“To handle yourself, use your head; to handle others, use your heart” is sometimes credited to Eleanor Roosevelt (1884-1962), but there is no evidence to indicate that she has anything to do with the authorship of the saying. Donald Anderson Laird (1897-1969), a psychologist and author, said in 1947 to the delegates of the Master Photo Dealers and Finisher’s Association’s convention in Cleveland:
 
“To handle yourself, use your head; to handle others, use your heart.”
 
The saying has appeared in several books of quotations.
 
 
14 February 1947, Charleston (WV) Gazette, pg. 13, cols. 1-2:
Sales People Designated Leaders
In Restoring Courtesy to America
CLEVELAND, Feb. 13—(INS)—Dr. Donald A. Laird, noted psychologist, designated salespeople tonight as leaders in restoring friendliness and courtesy to American life.
 
The former Colgate university professor, now of Lebanon, Ind., spoke before delegates to the Master Photo Dealers and Finisher’s Association’s convention in Cleveland.
(...)
“To handle yourself, use your head; to handle others, use your heart.”
   
Google Books
The Defender Magazine
Defenders of the Christian Faith, Incorporated
Volume 27
1952
Pg. 13:
To handle yourself, use your head; to handle others, use your heart. — Donald Laird.
 
Google News Archive
4 June 1962, Nevada (MO) Daily Mail, “Gems from The Mailbag” by Hal Boyle, pg. 5, col. 5:
Executive signs: On the desk of I. Jerome Riker of the Hotel Stanhope: “To handle yourself wisely, use your head. To handle others, use your heart.”
   
Google Books
Speaker’s Desk Book of Quips, Quotes, and Anecdotes
By Jacob Morton Braude
Bombay: Jaico Pub. House
1966 [©1963]
Pg. 189:
To handle yourself, use your head; to handle others, use your heart.
 
Google Books
1800 Quotes, Quips, and Squibs
By E. C. McKenzie
Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Book House
1972
Pg. 60:
To handle yourself, use your head; to handle others, use your heart.
 
Google Books
Quote Unquote
By Lloyd Cory
Wheaton, IL: Victor Books
1977
Pg. 192:
To handle yourself, use your head; to handle others, use your heart. (DONALD LAIRD)
   
Google Books
20,000 Quips & Quotes
By Evan Esar
New York, NY: Barnes & Noble Books
1995, ©1968
Pg. 373:
To handle yourself, use your head more; to handle others, use your heart more.
 
Google Books
The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership:
Follow Them and People Will Follow You
By John Maxwell
Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson
1998
Pg. ?:
There’s an old saying: To lead yourself, use your head; to lead others, use your heart. That’s the nature of the Law of Connection. Always touch a person’s heart before you ask him for a hand.
   
Google Books
Grandmère:
A Personal History of Eleanor Roosevelt
By David B. Roosevelt with Manuela Dunn-Mascetti
New York, NY: Hachette Book Group
2002
Pg. ?:
To handle yourself, use your head; To handle others, use your heart.
 
Google Books
Shut Up and Say Something:
Business Communication Strategies to Overcome Challenges and Influence Listeners
By Karen Friedman
Santa Barbara, CA: Praeger
2010
Pg. 73:
Former first lady Eleanor Roosevelt once wrote, “To handle yourself, use your head; to handle others, use your heart.”