“If you’re going to ride my ass, at least pull my hair and make me scream!” is a jocular saying that has been printed on many bumper stickers. The bumper sticker saying was cited on the newsgroup aus.jokes on October 21, 1997.
 
     
Google Groups: aus.jokes
Bumper Stickers seen in passing….
SJH
10/21/97
If you’re going to ride my ass….
You might as well pull my hair
 
Google Groups: alt.tasteless.jokes
Bumper Stick..SJH
Hillary Cox
10/26/97
If you’re going to ride my ass….
You might as well pull my hair
 
Twitter
Chad C
‏@ChaddiusVenture
Best bumper sticker ever: if you’re going to ride my ass, at least pull my hair
10:28 PM - 8 Aug 2007
 
Twitter
Chris
‏@carseycritter
Saw bumper sticker: if you’re going to ride my ass, at least pull my hair! ha ha!
1:40 PM - 17 Dec 2007
 
Twitter
44ounce
‏@44ounce
Ugh, those gross “If you’re going to ride my ass, at least pull my hair” license plate frames are filthy disgusting. Especially on minivans.
4:16 PM - 1 Feb 2008
 
Google Books
I Want To Laugh:
Funny Jokes, Quotes, One-Liners and the Health Benefits of Laughter All Inside This Book!
By Derrick Ellis
Bloomington, IN: AuthorHouse
2010
Pg. 38:
If you’re going to ride my ass at least pull my hair and make me scream!
 
Google Books
Let There Be Pebble:
A Middle-Handicapper’s Year in America’s Garden of Golf
By Zachary M. Jack
Lincoln, NE: University of Nebraska Press
2011
Pg. 10:
My favorite resident bumper sticker thus far in otherwise straightlaced Carmel pictures a mud flaps–styled nude accompanied by this Carmel traffic–inspired caption: “If you’re going to ride my ass, at least pull my hair.”
 
Google Books
Roadmap into a Twisted Mind
By Bruno Gagnon
Victoria, BC: FriesenPress
2014
Pg. 82:
If you’re going to ride my ass at least pull my hair and make me scream!
   
The Federalist
Sometimes You Have To Question This Whole Freedom Thing
MARCH 5, 2014 By Fred Cole
(...)
All this, and this person used this monument to human achievement to say “If you’re going to ride my ass, you can at least pull my hair.” It is not so much the sentiment behind the words, which I have less of a problem with, than it is that this person used their personal freedom, the freedom granted by the freest, most productive civilization in the whole history of human existence, to announce this to the world on their automobile.