The Big Apple: “Diner: Waiter, will my pizza be long? Waiter: No, sir, it will be round.”

A plaque remaining from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem.

Above, a 1934 plaque from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem. Discarded as trash in 2006. Now a Popeyes fast food restaurant on Google Maps.

Recent entries:
• “They cheated in the last election. Better vote them out this time” (6/3)
• “Anything I don’t like should be banned. Everything I like should be a human right…” (6/3)
• “It’s that time of year where people will say, ‘It’s too hot for coffee‘“ (6/3)
• “Cashier wanted. Must be 18 years old with 20 years experience” (6/3)
• Entry in progress—BP (6/3)
More new entries...

Follow @barrypopik

Above, Big Apple Corner at 54th Street and Broadway in Manhattan. Google Maps.

Above, John J. Fitz Gerald, from the Aug. 15, 1931, Binghamton (NY) Press, pg. 14.

Listen to Robert Emmerich introduce "The Big Apple," a hit song from 1937. Music written by Bob and performed by Tommy Dorsey's Clambake Seven with Bob on piano. Lyrics written by Buddy Bernier and sung by Edythe Wright. Audio provided by Dorothy Emmerich.

Also listen to a 1937 "The Big Apple" song by Ozzie Nelson and his Orchestra. See a 1929 photo of John J. Fitz Gerald and a 1931 photo of John J. Fitz Gerald.

This site is edited by Barry Popik.

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Entry from March 13, 2017

“Diner: Waiter, will my pizza be long? Waiter: No, sir, it will be round.”

A joke about ordering pizza in a restaurant is:

Diner: Waiter, will my pizza be long?
Waiter: No, sir, it will be round.

The joke was posted to the newsgroup alt.smokers.pipes on November 10, 2003.

“Diner: Waiter, I’m in a hurry! Will the pancakes be long? Waiter: No, they’ll be round” and “Diner: How long will my spaghetti be? Waiter: I don’t know. We never measure it” are similar jokes. “How long will the next bus be?"/"Same length as this one” is a related joke.

Google Groups: alt.smokers.pipes
Who in the pipe community would you most like to spend some time with?
Mario Persico
11/10/03
(...)
Half the customers never even got the joke. Just like now when after ordering a pizza they always ask: “how long will that be” my reply is “ It won’t, it will be round” Nothing ..crickets, most of the time.. No sense of humor these people. whaaddayagunnado??

Google Books
Let’s Eat in the Funny Zone
By Gary Chmielewski
Chicago, IL: Norwood House Press
2008
Pg. 23:
Tony: “Waiter, will my pizza be long?”
Waiter: “No sir, it will be round.”

16 August 2009, Sunday Telegraph (Surry Hills, New South Wales), “Laugh till your face hurts,” pg. 112:
Q I’m in a hurry - will my pizza be long?
A No, it will be round!

Twitter
Fatah‏
@nugrahafatah
Garcon, I am in a hurry, will my pizza be long? No, it will be round.
1:42 PM - 27 Dec 2009

Twitter
Mary‏
@missemmamm
Customer: Waiter, will my pizza be long? Waiter: No sir, it will be round!
7:07 PM - 30 Dec 2009

Google Books
The Ultimate Book of Blonde, Brunette, and Redhead Jokes
By James Buffington
Berkeley, CA: Ulysses Press
2010
Pg. 81:
A guy walks into a restaurant and orders pizza. Then he asks his blonde waitress, “Will my pizza be long?”

“No, sir,” the blonde replied. “It will be round.”

Google Books
Food Jokes For Kids 4
By Peter Crumpton
PeteyRF Creative
2015
Pg. ?:
Waiter, will my pizza be long?
No sir, it will be round!

Google Books
Roald Dahl:
Whizzpopping Joke Book
By Roald Dahl
London: Puffin Books
2016
Pg. 14:
Waiter, will my pizza be long?
No, sir, it will be round!

My Town Tutors
Pizza Jokes: National Pizza Day Jokes
Posted on November 12, 2016
(...)
8. “Waiter, will my pizza be long?”… “No sir, it will be round!”

Posted by Barry Popik
New York City • Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores • Monday, March 13, 2017 • Permalink