A plaque remaining from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem.

Above, a 1934 plaque from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem. Discarded as trash in 2006.

Recent entries:
“School is just a really long tutorial” (3/23)
“What does Pac-Man eat with his chips?"/"Guacawakamole.” (3/22)
“What do they say in Paris, TX?"/"Oui-haw!” (3/22)
“Dogs can’t operate MRI machines, but catscan” (3/22)
“There is no Planet B” (3/21)
More new entries...

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Entry from July 25, 2015
Month 03—March

The following words or phrases are about March:

MARCH
“Don’t believe what you see in March or September” (baseball adage)
March Madness (NCAA Men’s Division I Basketball Championship)

MARCH (SECOND SUNDAY)
“If it weren’t for Spring Forward and Fall Back, I’d never get any exercise at all”
“Spring Forward, Fall Back”

MARCH 8 (International Women’s Day)
“Today is International Women’s Day. It was supposed to be yesterday, but they took longer than expected to get ready”

MARCH 9
“Today is International Women’s Day. It was supposed to be yesterday, but they took longer than expected to get ready”

March 14 (Pi Day)
“3.14% of sailors are pi rates”
“Come to the nerd side. We have Pi”
“i 8 sum Pi…and it was delicious” (math joke)
“I know every single digit of pi. Just not in the right order”
“May I have a large container of coffee right now?” (Pi mnemonic for 3.141592653)
“What do you get when you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?”
“What do you get when you take green cheese & divide its circumference by its diameter?"/"Moon pi.”
“Why did the pirate ask for a loan with 3.142 percent interest?"/"He wanted the pi-rate!”
“Why did the pirate ask to get a mortgage with 3.142 percent interest?"/"He wanted the pi-rate!”

MARCH 15 (Ides of March)
“Somewhere there’s a bottle of Caesar salad dressing with an expiration date of March 15”

MARCH 17 (St. Patrick’s Day)
“A friend is like a four-leaf clover—hard to find, lucky to have”
“An Irishman can argue either side of a question, often at the same time”
“An Irishman walks out of a bar” (bar joke)
“As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point your way”
“Did you hear about the 25 Irish people that drowned? They were river dancing”
“Did you hear about the man who wanted to sound Irish? He decided to go for brogue!”
“Do leprechauns make good secretaries?"/"Sure, they’re great at shorthand!”
“Everyone is Irish on St. Patrick’s Day”
“Guinness doesn’t travel well” (drink adage)
“Happy Mexican St. Patrick’s Day” (Cinco de Mayo)
“Here’s to our wives and girlfriends … may they never meet!” (toast)
“How can you tell if an Irishman is having a good time?"/"He’s Dublin over with laughter!”
“How did the Irish jig get started?"/"Lots of beer and only one bathroom.”
“How do leprechauns eat their pancakes?"/"In short stacks.”
“I have the right to remain silent, but being Irish I don’t have the ability”
“I’ll be Irish in a few beers”
“I’m giving up drinking for Lent and giving up Lent for St. Patrick’s Day”
“I’m sick of all these Irish stereotypes. As soon as I finish this drink, I’m punching someone”
“If you’re lucky enough to be Irish, you’re lucky enough”
“Irish I was drunk”
“Irish stew…in the name of the law” (knock-knock joke)
“Irish you a happy St. Patrick’s Day” (knock-knock joke)
“Kiss me, I’m Irish”
“May the roof above us never fall in, and may we friends beneath it never fall out”
“May your pockets be heavy and your heart be light” (Irish blessing)
“May your soul be in heaven before the devil knows you’re dead” (toast)
“May your troubles be less and your blessings be more” (toast)
“No Irish need apply”
“Put some whiskey in my coffee because it’s Ireland somewhere”
“Recipe for Irish stew: Drink the Guinness, forget about the stew” (joke)
“There are two classes of people, those who are Irish and those who lack ambition”
“To be Irish is to know that in the end the world will break your heart”
“Too bad alcohol isn’t heavily discounted the day after St. Patrick’s Day”
“Whale oil beef hooked” (How to speak Irish in one easy lesson)
“What baseball position do leprechauns usually play?"/"Shortstop.”
“What did one Irish ghost say to the other?"/"Top o’ the moaning!”
“What did St. Patrick say to the snakes?"/"He told them to ‘hiss off!‘“
“What did the leprechaun do for a living?"/"He was a short-order cook.”
“What do leprechauns love to barbecue?"/"Short ribs.”
“What do you call a clumsy Irish dance?"/"A jig mistake.”
“What do you call a diseased Irish criminal?"/"A leper-con.”
“What do you get if you cross a leprechaun with a Texan?"/"Pot of chili at the end of the rainbow.”
“What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a four-leaf clover?"/"A rash of good luck.”
“What do you get when you do the Irish jig at McDonald’s?"/"A Shamrock Shake.”
“What do you say to a leprechaun?"/"How’s the weather down there?”
“What do you think of my Irish stew?"/"It could use a pinch of Gaelic.”
“What kind of bow can’t be tied?"/"A rainbow.”
“What kind of music does a leprechaun band play?"/"Shamrock ‘n’ roll.”
“What whiskey will not cure, there is no cure for” (Irish proverb)
“What’s an Irish windbreaker?"/"Someone who’s had too much corned beef and cabbage.”
“What’s Irish and sits in the back yard?"/"Paddy O’Furniture.”
“What’s the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish wake?"/"One less drunk.”
“What’s the only major difference between Cinco de Mayo and Saint Patrick’s Day?” (joke)
“When does the leprechaun cross the road?”/"When it’s green!”
“When is an Irish potato not an Irish potato?"/"When it’s a FRENCH fry!”
“Where does an Irish family go on vacation?"/"A different bar.”
“Where would you find a leprechaun baseball team?"/"In the Little League.”
“Whiskey was invented so the Irish wouldn’t rule the world”
“Why are leprechauns so hard to get along with?"/"They’re very short-tempered!”
“Why can’t Irishmen be lawyers?"/"They can never get past the bar.”
“Why can’t you borrow money from a leprechaun?"/"Because they’re always a little short.”
“Why did St. Patrick drive all the snakes out of Ireland?"/"He couldn’t afford plane fare!”
“Why did the leprechaun cross the road?"/"He wanted to reach the pot of gold faster.”
“Why did the leprechaun stand on the potato?"/"To keep from falling in the stew!”
“Why do leprechauns giggle when they play soccer?"/"Because the grass tickles their balls.”
“Why do leprechauns have pots o’gold?"/"They like to ‘go’ first class!”
“Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick’s Day?"/"Regular rocks are too heavy.”
“Why do you Irish always answer a question with a question?"/"Do we, now?”
“Why should you never iron a 4-leaf clover?"/"You shouldn’t press your luck.”
BIC (Bronx Irish Catholic)
Corned Beef and Cabbage (Jiggs dinner)
Doctors’ Row (Irish Fifth Avenue)
Double Irish
Irish Amnesia or Irish Alzheimer’s (to forget everything but the grudge)
Irish Coffee (Gaelic Coffee)
Irish Grape (potato)
Irish Handcuffs (alcoholic drinks in both hands)
Irish Nachos
Irish Riviera (Breezy Point)
Irish Seven-Course Meal (includes six pack of beer)
Irish Soda Bread
Irish Turkey (corned beef and cabbage)
Joe O’Malley (Irish coffee)
Leprechaun Cookie
Little Ireland (New York City nickname)
Little Ireland (Woodlawn, Bronx)
Red Mike and Violets (corned beef and cabbage)
Saint Patrick’s Day Parade
Shamrock Cookie
Shamrock Sandwich
Shamrock Shake

MARCH 20 OR 21 (Spring Vernal Equinox)
“How do trees feel in the spring?"/"Releaved.”
“Spring is an excellent reminder that I was supposed to get in shape before spring”
“Spring is here! I’m so excited I wet my plants”
“Spring is nature’s way of saying, ‘Let’s party!‘“
“Spring needs to stand up to winter and kick it in the snowballs”
Brooklyn National Anthem ("Spring is sprung…")

MARCH 27 (International Whiskey Day)
“A man fell in a barrel of whiskey, but he died in good spirits”
“Alcohol, what’s that? It’s not in my vodkabulary, but let me check in Whiskypedia”
“Always carry whiskey in case of snakebite—furthermore, always carry a small snake”
“Democracy, whiskey, sexy”
“Don’t cry over spilt milk. It could have been whiskey”
“Good girls are made of sugar and spice. Country girls are made of whiskey on ice”
“Happiness is having a rare steak, a bottle of whisky—and a dog to eat the rare steak”
“I’d rather be someone’s shot of whiskey than everyone’s cup of tea”
“I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already!”
“If alcohol is a crutch, Jack Daniel’s is a wheelchair”
“If the ocean was whiskey and i was a duck…”
“Is it whiskey?"/"Yes, but not as whiskey as wobbing a bank.”
“Light as air, stronger than whiskey, and cheap as dirt” (barbed wire)
“Put some whiskey in my coffee because it’s Ireland somewhere”
“Soup of the Day: Whiskey”
“Talk is cheap; money buys whiskey”
“This whiskey tastes like I’m about to tell you how I really feel”
“Vodka! Tequila! Whiskey! I call the shots!”
“What whiskey will not cure, there is no cure for”
“What’s the difference between John Wayne and Jack Daniels?” (joke)
“Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won’t cure a cold”
“Whiskey is risky but it makes the girls frisky”
“Whiskey is the hand sanitizer for the soul”
“Whiskey is what beer wants to be when it grows up”
“Whiskey was invented so the Irish wouldn’t rule the world”
“Who Wants Jack Daniel’s?” or “We Want Jack Daniel’s” (WWJD)
“With organic whiskey, one may attain the stupornatural”
Chocolate Whiskey Cake
Cowboy Cocktail (whiskey)
Pickleback (whiskey and pickle brine)
Snake Poison (whiskey)
Whiskey Ding
Whiskey Wednesday
Whiskey-taw Falls (Wichita Falls nickname)

Posted by Barry Popik
New York CityCalendar • Saturday, July 25, 2015 • Permalink