A plaque remaining from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem.

Above, a 1934 plaque from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem. Discarded as trash in 2006.

Recent entries:
“Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time” (5/25)
“A gig is worth ten rehearsals” (music adage) (5/24)
“Victory is a thousand times sweeter when you’re the underdog” (5/24)
“Progress is what happens when impossibility yields to necessity” (5/24)
“An optimist is a person who has no trouble seeing the bright side of your problems” (5/24)
More new entries...

A  B  C  D  E  F  G  H  I  J  K  L  M  N  O  P  Q  R  S  T  U  V  W  X  Y  Z


Entry from April 24, 2019
“You’re going to shit yourself when I tell you the price” (joke)

A popular joke has a woman look over something expensive (usually, but not always, a car). She touches it and farts. “Can I help you?” a salesman asks. The woman, hoping that he didn’t hear, says, “Yes, can you tell me how much this costs?”

“Madam,” says the salesman, “if you farted just by touching it, you’re going to shit yourself when I tell you the price.”

The joke has been cited in print since at least 2001.

Google Groups: freeserve.discuss
Have you farted ?????????
Diamond Geezer
8/20/01
(...)
A woman walks into a shop that sells VERY EXPENSIVE PERSIAN RUGS. She looks around and spots the perfect rug and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the texture of the rug she farts loudly. Very embarrassed she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and hopes a sales person does not pop up right now. As she turns back, there standing next to her is a salesman. “Good day Ma’am, how may we help you today?” Very uncomfortably she asks, “How much does this rug cost?” He answers, “Lady if you farted just touching it, you’re gonna shit yourself when you hear what the price is.”

Google Groups: nl.humor
Lexus
Yuri ‘minimal’ van Geenen
4/5/02
A lady walks into a Lexus dealership.
She browses around, then spots the perfect car and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the fine leather upholstery, a loud fart escapes her.
Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and hopes a sales person doesn’t pop up right now.
As she turns back there, standing next to her, is asalesman.
“Good day, Madame. How may we help you today?”
Very uncomfortably she asks, “Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?”
He answers, “Madame, if you farted just touching it, you are going to shit yourself when you hear the price.”

Google Groups: alt.jokes
Buying A Jaguar
Dave
5/12/06
Buying A Jaguar
A woman walks into a Jaguar dealership and spots the car of her dreams. She walks over to inspect it, but while leaning over to feel the fine leather upholstery, she accidently breaks wind.

Embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and hopes a sales person doesn’t appear right now.

However, there standing behind her is a sales person.

“Good morning Madame, how may we help you today?”

Very uncomfortably she asks, “Sir, how much is this lovely vehicle?”

He answers, “Madame, I’d rather not say. If you farted just touching it, you’re going to shit yourself if I tell you the price.”

Google Groups: smegjokes
Beemer
Sidgreaves, Martin
9/25/06
A lady walks into a BMW dealership. She browses around, spots the top-of-the-line Beemer and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to feel the fine leather upholstery, she inadvertently breaks wind. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn’t pop up right now.

As she turns around, her worst nightmare materialises in the form of a salesman standing right behind her. Cool as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism, the salesman greets the lady with, “Good day, Madame. How may we help you today?”.

Very uncomfortably, but hoping that the salesman may just not have been there at the time of her accident, she asks, “Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?”.

He answers, “Madam, if you farted just touching it, you are going to sh1t yourself when I tell you the price!”

31 December 2007, Townsville (Queensland) Bulletin, “Holiday joke hunt,” pg. 13:
A lady walks into a high class jewellery shop. She browses around and spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely, she inadvertently breaks wind. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn’t pop up right now. As she turns around, her worst nightmare materialises in the form of a salesman standing right behind her. Cool as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism, the salesman greets the lady with “Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?” Very uncomfortably, but hoping that the salesman may just not have been there at the time of her little `accident’, she asks “Sir, what is the price of this lovely bracelet?” He answers, “Madam, if you farted just looking at it, you are going to shit yourself when I tell you the price.”

Google Groups: alt.tasteless.humor
The Accidental Fart
Ivan Awfulitch
1/30/08
A lady walks into Tiffany’s. She browses around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely she inadvertently breaks wind. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn’t pop up right now. As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her. Cool as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism, the salesman greets the lady with, “Good day, Madam.  How may we help you today?” Very uncomfortably, but hoping that the salesman may just not have been there at the time of her little ‘accident’, she asks, “Sir, what is the price of this lovely bracelet?” He answers “Madam, if you farted just looking at it, you’re going to shit yourself when I tell you the price.”

Reddit—Jokes
Posted by u/drfre December 16, 2010
Lady walks into Harrods. She looks around...
Lady walks into Harrods. She looks around, spots a beautiful diamond Bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely, she unexpectedly farts.

Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone noticed her little hopes and prays that a sales person was not anywhere near. As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her - Good looking as well, Cool as a cucumber, he displays all of the qualities one would expect of a professional in a store like Harrods. He politely greets the lady with, ‘Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?

Blushing and uncomfortable, but still hoping that the salesman somehow missed her little ‘incident’, she asks, ‘what is the price of this lovely bracelet?’ He answers, “Madam - if you farted just looking at it - you’re going to shit yourself when I tell you the price!”

Reddit—Jokes
Posted by u/yakpimp August 8, 2014
BMW Shopping
A lady walks into a BMW dealership. She browses around, spots the Top-of-the-line Beemer and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to feel the fine leather upholstery, she inadvertently breaks Wind.

Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn’t pop up right now.

As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her. Cool as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism, the salesman greets the lady With, “Good day, Madame. How may we help you today?” Very uncomfortably, but hoping that the salesman may just not have been there at the time of her accident, she asks, “Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?”

He answers, “Madam, if you farted just touching it, you are going to shit yourself when I tell you the price.”

Reddit—Jokes
Posted by u/IrishRoller March 3, 2016
A lady goes into a jewelry store.....
... and as she bends over to look at a diamond ring she accidentally lets one rip.

Hoping that no one had noticed she motions the salesman over and asks him for the price on the ring.

He looks her square in the eye, grins and said “ Lady, if you farted just looking at it then you will shit yourself when I tell you the price

Pattaya (Thailand) Mail
Auto Mania – April 24, 2019
By Dr. Iain Corness - April 24, 2019
(...)
Wonderful old joke but brought up to date.
A lady walks into a Porsche dealership. She browses around, spots the Top-of-the-line GT2 RS and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to feel the fine leather upholstery, she inadvertently breaks wind.

Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn’t pop up right now.

As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her. Cool as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism, the salesman greets the lady with, “Good day, Madame. How may we help you today?” Very uncomfortably, but hoping that the salesman may just not have been there at the time of her accident, she asks, “Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?”

He answered, “Madam, if you farted just touching it, you are going to sh*t yourself when I tell you the price”.

Posted by Barry Popik
New York CityWork/Businesses • Wednesday, April 24, 2019 • Permalink