“You know you’re getting old when everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work” is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images.
       
“They never ask a senior citizen, ‘What hurts you?’ For one spritely old gentleman once answered, “Everything hurts me. And whatever doesn’t hurt doesn’t work anymore!’” was printed in the Cincinnati (OH Enquirer on February 27, 1970.
   
“REMEMBERED QUOTE: ‘You’re getting old when everything hurts—and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work’” was printed in the syndicated entertainment newspaper column of Earl Wilson (1907-1987) on January 11, 1973. Unfortunately, Wilson did not credit anyone with the saying.
   
“You know you’re getting old when everything hurts. And what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work.—Hy Gardner” was posted on the newsgroup nl.comp.os.linux.overig on August 27, 2001. American entertainment reporter and syndicated columnist Hy Gardner (1908-1989) is often credited, but there is no evidence that he said it.
   
       
Newspapers.com
27 February 1970, Cincinnati (OH) Enquirer, “‘Everything Hurts,’ But Future Looks Brighter For Old Teeth” (Chicago Daily News Service), pg. 16, col. 3:
They never ask a senior citizen, “What hurts you?”
 
For one spritely old gentleman once answered, “Everything hurts me. And whatever doesn’t hurt doesn’t work anymore!”
 
Newspapers.com
11 January 1973, The Times (Munster, IN), Earl Wilson (syndicated entertainment column), pg. 39, col. 6:
REMEMBERED QUOTE: “You’re getting old when everything hurts—and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work.”
 
Google Books
Happiness, It’s Your Choice
By Gary Applegate
Sherman Oaks, CC: Berringer
1985
Pg. 229:
YOU KNOW YOU’RE GETTING OLD WHEN . . . Everything hurts and what doesn’t hurt, doesn’t work.
     
Google Groups: nl.comp.os.linux.overig
perl-script voor bijhouding web-site
Han
Aug 27, 2001, 7:20:35 PM
(...(
::. +———————————————————————————+
(\./) .-”“-. | You know you’re getting old when everything hurts. |
`\’-’` \ | And what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work.—Hy Gardner |
   
Google Books
And I Quote:
The definitive collection of quotes, sayings, and jokes for the contemporary speechmaker (Revised Edition)
By Ashton Applewhite, William R, Evans III and Andrew Frothingham
New York, NY: St. Martin’s Press
2003
Pg. 173:
You know you’re getting old when everything hurts , and what doesn’t hurt , doesn’t work.
 
Twitter
RevMikeSeebeck
@MikeSeebeck
Replying to @GeorgeDonnelly
@georgedonnelly “You’re know you’re getting old when everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work.” -George Burns
1:48 PM · Oct 23, 2008·Twitter Web Client
   
Twitter
Bonnie Burns
@Burnsie_SEO
You know you’re getting old when everything hurts. And what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work. Hy Gardner
11:48 AM · Feb 26, 2009·Twitter Web Client
 
Twitter
Ada Dha
@QQQquotes
You know you’re getting old when everything hurts. And what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work.
- Hy Gardner
10:40 PM · Sep 21, 2012·Twitter Web Client
 
Twitter
Jex
@jexelot
You know you’re getting old when everything hurts. And what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work.
11:31 PM · Aug 16, 2020·Twitter for iPhone