A plaque remaining from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem.

Above, a 1934 plaque from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem. Discarded as trash in 2006.

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Thai Iced Tea (Cha Yen) (1/18)
Jianbing (Chinese crepes) (1/17)
Lion’s Head Meatballs (1/17)
Maitre D’ess (female maitre d’) (1/17)
“The Texas legislature should meet two days every 140 years” (1/17)
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Entry from July 25, 2015
Month 09—September

The following words or phrases are about September:

SEPTEMBER
“A fallen leaf is nothing more than a summer’s wave goodbye”
“A falling leaf is summer’s wave goodbye”
“Apple orchards, autumn skies, hot chocolate, and pumpkin pies”
“Autumn carries more gold in its pocket than all the other seasons”
“Autumn is my favorite color”
“Autumn skies and pumpkin pies”
“Autumn, the year’s last, loveliest smile”
“Don’t believe what you see in September” (baseball adage)
“Don’t worry, it’s okay to drink white after Labor Day”
“Early sunsets, warm tea, messy hair, big sweaters”
“Fall is sweater weather, crunchy leaves, and pumpkin spice everything”
“Happy fall, y’all” ("It’s fall, y’all")
“How’s the new year going?"/"Shofar, so good.”
“Never wear white after Labor Day” (fashion rule)
“Sell on Rosh Hashanah, buy on Yom Kippur” (Wall Street adage)
“September is when leaves and stocks tend to fall; On Wall Street it’s the worst month of all”
“The first day of school—the day when the countdown to the LAST day of school begins”
“Thirsty days hath September” (beer rhyme)
“Why did Humpty Dumpty have a great fall?"/"To make up for a bad summer.”
“Wins in April are just as important as wins in September” (baseball adage)
Parents’ Liberation Day (first day of school)
Sept-taper or Septaper (September + taper)

SEPTEMBER (first Monday)
“Never wear white after Labor Day” (fashion rule)

SEPTEMBER 11
“9/11 jokes always fall flat”
“9/11 jokes aren’t funny. But the other 2 are”
“9/11 jokes aren’t funny. They’re just plane wrong”
“9/11 was an inside job”
“Everything I really need to know about Islam, I learned on September 11th, 2001”
“How are genders like the Twin Towers?” (joke)
“I haven’t seen faith move mountains, but I have seen what faith can do to buildings”
“Knock, knock."/"Who’s there?"/"9/11."/"9/11 who?” (joke)
“Proof that 9/11 wasn’t a government plot: It worked”
“Science built skyscrapers and airplanes, but only religion can bring the two together”
“Science flies you to the moon; religion flies you into buildings”
“Since this year they launched the iPhone 8/X, we’ll probably get to see 9/11 next year”
“The New York City police chief said, ‘We will never forget 9/11’” (joke)
“The problem with 9/11 jokes is that they never seem to land”
“Two conspiracy theorists die and go to heaven…” (joke)
“United we stand” (9/11 slogan)
“What did Osama bin Laden cook on Iron Chef?"/"Big Apple Crumble.”
“What did the hot dog vendor say at the World Trade Center?” (joke)
“What does WTC stand for?"/"What Trade Center?”
“What was Osama bin Laden’s favorite drink?"/"A double Manhattan.”
“What’s Osama bin Laden’s favorite football team?"/"The New York Jets.”
“What’s the difference between 9/11 and a cow?"/"You can’t milk a cow for X years.”
“What’s the difference between Middle Earth and New York City?"/"Two towers.”
“What’s the difference between the Titanic and Al Qaeda?"/"Al Qaeda made it to New York.”
“What’s the worst name for a history lesson?"/"A crash course on 9/11.”
“What’s worse than 9/11?"/"311.”
“Who are the world’s fastest readers?"/"9/11 victims. They went through 87 stories in 10 seconds.”
“Whoever said white people can’t jump clearly hasn’t seen the footage from 9/11”
“Why are Americans so bad at League of Legends?"/"Because they can’t defend their towers.”
“Why can’t New Yorkers play chess?"/"They’re missing two towers.”
“Why did 10 die?"/"Because he was in the middle of 9/11.”
“Why do Americans make such a fuss about 9/11 anyway? What happened on the 9th of November?”
“Why were the twin towers sad?"/"They ordered pepperoni pizza and got plane.”
“Without Arabians, 9/11 wouldn’t exist. It would be IX/XI instead”
9/11 (One Day’s Pay: National Day of Voluntary Service, Charity, Compassion)
America’s Mayor
Ground Zero
Ground Zero Mosque

SEPTEMBER 19 (Talk Like a Pirate Day)
“3.14% of sailors are pi rates”
“A pirate walks into a bar…” (bar joke)
“A pirate walks into a bar, and it was at that moment…” (bar joke)
“A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head…” (bar joke)
“Drinking rum before 10 am makes you a pirate, not an alcoholic”
“How do pirates communicate with each other?"/"With an aye phone.”
“How much does a pirate pay for corn?"/"A buccaneer.”
“I’m in a pirate-themed band. We can’t stop writing hooks”
“To err is human. To arr is pirate”
“What do you call a communist pirate ship?"/"The USS-ARRR.”
“What do you call a group of pirate ships?"/"An Arrrrrmada!”
“What do you call a pirate who skips class?"/"Captain Hooky.”
“What does a Jewish pirate say?"/"Ahoy vey!”
“What does a vegan pirate do in jail?"/"Starrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrve!”
“What if algebra teachers are really pirates and they are using us to find ‘X’?”
“What is a pirate’s favorite drink?"/"Hi-C.”
“What is a pirate’s favorite piece of marketing content?"/"A webinAAAAR.”
“What is a pirate’s favorite type of music?"/"Arr and B!”
“What would be a Cornish pirate’s favorite cheese?"/"Yarrrrg.”
“What’s a pirate’s favorite cheese?"/"Cheddarrrr.”
“What’s a pirate’s favorite cheese?"/"Havarrrrrti.”
“What’s a pirate’s favorite cheese?"/"Yarrrrrrrrlsberg.”
“What’s a pirate’s favorite food?"/"Arrrrrtichokes.”
“What’s a pirate’s favorite kind of cookie?"/"Ships Ahoy!”
“What’s a pirate’s favorite kind of socks?"/"Arrrrgyle.”
“What’s a pirate’s favorite restaurant?"/"Arrrby’s.”
“What’s a pirate’s favorite school subject?"/"Arrrrrrrrrrt.”
“What’s a pirate’s least favorite letter?” (computer piracy joke)
“What’s the difference between a pirate and a cranberry farmer?” (riddle)
“Why couldn’t the pirate play cards?"/"Because he was sitting on the deck.”
“Why did the pirate ask to get a mortgage with 3.142 percent interest?"/"He wanted the pi-rate!”
“Why did the pirate go to college?"/"To become an arrrrrrchitect!”
“Why did the pirate send his hot dog back at Nathan’s?"/"Because it was a salty dog.”
“Why do pirates make great lawyers?"/"Because they’re very skilled at arrrrrguing.”
“Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?"/"Because they can spend years at C.”
“Why don’t pirates drive on mountain roads?"/"‘Scurvy.”
“Why don’t pirates need lawyers?"/"They prefer to settle through ARRrrrbitration.”
“Why is it so easy to get into pirate college?"/"Because you only need the high c’s.”

Posted by Barry Popik
New York CityCalendar • Saturday, July 25, 2015 • Permalink