Recent entries:
“Lubbock is in the middle of everything” (joke) (9/19)
“Why did the cowboy get a hot seat?"/"Because he rode the range.” (9/17)
“Why is Texas called the Lone Star State?"/"It’s their Yelp rating.” (6/29)
“Why do Mexicans never cross the border in groups of three?"/"Because a sign says ‘No Trespassing.‘“ (4/28)
“How do you tell if a person is a level-headed country boy?"/"Snuff runs out of both sides.” (4/18)
More new entries...

Entry from December 31, 2006
“Knock off its horns, wipe its ass, and throw it on the plate” (Texan ordering “rare” steak)

"Knock off its horns, wipe its ass, and throw it on the plate” is a stereotypical order of “rare” steak by a Texan visiting a steakhouse. The line appeared in the Australian film Barry McKenzie Holds His Own (1974), the film The Cowboy Way (1994), the film Cowboy Up (2000, released in 2001), and the television series 24 with Keifer Sutherland as Jack Bauer.

How Would You Like That Cooked, Sir?[rec.humor.funny]
The other day, a friend of mine (from Texas) and I went out to a local steakhouse.  This is the dialog that followed after I made my order.

WAITRESS:  And for you, sir?
JOHN:  I’ll have the top sirloin.
WAITRESS:  And how would you like that cooked.
JOHN:  Just whack off the horns, wipe its ass, and throw it on the plate.
JOHN:  Rare.

Jokebook #1
... And that kind of reminds me of one time that I was in a steak house in Austin. Guy came in and sat at the table next to us and ordered a sirloin. The waitress asked him how he wanted it and he answered, “Knock off its horns, wipe its a** and walk it through the kitchen.”
“Knock off its horns and wipe its ass...I’m HONGRY!”
66 years old
United States
Last Login: 12/19/2006

Internet Movie Database
Memorable Quotes from
Barry McKenzie Holds His Own (1974)
Hugo Cretin: How would you like your steak, sir?
Barry McKenzie: Just knock off its horns, wipe its arse and bung it on a plate.

The Movie Quotes Site
QUOTE Just knock off its horns, wipe its nasty ole ass, and chuck it right down on the plate
MOVIE TITLE Cowboy Way, The - 1994

Deseret Morning News
Small plates are not ‘in’ for eaters
Deseret News (Salt Lake City), Jun 13, 2006 by Doug Robinson Deseret Morning News
Eaters aren’t real particular. Our attitude about meat, for instance, was pretty much summed up by the Woody Harrelson character in the movie “Cowboy Up.” When a waiter in a fancy restaurant asks him how he wants his steak cooked, Harrelson replies, “Just knock off the horns and plop her down on my plate!”

Jack Bauer Fun Facts!
When asked at a restaurant how he likes his steak, Jack Bauer replies, “Just knock off the horns and wipe its ass.”

Google Groups: alt.california
From:  Aviator
Date:  Mon, Nov 27 2000 12:00 am

Utter crap, sir!! When I order a steak, I ask the cook to knock off the
horns, wipe its ass, run it by the grill, and put it on a plate!!!
When you’re on vacation, Fine Dining means:
c.) Knock off the horns, slap it on the rump and send it in steakhouse

Hollywood Cowboy
...and when you’re hungry, what happens to the bull?
Knock off the horns, wipe his ass, slap him on a plate and put him in from of me…

Credit Boards: Tell me the truth
That’s how my dad likes his steak. He typically says “Just knock off the horns and slap it on a plate for me.” My mom is the extreme opposite. She says to pretty much BURN it to make sure it’s well-done

ClutchFans - Steak
10-11-2004, 12:01 AM
As far as steak goes it’s gotta be rare (knock off its horns, wipe it’s ass and bring it to me, kinda rare), slightly seasoned, with no sauces.
09-29-2004, 11:26 AM
Or, as I tell waiters, “knock off its horns, wipe its butt, and bring it to the table”. smile

Posted by Barry Popik
Texas (Lone Star State Dictionary) • (0) Comments • Sunday, December 31, 2006 • Permalink