A plaque remaining from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem.

Above, a 1934 plaque from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem. Discarded as trash in 2006.

Recent entries:
“I have ice in my veins” (cool under pressure) (1/18)
Staten Island Pizza Rats (Staten Island Yankees nickname) (1/18)
Pizza Rat (1/18)
“That’s yacht racing” (1/18)
Thai Iced Tea (Cha Yen) (1/18)
More new entries...

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Entry from July 25, 2015
Month 04—April

The following words or phrases are about April:

APRIL
“Don’t believe what you see in April or September” (baseball adage)
“If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?”
“Wins in April are just as important as wins in September” (baseball adage)
“You don’t build a church for Easter Sunday”

APRIL 1 (April Fools’ Day)
“Doing your taxes on April Fools’ Day seems like a perfectly legitimate way to defraud the government”
“I’m combining Easter and April Fools’. I’m sending the kids to look for eggs I haven’t hidden”
April 1st & the Bronx Zoo (Telephone Hoax)

APRIL 8 (National Zoo Lovers’ Day)
“I live in a tough neighborhood. They got a children’s zoo. Last week, four kids escaped.”
“I went to a zoo and it had only one animal—a dog. It was a Shih Tzu”
April 1st & the Bronx Zoo (Telephone Hoax)
Glass Zoo (United Nations Building)
Iggy (iguana sculpture at the Fort Worth Zoo)
Morning Zoo (Z-100, radio station WHTZ)
New York’s Biggest Little Zoo (Staten Island Zoo)

APRIL 13 (National Scrabble Day)
“A man spilled his Scrabble set on the road. I asked, ‘What’s the word on the street?‘“
“I accidently swallowed some scrabble pieces” (joke)

APRIL (Easter Sunday)
“An honest politician, a generous lawyer, and the Easter bunny…” (joke)
“Another egg-scuse for chocolate”
“Bunnies are cuddly, the large and the small. I like chocolate ones the best of them all”
“Did Jesus pay for our sins with cash or credit? He used PrayPal”
“Easter egg hunts prove that your child can find things when they want to”
“Easter is the only time when it’s perfectly safe to put all your eggs in one basket”
“Follow the bunny. He has the chocolate”
“Have to love Easter, baby” (pun on “Hasta la vista, baby")
“How can you find the Easter bunny?"/"Eggs (x) marks the spot.”
“How did the eggs leave the highway?"/"They went through the ‘eggs-it’.”
“How do bunnies stay healthy?"/"Eggercise.”
“How do bunnies stay in shape?"/"Hareobics.”
“How do you know that carrots are good for your eyes?"/"Have you ever seen rabbits wearing glasses?”
“How do you know when you’re eating rabbit stew?"/"When it has hares in it.”
“How do you make a rabbit stew?"/"Make it wait for three hours.”
“How do you make Easter easier?"/"Replace the t with an i.”
“How does Easter end?"/"With the letter R.”
“I go to the gym religiously. About twice a year around the holidays”
“I wanted to buy a half a rabbit, but the butcher didn’t want to split hares”
“I’m combining Easter and April Fools’. I’m sending the kids to look for eggs I haven’t hidden”
“I’m giving up drinking for Lent and giving up Lent for St. Patrick’s Day”
“I’ve got the same Easter plans as Jesus. Disappear on Friday, show up on Monday”
“If you see a rabbit laying little brown eggs, don’t eat them. It’s not chocolate”
“My mom used to say that Greek Easter was later because then you get stuff cheaper”
“To stay healthy this spring I’m only going to eat the white part of the Cadbury’s Creme Eggs”
“What Chinese food is always eaten on Easter?"/"An egg roll.”
“What day does an Easter egg hate the most?"/"Fry-days.”
“What did one depressed rabbit say to the other?"/"Do you even carrot all?”
“What did the bunny say when he had only thistles to eat?"/"Thistle have to do!”
“What did the rabbit say to the carrot?"/"It’s been nice gnawing you.”
“What do you call a mischievous egg?"/"A practical yolker.”
“What do you call rabbits that marched in a long sweltering Easter parade?"/"Hot, cross bunnies.”
“What do you get when you pour hot water down a rabbit hole?"/"Hot, cross bunnies.”
“What does the Easter bunny order at a Chinese restaurant?"/"Hop suey.”
“What happened to the Easter bunny when he misbehaved at school?"/"He was eggspelled.”
“What is the difference between a crazy rabbit and a counterfeit banknote?” (riddle)
“What is the Easter bunny’s favorite sport?"/"Basket-ball.”
“What is the Easter bunny’s favorite state capital?"/"Albunny, New York.”
“What kind of beans don’t grow in a garden?"/"Jelly beans.”
“What kind of bunny can’t hop?"/"A chocolate one.”
“What sport are eggs good at?"/"Running.”
“When I say I go to the gym religiously, I mean every Christmas and Easter”
“When Jesus is born, I get presents. When Jesus dies, I get chocolate”
“Where did the Easter bunny go to college?"/ “Johns Hopkins.”
“Where do rabbits settle their legal disputes?"/"In a pellet court.”
“Where does Christmas come before Easter?"/"In the dictionary.”
“Where does Easter come before Valentine’s Day?"/"In the dictionary.”
“Where does the Easter bunny eat breakfast?"/"At IHOP.”
“Where does the Easter bunny get his eggs?"/"From eggplants.”
“Where does the Easter bunny go when he needs a new tail?"/"To a re-tail store.”
“Why did Jesus cross the road?"/"Because he was nailed to the chicken.”
“Why did the bunny go to the dance?"/"To do the bunny hop!”
“Why did the Easter Bunny go to the doctor?"/"It was time for his annual eggzam.”
“Why did the Easter egg hide?"/"He was a little chicken.”
“Why did the rabbit cross the road?"/"Because the chicken had his Easter eggs!”
“Why do we paint Easter eggs?"/"Because it’s easier than trying to wallpaper them.”
“Why does the Easter bunny drink beer?"/"To get his hops.”
“Why is a bunny the luckiest animal in the world?"/"Because it has four rabbits’ feet.”
“Why is Easter like whipped cream and a cherry?"/"Because it’s always on a sundae.”
“Why shouldn’t you tell an Easter egg a joke?"/"It might crack up.”
“Why was the little girl sad after the race?"/"Because an egg beater.”
“You don’t build a church for Easter Sunday”
Chocolate Easter Bunny (Chocolate Easter Rabbit)
Easter Eggstravaganza
Eggcellent (egg + excellent)
Spring Egg; Spring Egg Hunt/Roll (Easter Egg; Easter Egg Hunt/Roll)
Spring Sphere (Easter egg)

APRIL 15 (Income Tax Day)
“A fool and his money are soon audited”
“An income tax form is like a laundry list—either way you lose your shirt”
“Anything is deductible until you’re audited”
“Can I claim the government as a dependent on my taxes?”
“Count that day won when, turning on its axis, this earth imposes no additional taxes”
“Doing your taxes on April Fool’s Day seems like a perfectly legitimate way to defraud the government”
“I tried paying taxes with a smile, but the IRS wanted cash”
“I wish complaining about taxes was tax-deductible”
“If Patrick Henry thought taxation without representation was bad…”
”In honor of tax season, for an extra $50, the hookers in Times Square will handle your extension”
“IRS: We’ve got what it takes to take what you’ve got”
“Just a reminder that you still have plenty of time to do your taxes at the last minute”
“Mommy and daddy’s little tax deduction” (a young child)
“Republicans believe every day is the Fourth of July; Democrats believe every day is April 15th”
“Short form, the government gets your money; long form, the CPA gets it”
“Taxes grow without rain”
“Taxpayer: A person who resents that death and taxes don’t come in that order”
“Teach your children about taxes—eat 30% of their ice cream”
“The best things in life are free, but sooner or later the government will find a way to tax them”
“The guy who said that the truth never hurts never had to fill out a form 1040”
“The reward for saving your money is being able to pay your taxes without borrowing”
“The tax code is longer than the Bible, but without the good news”
“There once was a dog named Tax. I opened the door and income Tax”
“When you put ‘THE’ and ‘IRS’ together, it spells ‘’THEIRS‘“
“You cannot claim alcohol as a dependent on your taxes”
“You don’t pay taxes. They take taxes”
“You know it’s tax season when you see a dancing Statue of Liberty on the street corner”
“You must pay taxes. But there’s no law that says you gotta leave a tip”
Enslavement Day (Tax Day nickname)
Immoral Robbery Service (Internal Revenue Service or IRS nickname)
Income Reduction Service (Internal Revenue Service or IRS nickname)
Infernal Revenue Service (Internal Revenue Service or IRS nickname)
Internal Rectal Service (Internal Revenue Service or IRS nickname)
Internal Revenge Service (Internal Revenue Service or IRS nickname)
Internal Rotten Scoundrels (Internal Revenue Service or IRS nickname)
IRSS (IRS + SS)

APRIL 18 (National Columnists’ Day)
“Gossip columnist—One who writes other’s wrongs”
Columny (calumny from a columnist)
Colyumist (Columnist)

APRIL 19 (National Garlic Day)
“A nickel gets you on the subway, but garlic gets you a seat”
“Fight mouthwash. Eat garlic”
“FriEND BestfriEND BoyfriEND GirlfriEND Garlic bread. Only garlic bread has no END”
“My best mate ran off with the garlic bread and coleslaw. I wish he would stop taking sides”
“There is no such thing as a little garlic”
Bronx Vanilla (garlic)
Garlic Knots (Pizza Knots)
RPG Sandwich (roast pork on garlic bread)

APRIL 20 (420 or Weed Day)
“I can’t stand bodybuilders who smoke weed. They always act so high and mighty”

APRIL 22 (National Jelly Bean Day)
“What kind of beans don’t grow in a garden?"/"Jelly beans.”
“You can tell a lot about a fellow’s character by the way he eats jelly beans”
“You know what I mean, jelly bean?” (YKWIMJB)
Jelly Bean

APRIL 26 (National Pretzel Day)
“I can’t believe pretzels are knot bread”
“These pretzels are making me thirsty”
“What’s a pretzel’s favorite dance?"/"The Twist.”
Baldie or Baldy (pretzel without salt)
Pretzel (Soft Pretzel)
Pretzel Burger
Pretzel Rod

APRIL (last Wednesday) (Administrative Professionals’ Day or Admin Day or Secretaries’ Day)
“Do leprechauns make good secretaries?"/"Sure, they’re great at shorthand!”
Girl Friday (Gal Friday)
Sexretary (sex + secretary)
Suckretary (suck + secretary)

APRIL 29 (National Shrimp Scampi Day)
Shrimp Scampi

APRIL 30 (National Raisin Day)
“Every box of raisins is a tragic tale of grapes that could have been wine”
“I saw a family of raisins in the bank today.  They were opening a currant account!”
“Raisins are just elderly grapes”

Posted by Barry Popik
New York CityCalendar • Saturday, July 25, 2015 • Permalink