A plaque remaining from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem.

Above, a 1934 plaque from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem. Discarded as trash in 2006. Now a Popeye's fast food restaurant on Google Maps.

Recent entries:
“In Case of Fire: Please leave the building before posting it on social media” (sign) (5/7)
“I want to be a nice person, but everyone is so stupid” (5/7)
Entry in progress—BP (5/7)
“I really don’t know how fast light travels, but it gets here too early in the morning” (5/7)
“My toxic trait is once the sun starts shining I wanna quit my job” (5/7)
More new entries...

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Entry from July 25, 2015
Month 10—October

The following words or phrases are about October:

“Apparently, the clocks go back in October. I can’t remember where I got mine from!”
“Apple orchards, autumn skies, hot chocolate, and pumpkin pies”
“Autumn came, with wind and gold”
“Autumn carries more gold in its pocket than all the other seasons”
“Autumn is a season followed immediately by looking forward to spring”
“Autumn is my favorite color”
“Autumn skies and pumpkin pies”
“Autumn, the year’s last, loveliest smile”
“Early sunsets, warm tea, messy hair, big sweaters”
“Even the leaves fall for you”
“Fall is sweater weather, crunchy leaves, and pumpkin spice everything”
“Happy fall, y’all” ("It’s fall, y’all")
“Hello darkness, my old friend. Soon you’ll be here at 4 p.m.” (October saying)
“Hello darkness, my old friend. Soon you’ll start at 5 p.m.” (October saying)
“Hello darkness, my old friend. Why are you here, it’s 4 p.m.” (October saying)
“Hello darkness, my old friend. Why are you here, it’s 5 p.m.” (October saying)
“It’s not fall without football” (autumn saying)
“My favorite color is October”
“Sell on Rosh Hashanah, buy on Yom Kippur” (Wall Street adage)
“Why did Humpty Dumpty have a great fall?"/"To make up for a bad summer.”
“You can’t script October” (baseball adage)
Archtober (architecture + October)
Mr. October (baseball playoffs hero)
Octaper (October + taper)
October Surprise

“September ended. Somebody wake up that guy from Green Day” (October 1 joke)

OCTOBER 30 (night before Halloween)
Cabbage Night
Chalk Night
Corn Night
Devil’s Night
Doorbell Night
Gate Night
Goosey Night
Mischief Night
Moving Night
Soap Night

OCTOBER 31 (Halloween)
“A ghost walks into a bar…” (bar joke)
“A grandmother pretends she doesn’t know who you are on Halloween”
“About to put on a suit and tie for the party. Yes, I’m dressing up for Halloween”
“Anyone else feel like Halloween is unnecessary this year? I’ve been wearing a mask...”
“Are monsters good at math?"/"No, unless you Count Dracula.”
“August already? September is practically next week. Time to pick out a Halloween costume”
“Bought a Dracula themed clock. Every second Count”
“Broomstick parking only. All others will be toad”
“Carving a pumpkin is a great activity if you’re in an artsy mood and also feel like stabbing…”
“Charity, please” (Halloween request)
“Did you hear about the ghost comedian? He was booed off stage”
“Did you hear about the haunted health food store? Everything is super-natural”
“Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?"/"No, they eat fingers separately.”
“Does anyone know where adults can trick or treat? Looking for a neighborhood that hands out tacos”
“Don’t drink with ghosts. They can’t handle their boos”
“Dr. Frankenstein entered a bodybuilding competition” (joke)
“Eat, drink and be scary”
“For a slutty Halloween costume, dress as a professor. They barely cover anything important”
“For Halloween, I’m going to go as a normal person with no mask”
“For Halloween you should go as the person you claim to be on Facebook”
“For Halloween you should go as the person you claim to be on Instagram”
“For Halloween you should go as the person you claim to be on social media”
“For Halloween you should go as the person you claim to be on Twitter”
“Frog parking only. All others will be toad”
“Ghosts and goblins, spooks galore. Scary witches at your door”
“Halloween apples!” (Halloween cry)
“Halloween costume idea: You should go as the person you pretend to be on Facebook”
“Halloween is only good for one thing. Which is…”
“Halloween is the perfect time to redistribute those undesired condiment packets of ketchup…”
“Halloween really is the perfect time to get rid of all those Chinese food condiment packets”
“Halloween really is the perfect time to get rid of all those Taco Bell hot sauce packets”
“Halloween. Wearing masks, eating candy, listening to scary stuff…”
“Happy as a witch in a broom factory” ("Happier than a witch in a broom factory")
“Haunted French pancakes give me the crépes”
“Hipster ghosts are too ghoul for school”
“Honestly, my biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking”
“How can a lighthouse, rose trellis, windstorm, dune & Halloween costume make something tasty?”
“How did the skeleton know it was going to rain?"/"He could feel it in his bones.”
“How do ghosts like their eggs?"/"Terri-fried.”
“How do you cure someone with a pumpkin spice addiction?"/"Apply the pumpkin patch.”
“How do you fix a cracked pumpkin?"/"With a pumpkin patch.”
“How do you unlock a haunted house?"/"With a skeleton key.”
“How do zombies do well in school?"/"They eat lots of brain food.”
“I got a job making plastic Draculas. Two of us work, so I have to make every second count”
“I remember when Halloween was the scariest night of the year. Now, it’s election night”
“I said, ‘Make me a Zombie.’ The bartender said, ‘God beat me to it.‘“
“I threw a boomerang at a ghost the other day. I knew it would come back to haunt me”
“I’m gonna be a Social Justice Warrior for Halloween” (joke)
“If one door closes and another one opens, your house is probably haunted”
“If you are what you eat, then zombies are humans”
“If you are what you eat, then zombies should be a lot smarter”
“If you don’t pay your exorcist, do you get repossessed?”
“If you’ve got it, haunt it”
“Jehovah’s Witnesses don’t celebrate Halloween” (joke)
“My diet today: 1% real food, 99% Halloween candy”
“Never date Jack-O-Lantern. He’s hollow inside”
“No body won the skeleton race”
“People are dying to get in” (cemetery joke)
“People can get away with putting out empty bowls on Halloween with ‘take one’ signs”
“Princess parking only. All others will be toad”
“Pumpkin wishes and candy corn kisses”
“Say boo and scary on”
“Sell in May and go away (buy back on St. Leger’s day)” (Halloween Indicator)
“Shell out!” (Halloween shout)
“The cobwebs in my house just became decorations! Thanks, Halloween!”
“There’s only one thing about Halloween that scares me."/"Which is?”
“This Halloween you should go as the person you pretend to be on Grindr”
“Three vampires walk into a bar…” (bar joke)
“To be scary on Halloween, carry a school fundraising packet to every door”
“Trick or Treat” ("Trick or Treat for UNICEF")
“Trick or treat, bags of sweets, ghosts are walking down the street”
“Trick or treat, smell my feet, give me something good to eat”
“Two vampires walk into a bar…” (bar joke)
“What did the ghost teacher say to her class?"/"Watch the board and I’ll go through it again!
“What did the witch do when her broomstick broke?"/"She witch-hiked.”
“What do dyslexic zombies eat?"/"Brians.”
“What do ghosts drink?"/"Ghoul-aid.”
“What do ghosts eat for breakfast?"/"Dreaded wheat.”
“What do ghosts eat for breakfast?"/"Ghost Toasties”
“What do ghosts eat for breakfast?"/"Scream of Wheat”
“What do ghosts eat for dessert?"/"I scream (ice scream).”
“What do ghosts eat for dinner?"/"Ghoulash.”
“What do ghosts eat for lunch?"/"Boo-logna sandwiches.”
“What do ghosts eat for lunch?"/"Spookghetti.”
“What do ghosts put on their bagels?"/"Scream cheese.”
“What do ghosts put on their mashed potatoes?"/"Grave-y.”
“What do ghosts read at a concert?"/"Sheet music.”
“What do Italians eat on Halloween?"/"Fettuccine Afraid-o.”
“What do little ghosts drink?"/"Evaporated milk.”
“What do rednecks do on Halloween?"/"Pump kin.”
“What do skeletons say before they begin dining?"/"Bone appétit.”
“What do Thanksgiving and Halloween have in common?"/"One has gobblers, the other goblins.”
“What do vampires play poker for?"/"High stakes.”
“What do vegans and vampires have in common?"/"They both hate stakes.”
“What do witches ask for at a hotel?"/"Broom service.”
“What do you call a fat jack-o’-lantern?"/"A plumpkin.”
“What do you call a ghost at a hotel?"/"An inn spectre.”
“What do you call a ghost who runs his own business?"/"A hauntrepreneur.”
“What do you call a haunted chicken?"/"A poultry-geist.”
“What do you call a spooky burrito?"/"A boo-rito.”
“What do you call a witch’s garage?"/"A broom closet.”
“What do you call a witch who only eats sand?"/"Malnourished.”
“What do you call an empty hot dog?/"A hallow weenie.”
“What do you call haunted yogurt?"/"Paranormal Activia.”
“What do you call two witches who live together?"/"Broommates.”
“What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?"/"Frostbite.”
“What do you get when you cross a teacher with a vampire?"/"Lots of blood tests.”
“What do you get when you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?”
“What do you get when you drop a pumpkin?"/"Squash.”
“What do zombies eat while on a hike?"/"Entrail Mix.”
“What does a vampire never order at a restaurant?"/"A stake sandwich.”
“What does a vampire order at a Chinese restaurant?"/"Chow vein.”
“What does a vegan zombie eat?"/"Graaaiinns!”
“What does Thanksgiving have in common with Halloween?"/"Gobble-ins!”
“What ghost is handy in the kitchen?"/"A recipe spook.”
“What happened to the monster that took the five o’clock train home?"/"He had to give it back.”
“What happens when a ghost haunts a theater?"/"The actors get stage fright.”
“What instrument does a skeleton play?"/"A trombone.”
“What is a ghost boxer called?"/"A phantomweight.”
“What is a ghost’s favorite game?"/"Hide-and-ghost-seek.”
“What is a ghost’s favorite party game?"/"Hide-and-go-shriek.”
“What is a goblin’s favorite cheese?"/"Monster-ella.”
“What is a mummy’s favorite type of music?"/"Wrap.”
“What is a pumpkin’s favorite sport?"/"Squash.”
“What is a scarecrow’s favorite fruit?"/"Straw-berries.”
“What is a witch’s favorite subject in school?"/"Spelling.”
“What kind of candy do zombies refuse to eat?"/"Life Savers.”
“What kind of coffee does a vampire drink?"/"De-coffinated.”
“What kind of clothes do zombies wear?"/"Decay NY.”
“What kind of key opens a haunted house?"/"A spoo-key.”
“What kind of TV do you find inside a haunted house?"/"A wide scream TV.”
“What streets do ghosts haunt?"/"Dead ends.”
“What would you find on a haunted beach?"/"A sand witch.”
“What’s a cowboy’s favorite holiday?"/"Y’alloween.”
“What’s a ghost’s favorite fruit?"/"Boo-berry.”
“What’s a monster’s favorite bean?"/"A human bean.”
“What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit?"/"A blood orange.”
“What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit?"/"A necktarine.”
“What’s a vampire’s favorite ice cream?"/"Veinilla.”
“What’s a vampire’s least favorite newspaper(s)?"/"The Sun and The Mirror.”
“What’s a werewolf’s favorite sauce?"/"Béchamel, because it starts with a rouuuuuuuux.”
“What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?” (lawyer joke)
“What’s the difference between a pirate and a cranberry farmer?” (riddle)
“What’s the hardest thing to sell to a ghost?"/"Life insurance.”
“What’s the main religion of most ghosts?"/"Boo dism.”
“What’s the scariest dessert?"/"Terrormisu.”
“When black cats prowl and pumpkins gleam, may luck be yours on Halloween”
“When does a ghost have breakfast?"/"In the moaning.”
“When you buy Halloween candy as an adult, you’re paying for free candy you got as a kid”
“Where do baby ghosts go during the day?"/"Dayscare centers.”
“Where do fashionable ghosts shop for sheets?"/"Bootiques.”
“Where do vampires learn to suck blood?"/"Law school.”
“Where does Dracula water ski?"/"On Lake Erie, of course.”
“Which building does Dracula visit in New York?"/"The Vampire State Building.”
“Which ghost ate too much porridge?"/"Ghouldilocks.”
“Who digs the graves when the grave diggers go on strike?"/"The skeleton crew.”
“Who do monsters buy their cookies from?"/"The Ghoul Scouts.”
“Who helps the little pumpkins cross the road to school?"/"The crossing gourd.”
“Who turns the lights off at Halloween?"/"The light’s witch.”
“Why are vampires afraid of casinos?"/"Because of all the high stakes.”
“Why did the Cyclops give up teaching?"/"He only had one pupil.”
“Why did the game warden arrest the ghost?"/"He didn’t have a haunting license.”
“Why did the headless horseman go into business?"/"He wanted to get a head in life.”
“Why did the hotel hire a skeleton on Halloween?"/"He had a skeleton key.”
“Why did the monster eat a light bulb?"/"He wanted a light snack.”
“Why did the skeleton go to the BBQ?/"He needed some spare ribs!”
“Why did the vampire flunk art class?"/"He could only draw blood.”
“Why did the vampire subscribe to the Wall Street Journal?"/"He heard it had great circulation.”
“Why did they stop the zombie hockey game?"/"There was a face off in the corner.”
“Why didn’t 4 enter the haunted house?"/"Because it was 2 squared.”
“Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?"/"He didn’t have any guts.”
“Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance?"/"He had no body to dance with!”
“Why didn’t the skeleton like the Halloween candy?"/"He didn’t have the stomach for it.”
“Why didn’t the skeleton want to go to school?"/"Because his heart wasn’t in it.”
“Why do ghosts eat only the finest quality health food?"/"Because it’s super-natural.”
“Why do ghosts like to ride in elevators?"/"It lifts their spirits.”
“Why do so many math majors confuse Halloween and Christmas?"/"Because Oct 31 is Dec 25.”
“Why do vampires drink blood?"/"Because coffee keeps them awake all day!”
“Why do vampires drink blood?"/"Root beer makes them burp.”
“Why doesn’t a scarecrow eat?"/"Because he’s already stuffed.”
“Why don’t apples smile when you go bobbing?"/"Because they’re crab apples.”
“Why don’t ghosts like rain?"/"It dampens their spirits.”
“Why don’t monsters eat ghosts?"/"Because they taste like sheet.”
“Why don’t skeletons play music in church?"/"They have no organs.”
“Why don’t zombies eat ghosts?"/"Because they taste like sheet.”
“Why is a ghost such a messy eater?"/"Because he is always a goblin.”
“Witch better have my candy”
“Witch parking only. All others will be toad”
“Witch you were here”
“Yo mama is so ugly, she went into a haunted house and came out with a paycheck”
“You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart”
“Zombies hate fast food”
Booporium (boo + emporium)
Candy Corn
Ghostbusters Building (55 Central Park West)
Hallothanksmas (Halloween + Thanksgiving + Christmas)
Halloweekend (Halloween + weekend)
Hallowine (Halloween + wine)
Hallowthanksmas (Halloween + Thanksgiving + Christmas)
Pumpkin Capital USA (Floydada nickname)
Pumpkin House (Hudson Heights, Manhattan)
Spooktacular (spook + spectacular)

Posted by Barry Popik
New York CityCalendar • Saturday, July 25, 2015 • Permalink