A plaque remaining from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem.

Above, a 1934 plaque from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem. Discarded as trash in 2006. Now a Popeyes fast food restaurant on Google Maps.

Recent entries:
“How it feels to click the tongs twice before you start grilling” ("I have the power!") (3/19)
Entry in progress—BP (3/19)
Entry in progress—BP (3/19)
“Coffee—A tasty cup of caffeinated sanity in an uncertain world” (3/19)
Entry in progress—BP (3/19)
More new entries...

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Entry from July 25, 2015
Month 09—September

The following words or phrases are about September:

“A fallen leaf is nothing more than a summer’s wave goodbye”
“A falling leaf is summer’s wave goodbye”
“Apple orchards, autumn skies, hot chocolate, and pumpkin pies”
“Autumn carries more gold in its pocket than all the other seasons”
“Autumn is a season followed immediately by looking forward to spring”
“Autumn is my favorite color”
“Autumn skies and pumpkin pies”
“Autumn, the year’s last, loveliest smile”
“Don’t believe what you see in September” (baseball adage)
“Don’t worry, it’s okay to drink white after Labor Day”
“Early sunsets, warm tea, messy hair, big sweaters”
“Fall is my favorite time of year to finally turn the central air off at night, then…”
“Fall is sweater weather, crunchy leaves, and pumpkin spice everything”
“Fall vibe: drinking too much coffee on an empty stomach & visibly shaking til dinner but in a hoodie”
“Happy fall, y’all” ("It’s fall, y’all")
“Hello darkness, my old friend. Soon you’ll be here at 5 p.m.” (September saying)
“Hello darkness, my old friend. Soon you’ll start at 5 p.m.” (September saying)
“How’s the new year going?"/"Shofar, so good.”
“If you carve a pumpkin in September, it’s called premature ejackolantern”
“It’s not fall without football” (autumn saying)
“It’s officially that “wear a sweater in the morning regret it in the afternoon’ type of weather”
“It’s officially ‘wear a sweater in the morning and regret it in the afternoon’ weather”
“My fall look this year is drinking my coffee on an empty stomach & visibly shaking until lunch time”
“Never wear white after Labor Day” (fashion rule)
“One more week until I let a professional football team determine my mood for the next four months”
“Sell on Rosh Hashanah, buy on Yom Kippur” (Wall Street adage)
“September is my favorite time of year to finally turn the central air off and turn the heat on…”
“September is when leaves and stocks tend to fall; On Wall Street it’s the worst month of all”
“Someone asked me if I had plans for the fall. It took me a moment to realize they meant ‘autumn‘“
“The first day of school—the day when the countdown to the LAST day of school begins”
“The season of leggings and yoga pants is upon us”
“Thirsty days hath September” (beer rhyme)
“Why did Humpty Dumpty have a great fall?"/"To make up for a bad summer.”
“Wins in April are just as important as wins in September” (baseball adage)
Parents’ Liberation Day (first day of school)
Sept-taper or Septaper (September + taper)

SEPTEMBER (first Monday) (Labor Day)
“If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end it would be the Labor Day weekend”
“Never wear white after Labor Day” (fashion rule)

SEPTEMBER (first Sunday after Labor Day) (National Grandparents Day)
“A conservative is someone who makes no changes and consults his grandmother when in doubt”
“A grandmother is a babysitter who watches the kids instead of the television”
“A grandmother is a little bit parent, a little bit teacher, and a little bit best friend”
“A grandmother pretends she doesn’t know who you are on Halloween”
“Don’t eat anything your great-grandmother wouldn’t recognize as food”
“Grandfathers are for loving and fixing things”
“Grandmas are moms with lots of frosting”
“Grandmas never run out of hugs or cookies”
“Grandmother—a wonderful mother with lots of practice”
“How do you get a grandmother to swear?"/"Have another say ‘Bingo!‘“
“It was so cold that grandpa’s teeth chattered—and they were still in the glass”
“It’s such a grand thing to be a mother of a mother — the world calls her grandmother”
“‘Let’s eat, grandma’ or ‘let’s eat grandma’—punctuation saves lives!”
“My grandmother still doesn’t need glasses. Drinks straight from the bottle”
“New York point guards will give up their grandmother before their dribble” (basketball adage)
“There’s no place like home, except grandma’s”
“Try Organic Food…or as your grandparents called it, ‘food‘“
Grandma Pizza (Grandma Slice)
Grandpa Pizza (Grandpa Slice)
Granny’s Potatoes or Grandma’s Mashed Potatoes (Laonai Yangyu)

“9/11 jokes always fall flat”
“9/11 jokes aren’t funny. But the other 2 are”
“9/11 jokes aren’t funny. They’re just plane wrong”
“9/11 was an inside job”
“Everything I really need to know about Islam, I learned on September 11th, 2001”
“How are genders like the Twin Towers?” (joke)
“I haven’t seen faith move mountains, but I have seen what faith can do to buildings”
“Knock, knock."/"Who’s there?"/"9/11."/"9/11 who?” (joke)
“Proof that 9/11 wasn’t a government plot: It worked”
“Science built skyscrapers and airplanes, but only religion can bring the two together”
“Science flies you to the moon; religion flies you into buildings”
“Since this year they launched the iPhone 8/X, we’ll probably get to see 9/11 next year”
“The New York City police chief said, ‘We will never forget 9/11’” (joke)
“The problem with 9/11 jokes is that they never seem to land”
“Two conspiracy theorists die and go to heaven…” (joke)
“United we stand” (9/11 slogan)
“What did Osama bin Laden cook on Iron Chef?"/"Big Apple Crumble.”
“What did the hot dog vendor say at the World Trade Center?” (joke)
“What does WTC stand for?"/"What Trade Center?”
“What was Osama bin Laden’s favorite drink?"/"A double Manhattan.”
“What’s Osama bin Laden’s favorite football team?"/"The New York Jets.”
“What’s the difference between 9/11 and a cow?"/"You can’t milk a cow for X years.”
“What’s the difference between Middle Earth and New York City?"/"Two towers.”
“What’s the difference between the Titanic and Al Qaeda?"/"Al Qaeda made it to New York.”
“What’s the worst name for a history lesson?"/"A crash course on 9/11.”
“What’s worse than 9/11?"/"311.”
“Who are the world’s fastest readers?"/"9/11 victims. They went through 87 stories in 10 seconds.”
“Whoever said white people can’t jump clearly hasn’t seen the footage from 9/11”
“Why are Americans so bad at League of Legends?"/"Because they can’t defend their towers.”
“Why can’t New Yorkers play chess?"/"They’re missing two towers.”
“Why did 10 die?"/"Because he was in the middle of 9/11.”
“Why do Americans make such a fuss about 9/11 anyway? What happened on the 9th of November?”
“Why is the Tower of Pisa leaning?"/"Because it had better reflexes than the Twin Towers.”
“Why were the twin towers sad?"/"They ordered pepperoni pizza and got plane.”
“Without Arabians, 9/11 wouldn’t exist. It would be IX/XI instead”
9/11 (One Day’s Pay: National Day of Voluntary Service, Charity, Compassion)
America’s Mayor
Ground Zero
Ground Zero Mosque

SEPTEMBER 19 (Talk Like a Pirate Day)
“3.14% of sailors are pi rates”
“A pirate walks into a bar…” (bar joke)
“A pirate walks into a bar, and it was at that moment…” (bar joke)
“A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head…” (bar joke)
“Drinking rum before 10 am makes you a pirate, not an alcoholic”
“How do pirates communicate with each other?"/"With an aye phone.”
“How do pirates pay for a round of rum down at the pub?"/"With bar-nickels.”
“How many citrus fruits does it take to kill a pirate?"/"None.”
“How much citrus does it take to kill a pirate?"/"None.”
“How much does a pirate pay for corn?"/"A buccaneer.”
“I’m in a pirate-themed band. We can’t stop writing hooks”
“The pirates were fighting with each other because they didn’t have good anchor management”
“To err is human. To arr is pirate”
“What do you call a communist pirate ship?"/"The USS-ARRR.”
“What do you call a group of pirate ships?"/"An Arrrrrmada!”
“What do you call a pirate who skips class?"/"Captain Hooky.”
“What does a Jewish pirate say?"/"Ahoy vey!”
“What does a vegan pirate do in jail?"/"Starrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrve!”
“What if algebra teachers are really pirates and they are using us to find ‘X’?”
“What is a pirate’s favorite drink?"/"Hi-C.”
“What is a pirate’s favorite element in the periodic table?"/"Gold, not Argon.”
“What is a pirate’s favorite piece of marketing content?"/"A webinAAAAR.”
“What is a pirate’s favorite type of music?"/"Arr and B!”
“What would be a Cornish pirate’s favorite cheese?"/"Yarrrrg.”
“What’s a pirate’s favorite cheese?"/"Cheddarrrr.”
“What’s a pirate’s favorite cheese?"/"Havarrrrrti.”
“What’s a pirate’s favorite cheese?"/"Yarrrrrrrrlsberg.”
“What’s a pirate’s favorite food?"/"Arrrrrtichokes.”
“What’s a pirate’s favorite kind of cookie?"/"Ships Ahoy!”
“What’s a pirate’s favorite kind of socks?"/"Arrrrgyle.”
“What’s a pirate’s favorite restaurant?"/"Arrrby’s.”
“What’s a pirate’s favorite school subject?"/"Arrrrrrrrrrt.”
“What’s a pirate’s least favorite letter?” (computer piracy joke)
“What’s the difference between a pirate and a cranberry farmer?” (riddle)
“Where do pirates go to play games?"/"The Arrrrrrr-cade!”
“Where do pirates rent properties?"/"Arrrgh-bnb.”
“Why couldn’t the pirate play cards?"/"Because he was sitting on the deck.”
“Why did the pirate ask to get a mortgage with 3.142 percent interest?"/"He wanted the pi-rate!”
“Why did the pirate go to college?"/"To become an arrrrrrchitect!”
“Why did the pirate send his hot dog back at Nathan’s?"/"Because it was a salty dog.”
“Why do pirates make great lawyers?"/"Because they’re very skilled at arrrrrguing.”
“Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?"/"Because they can spend years at C.”
“Why don’t pirates drive on mountain roads?"/"‘Scurvy.”
“Why don’t pirates need lawyers?"/"They prefer to settle through ARRrrrbitration.”
“Why is it so easy to get into pirate college?"/"Because you only need the high c’s.”

Posted by Barry Popik
New York CityCalendar • Saturday, July 25, 2015 • Permalink