A plaque remaining from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem.

Above, a 1934 plaque from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem. Discarded as trash in 2006.

Recent entries:
“What is a baseball dog?"/"One that chases fowls.” (3/21)
“I’ve never seen a tombstone that said, ‘Died from not forwarding a chain email‘“ (3/21)
Entry forthcoming—B.P. (3/21)
“Give a Nigerian a fish and he’ll eat for a day. Teach a Nigerian to phish and he becomes a prince” (3/21)
“I took the batteries out of my carbon monoxide detector today” (joke) (3/21)
More new entries...

A  B  C  D  E  F  G  H  I  J  K  L  M  N  O  P  Q  R  S  T  U  V  W  X  Y  Z

Entry from July 25, 2015
Month 10—October

The following words or phrases are about October:

“Sell on Rosh Hashanah, buy on Yom Kippur” (Wall Street adage)
“Why did Humpty Dumpty have a great fall?"/"To make up for a bad summer.”
“You can’t script October” (baseball adage)
Archtober (architecture + October)
Mr. October (baseball playoffs hero)
Octaper (October + taper)
October Surprise

OCTOBER 31 (Halloween)
“A ghost walks into a bar…” (bar joke)
“Broomstick parking only. All others will be toad”
“Did you hear about the haunted health food store? Everything is super-natural”
“Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?"/"No, they eat fingers separately.”
“Don’t drink with ghosts. They can’t handle their boos”
“Dr. Frankenstein entered a bodybuilding competition” (joke)
“Eat, drink and be scary”
“Frog parking only. All others will be toad”
“Haunted French pancakes give me the crépes”
“How can a lighthouse, rose trellis, windstorm, dune & Halloween costume make something tasty?”
“How did the skeleton know it was going to rain?"/"He could feel it in his bones.”
“How do ghosts like their eggs?"/"Terri-fried.”
“How do you cure someone with a pumpkin spice addiction?"/"Apply the pumpkin patch.”
“How do you fix a cracked pumpkin?"/"With a pumpkin patch.”
“How do you unlock a haunted house?"/"With a skeleton key.”
“How do zombies do well in school?"/"They eat lots of brain food.”
“I said, ‘Make me a Zombie.’ The bartender said, ‘God beat me to it.‘“
“I threw a boomerang at a ghost the other day. I knew it would come back to haunt me”
“I’m gonna be a Social Justice Warrior for Halloween” (joke)
“If you are what you eat, then zombies are humans”
“If you are what you eat, then zombies should be a lot smarter”
“If you don’t pay your exorcist, do you get repossessed?”
“My diet today: 1% real food, 99% Halloween candy”
“No body won the skeleton race”
“People are dying to get in” (cemetery joke)
“People can get away with putting out empty bowls on Halloween with ‘take one’ signs”
“Princess parking only. All others will be toad”
“Sell in May and go away (buy back on St. Leger’s day)” (Halloween Indicator)
“To be scary on Halloween, carry a school fundraising packet to every door”
“Trick or Treat” ("Trick or Treat for UNICEF")
“Trick or treat, smell my feet, give me something good to eat”
“Two vampires walk into a bar…” (bar joke)
“What did the ghost teacher say to her class?"/"Watch the board and I’ll go through it again!
“What did the witch do when her broomstick broke?"/"She witch-hiked.”
“What do ghosts drink?"/"Ghoul-aid.”
“What do ghosts eat for breakfast?"/"Dreaded wheat.”
“What do ghosts eat for breakfast?"/"Ghost Toasties”
“What do ghosts eat for breakfast?"/"Scream of Wheat”
“What do ghosts eat for dessert?"/"I scream (ice scream).”
“What do ghosts eat for dinner?"/"Ghoulash.”
“What do ghosts eat for lunch?"/"Boo-logna sandwiches.”
“What do ghosts eat for lunch?"/"Spookghetti.”
“What do ghosts put on their bagels?"/"Scream cheese.”
“What do ghosts put on their mashed potatoes?"/"Grave-y.”
“What do ghosts read at a concert?"/"Sheet music.”
“What do Italians eat on Halloween?"/"Fettuccine Afraid-o.”
“What do little ghosts drink?"/"Evaporated milk.”
“What do rednecks do on Halloween?"/"Pump kin.”
“What do skeletons say before they begin dining?"/"Bone appétit.”
“What do witches ask for at a hotel?"/"Broom service.”
“What do you call a fat jack-o’-lantern?"/"A plumpkin.”
“What do you call a ghost at a hotel?"/"An inn spectre.”
“What do you call a ghost who runs his own business?"/"A hauntrepreneur.”
“What do you call a haunted chicken?"/"A poultry-geist.”
“What do you call a spooky burrito?"/"A boo-rito.”
“What do you call a witch’s garage?"/"A broom closet.”
“What do you call an empty hot dog?/"A hallow weenie.”
“What do you call haunted yogurt?"/"Paranormal Activia.”
“What do you call two witches who live together?"/"Broommates.”
“What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?"/"Frostbite.”
“What do you get when you cross a teacher with a vampire?"/"Lots of blood tests.”
“What do you get when you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?”
“What do you get when you drop a pumpkin?"/"Squash.”
“What does a vampire never order at a restaurant?"/"A stake sandwich.”
“What does a vampire order at a Chinese restaurant?"/"Chow vein.”
“What does a vegan zombie eat?"/"Graaaiinns!”
“What ghost is handy in the kitchen?"/"A recipe spook.”
“What happened to the monster that took the five o’clock train home?"/"He had to give it back.”
“What happens when a ghost haunts a theater?"/"The actors get stage fright.”
“What instrument does a skeleton play?"/"A trombone.”
“What is a ghost’s favorite game?"/"Hide-and-ghost-seek.”
“What is a ghost’s favorite party game?"/"Hide-and-go-shriek.”
“What is a goblin’s favorite cheese?"/"Monster-ella.”
“What is a mummy’s favorite type of music?"/"Wrap.”
“What is a pumpkin’s favorite sport?"/"Squash.”
“What is a scarecrow’s favorite fruit?"/"Straw-berries.”
“What is a witch’s favorite subject in school?"/"Spelling.”
“What kind of candy do zombies refuse to eat?"/"Life Savers.”
“What kind of coffee does a vampire drink?"/"De-coffinated.”
“What kind of clothes do zombies wear?"/"Decay NY.”
“What kind of key opens a haunted house?"/"A spoo-key.”
“What kind of TV do you find inside a haunted house?"/"A wide scream TV.”
“What streets do ghosts haunt?"/"Dead ends.”
“What would you find on a haunted beach?"/"A sand witch.”
“What’s a ghost’s favorite fruit?"/"Boo-berry.”
“What’s a monster’s favorite bean?"/"A human bean.”
“What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit?"/"A blood orange.”
“What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit?"/"A necktarine.”
“What’s a vampire’s favorite ice cream?"/"Veinilla.”
“What’s a vampire’s least favorite newspaper(s)?"/"The Sun and The Mirror.”
“What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?” (lawyer joke)
“What’s the difference between a pirate and a cranberry farmer?” (riddle)
“What’s the scariest dessert?"/"Terrormisu.”
“When does a ghost have breakfast?"/"In the moaning.”
“Where do baby ghosts go during the day?"/"Dayscare centers.”
“Where do fashionable ghosts shop for sheets?"/"Bootiques.”
“Where do vampires learn to suck blood?"/"Law school.”
“Where does Dracula water ski?"/"On Lake Erie, off course.”
“Which building does Dracula visit in New York?"/"The Vampire State Building.”
“Who digs the graves when the grave diggers go on strike?"/"The skeleton crew.”
“Who do monsters buy their cookies from?"/"The Ghoul Scouts.”
“Who helps the little pumpkins cross the road to school?"/"The crossing gourd.”
“Who turns the lights off at Halloween?"/"The light’s witch.”
“Why did the Cyclops give up teaching?"/"He only had one pupil.”
“Why did the game warden arrest the ghost?"/"He didn’t have a haunting license.”
“Why did the headless horseman go into business?"/"He wanted to get a head in life.”
“Why did the hotel hire a skeleton on Halloween?"/"He had a skeleton key.”
“Why did the monster eat a light bulb?"/"He wanted a light snack.”
“Why did the skeleton go to the BBQ?/"He needed some spare ribs!”
“Why did the vampire flunk art class?"/"He could only draw blood.”
“Why did the vampire subscribe to the Wall Street Journal?"/"He heard it had great circulation.”
“Why did they stop the zombie hockey game?"/"There was a face off in the corner.”
“Why didn’t 4 enter the haunted house?"/"Because it was 2 squared.”
“Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?"/"He didn’t have any guts.”
“Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance?"/"He had no body to dance with!”
“Why didn’t the skeleton like the Halloween candy?"/"He didn’t have the stomach for it.”
“Why didn’t the skeleton want to go to school?"/"Because his heart wasn’t in it.”
“Why do ghosts eat only the finest quality health food?"/"Because it’s super-natural.”
“Why do ghosts like to ride in elevators?"/"It lifts their spirits.”
“Why do so many math majors confuse Halloween and Christmas?"/"Because Oct 31 is Dec 25.”
“Why don’t ghosts like rain?"/"It dampens their spirits.”
“Why don’t skeletons play music in church?"/"They have no organs.”
“Why is a ghost such a messy eater?"/"Because he is always a goblin.”
“Witch parking only. All others will be toad”
“You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart”
“Zombies hate fast food”
Booporium (boo + emporium)
Candy Corn
Ghostbusters Building (55 Central Park West)
Halloweekend (Halloween + weekend)
Pumpkin Capital USA (Floydada nickname)
Pumpkin House (Hudson Heights, Manhattan)
Spooktacular (spook + spectacular)

Posted by Barry Popik
New York CityCalendar • Saturday, July 25, 2015 • Permalink