A plaque remaining from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem.

Above, a 1934 plaque from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem. Discarded as trash in 2006.

Recent entries:
“I remember when I was poor. I’m still poor that’s why I remember so well” (12/5)
“I’m glad I learned about parallelograms in high school instead of how to do my taxes” (12/5)
“I never realized how short a month was until I started paying bills” (12/5)
Entry forthcoming (12/5)
“I never realized how short a month is until I started paying bills” (12/5)
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Entry from December 01, 2019
“‘I only have diamonds, clubs and spades,’ said Tom heartlessly”

A “Tom Swifty” about playing cards was posted on the newsgroup alt.humor.puns on March 18, 2000:

“‘I only have diamonds, clubs and spades,’ said Tom heartlessly.”


Wikipedia: Tom Swifty
A Tom Swifty (or Tom Swiftie) is a phrase in which a quoted sentence is linked by a pun to the manner in which it is attributed. Tom Swifties may be considered a type of wellerism. The standard syntax is for the quoted sentence to be first, followed by the description of the act of speaking. The hypothetical speaker is usually, by convention, called “Tom” (or “he” or “she").

Google Groups: alt.humor.puns
Puns of the Weak: 3-17-00
Stan Kegel
3/18/00
(...)
“I only have diamonds, clubs and spades,” said Tom heartlessly.

Google Groups: php.general
[PHP] Re: “searching” arrays
David Robley
8/15/01
(...)
“I only have diamonds, clubs and spades,” said Tom heartlessly.

Google Groups: alt.humor.puns
Specialty Puns of the Weak 06-02-04
Stan Kegel
6/6/04
(...)
“I only have diamonds, clubs and spades,” said Tom heartlessly. (Fun With Words)

Google Books
Garner’s Modern American Usage
By Bryan Garner
New York, NY: Oxford University Press
2009
Pg. 920:
Two examples are the statements “ ‘I only have diamonds, clubs and spades,’ said Tom heartlessly” and “ ‘The castle walls are made of granite,’ Tom said stonily.”

26 September 2012, Topeka (KS) Capital Journal, “Punsters Hijack Tom Swift,” pg. A2:
I only have diamonds, clubs and spades, said Tom heartlessly. .

Twitter
Steve Cushing SteveC
@Montberte
I only have diamonds, clubs, and spades’, Tom said heartlessly #stevec
7:39 PM · Feb 5, 2014·TweetAdder v4

Google Books
W. C. Privy’s Original Bathroom Companion, Number 2
Edited by Erin Barrett and Jack Mingo
New York, NY: St. Martin’s Publishing Group
2015
Pg. ?:
“I have only diamonds, spades and clubs,” said Tom heartlessly.

Reddit—Oneliners
Posted by u/DoorHalfwayShut November 29, 2019
“I only have diamonds, clubs and spades,” said Bob heartlessly.

Posted by Barry Popik
New York CitySports/Games • Sunday, December 01, 2019 • Permalink