Francis de Sales.”

The Scottish Play (name used to avoid “Macbeth” curse)

“Keep Calm and Never Say Macbeth” (or “Keep Calm and Never Say M*cbeth”)

Big Apple (Broadway)

“Save a turkey. Eat a pizza”

“Leftover lettuce is called the romaineder”

“Save a turkey. Eat a pie”

“Save a turkey. Eat a taco”

The Unmentionable Play (name used to avoid “Macbeth” curse)

That Play (name used to avoid “Macbeth” curse)

Mackers (name used to avoid “Macbeth” curse)

MacBee (name used to avoid “Macbeth” curse)

MacDaddy (name used to avoid “Macbeth” curse)

The Scottish Business (name used to avoid “Macbeth” curse)

The Bard’s Play (name used to avoid “Macbeth’ curse)

The Scottish Tragedy (name used to avoid “Macbeth” curse)

MacB (name used to avoid “Macbeth” curse)

“Acting is the ability to dream on cue”

“Why did the TV cross the road?”/“Because it wanted to be a flat screen.”

“Why did the television cross the road?”/“Because it wanted to be a flat screen.”

“Actors have to dream to order”

“I’m not chubby. I’m insulated. And winter’s coming. So I’m prepared”

“I’m not fat—I’m well-insulated”

“I’m not fat—I’m insulated”

Big Apple (Broadway, in columns by Walter Winchell and O. O. McIntyre, 1927-1928)

“It’s almost time to switch from your everyday anxiety to your fancy Christmas anxiety”

“It’s almost time to switch from my everyday anxiety to my fancy Christmas anxiety”

Big Apple (Broadway, in columns by Walter Winchell and O. O. McIntyre)

First Lady of Musical Comedy

First Lady of the Musical Theater

First Lady of Musical Theatre (First Lady of British Musical Theatre)

First Lady of the Theater (First Lady of the Theatre)

“There’s nothing wrong with show business that good shows won’t cure”

“Waiter, I’d like a bottle of wine.” / “What year, sir?” / “Right now.”

“Nothing worse than trying to text someone and a cyclist bounces off your windscreen”

“It’s officially ‘once I’m home I’m not coming back out’ season”

“I am not emotionally prepared for tomorrow to be Monday”

“It’s officially ‘once I get home I ain’t coming back out’ season”

“What is red, orange and yellow and doesn’t get hurt when it falls?”/“Autumn leaves!”

“Prosciutto implies the existence of consciutto”

“Prosciutto implies the existence of antisciutto”

“Prosciutto implies the existence of amateursciutto”

The Caledonian Tragedy (name used to avoid the “Macbeth” curse)

The Glamis Comedy (name used to avoid the “Macbeth” cruse)

“I’m at the airport and a man just collapsed on the luggage carousel. He’s coming around slowly”

“Time machine for sale. Previous day delivery available”

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