“Alternative medicine that works is called medicine” is a medical saying of uncertain origin. “If any ‘alternative therapy’ ever cured cancer it would be called ‘medicine’” was cited in a 2002 newsgroup. “I despise holisitic/herbal medicine and if it worked it would be called “medicine” and not “alternative medicine’” was cited in a 2005 newsgroup.
 
Australian comedian and actor Tim Minchin wrote a beat poem called “Storm” (2008) where he said:
 
By definition, (I begin)
Alternative medicine, (I continue)
Has either not been proved to work;
Or been proved, not to work.
Do you know what they call
‘Alternative medicine’
That’s been proved to work?
Medicine.
 
   
Wikipedia: Tim Minchin
Timothy David “Tim” Minchin (born 7 October 1975) is an Australian comedian, actor, writer, musician and director. He was born in Northampton, England, to Australian parents, but raised in Perth, Western Australia.
   
2 December 2000, Pittsburgh (PA) Post-Gazette, “Scientific Scrutiny Lacking” by Donald McBurney, pg. A16:
Why does UPMC Health System support alternative medicine (“UPMC Endorses Alternative Medicine,” Oct. 22)? A century ago medicine consisted largely of folk remedies such as bloodletting, mustard plasters and cow dung tea. With progress in the basic and applied sciences, those practices that stood up to scientific scrutiny are today called “medicine.”
     
Google Groups: nz.general
medical hoons over rule parents ... wtf?
Kerry
3/31/02
(...)
If any ‘alternative therapy’ ever cured cancer it would be called ‘medicine’
 
Google Groups: alt.drugs
Can MDs Dispense….And Should They?
chronic hydroponic
7/18/05
(...) 
I despise holisitic/herbal medicine and if it worked it would be called “medicine” and not “alternative medicine.”
   
YouTube
Storm by Tim Minchin (with text)
Milton’s Channel
Uploaded on Feb 4, 2009
Tim Minchin’s brilliant & witty demolition of irrationality in all its many guises - with rolling text from me -all in the medium of a 9-minute beat poem. Audio from the QEH Dec 2008 show with kind permission from Tim Minchin.
3:10
By definition, (I begin)
Alternative medicine, (I continue)
Has either not been proved to work;
Or been proved, not to work.
Do you know what they call
‘Alternative medicine’
That’s been proved to work?
Medicine.
 
Twitter
Jumile
‏@Jumile
There’s a name for alternative medicine that works… do you know what it’s called? MEDICINE.
9:00 AM - 9 Jan 2009
 
Twitter
Kim Guerrette
‏@yokimbo
Great quote-ish, “when alternative medicine works, it’s called ... MEDICINE” - Tim Minchin. See aspirin.
9:38 AM - 17 Feb 2009
 
Twitter
Captain Frekke F
‏@CaptainFrekkeF
“If alternative medicine did anything at all, it would just be called ‘medicine’”
-Richard Dawkins
4:00 AM - 17 Mar 2009
 
YouTube
James Randi on homeopathy ALTERNATIVE MEDICINE THAT’S PROVEN TO WORK is called MEDICINE!
Metatron Resurrection
Published on Oct 15, 2012
 
Canberra (Australia) Times
View from the Street: Election 2016 reaches the swearing’n'brothels point
Andrew P Street June 13 2016 - 8:49AM
(...)
And once again, we’re reminded of that old saying: “alternative medicine that’s been proven to work is called ‘medicine’.”