A plaque remaining from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem.

Above, a 1934 plaque from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem. Discarded as trash in 2006. Now a Popeyes fast food restaurant on Google Maps.

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Entries in the category Music/Dance/Theatre/Film/Circus
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“How many tenors does it take to screw in a light bulb?”/“None. They can’t reach that high.”
“How much to buy a singing ensemble?” (choir joke)
“Human statue street performers can be made to move by taking money out of the hat”
“I always wanted to be a Gregorian monk, but I never got the chants”
“I believe in censorship—I made a fortune out of it” (Mae West)
“I can hold a note as long as the Chase Manhattan Bank” (singer Ethel Merman)
“I can play by ear, but it’s much easier if I use my hands” (music joke)
“I can’t believe the entire Siberian Orchestra is trans”
“I can’t die! I’m booked!”
“I can’t speak for anyone else, but I think I’m a terrible ventriloquist”
“I come from a family of failed magicians. I’ve got two half-sisters”
“I come from a long line of conga dancers”
“I could sing a verse for you. But I’ll refrain”
“I danced like no one was watching, but someone was watching and he thought I was having a seizure”
“I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words”
“I didn’t ask you to dance. I said you look fat in those pants”
“I do all my own stunts, but never intentionally”
“I do all my own stunts, but not intentionally”
“I do all my own stunts, just not intentionally”
“I don’t care who dies in a movie, as long as the dog lives”
“I don’t deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don’t deserve that either”
“I don’t even see the Golden Globes anymore. I just see Epstein Island visitors”
“I don’t even see the Oscars anymore. I just see Epstein Island visitors”
“I don’t like country music, but I don’t mean to denigrate those who do” (joke)
“I don’t think I ever want to be a mime. It just doesn’t speak to me”
“I don’t understand why record stores are failing. They have record sales every year”
“I don’t usually brag about my drum jokes, but um…tss”
“I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work”
“I don’t like to toot my own horn, which is why I steal other people’s trumpets”
“I dropped everything to become a juggler”
“I enjoy using the comedy technique of self-deprecation - but I’m not very good at it”
“I feel like doin’ a Big Apple” (Mae West as Eve, talking about the Big Apple dance)
“I got expelled from music school for theft, but all I was doing was taking notes”
“I got fired from my job as a stage designer. I left without making a scene”
“I got hit by a violin, a clarinet and a French horn today. It was an orchestrated attack”
“I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn’t mine”
“I Guess the Lord Must Be in New York City” (1969)
“I Happen To Like New York” (1930)
“I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once and the seat folded up”
“I hate to toot my own horn, but I’ve gotten pretty good at playing other people’s trumpets!”
“I Have a Little Dreidel” or “My Dreidel” (The Dreidel Song)
“I have a Polish friend who is a sound engineer and I have a Czech one too”
“I just bought a film with 3.142 stars out of 5. It was a pi rated DVD”
“I just strangled a mime with a cordless phone”
“I Left My Heart in San Francisco” (1954, 1962) (“Forgotten in Manhattan” lyric)
“I like to hold hands at the movies. Which always seems to startle strangers”
“I listen to every genre of music. I’m polyjamorous”
“I Love New York” (2005)
“I only saw Act I. The program said ‘Act II, one year later,’ and I couldn’t wait that long”
“I only saw Act I. The program said ‘Act II, same as Act I,’ but I didn’t want to see it over again”
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