Lawyer hunting is not legal in Texas, but you wouldn’t know that from the way this joke has spread around the internet. The first sighting of the joke appears to be 1993.
Some 2006 versions of “lawyer hunting in Texas” jokes involve Vice President Dick Cheney and his hunting accident with attorney Harry Whittington of Austin.
Texas Business Lawyers - Jokes
TEXAS STATE ATTORNEY SEASON AND BAG LIMITS.
Article 1.06 General
1. Any person with a valid Texas state hunting license may harvest attorneys.
2. Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of currency as bait is prohibited.
3. Killing of attorneys with vehicles is prohibited. If struck accidentally, remove dead attorney from bumper and proceed to nearest car wash.
4. It is unlawful to chase, herd or harvest attorneys from farm machinery, helicopters, or fixed-wing aircraft.
5. It shall be unlawful to shout “Whiplash!,” “Ambulance!” or “Free Perrier!” for the purpose of trapping attorneys.
YELLOW BELLIED SIDEWINDER 2
BACK-STABBING DIVORCE LAWYER 4
HONEST LAWYER 0 (EXTINCT)
SILVER-TONGUED DRUG DEFENDER NO LIMIT
Google Groups: rec.skydiving
From: ehsnet!f15.n233.z1.fidonet.org!SKYDIVE (SKYDIVE)
Date: Sun, 28 Mar 1993 19:45:40 GMT
Local: Sun, Mar 28 1993 3:45 pm
Subject: Lawyer hunting in TX
Just thought you all might be interested in this:
A BILL TO REGULATE THE HUNTING AND HARVESTING OF ATTORNEYS
We, the public, believe that grave necessity requires the following emergency measures be immediately enacted by our legislature.
372.01. Any person with a valid Texas state rodent or armadillo hunting license may also legally hunt and harvest practicing attorneys for recreational and sporting (non-commercial) purposes.
372.02. Taking of attorneys using United States currency as bait is expressly prohibited. Traps, deadfalls and strong spring jawed devices are permitted however.
372.03. The willful killing of practicing attorneys with a motor vehicle is prohibited unless such vehicle is an ambulance being driven in reverse. Note that if this method is used the bag limit (Sec 372.10) may be inadvertently exceeded. No penalty shall be levied for a single incident. If an attorney is accidentally struck by a motor vehicle following too closely behind an ambulance, the attorney shall be removed to the roadside and the vehicle should proceed immediately to the nearest car wash to remove snake-oil residue which can cause permanent stains.
372.04. It is unlawful to chase, herd, muster or harvest attorneys from a power boat, helicopter or aircraft.
372.05. It is unlawful to shout “WHIPLASH,” “AMBULANCE,” OR “FREE SCOTCH” in the vicinity of an attorney if the call is being made for the sole purpose of luring and entrapping said attorney.
372.06. It is unlawful to hunt attorneys during daylight hours within one hundred (100) meters of a BMW, Mercedes, or Porsche dealership excepting Wednesdays (or any day containing the letter “Y”).
372.07. It is unlawful to hunt attorneys within two hundred (200) meters of court rooms, law libraries, country clubs, tow truck or ambulance dispatch yards, any facility in the business of manufacturing or repairing aircraft, Naval aviator reunions, hospital emergency rooms or other known attorney feeding places.
372.08. If an attorney gains elected office, it is not necessary to have a license to hunt, trap, or possess same. Sections 372.01 through 372.07 are also waived for this provision.
372.09. It is unlawful for a hunter to wear a disguise as a reporter, accident victim, physician, chiropractor, tax accountant or FAA employee for the purpose of hunting attorneys.
371.10. Standard Daily Bag Limits:
Yellow bellied sidewinders 2
Two Faced tortfeesors 2
Specialty Divorce Litigators 762
Horn rimmed contingency thugs no limit, $1,000 bounty government Attorneys:
IRS no limit
FAA no limit, $2,000 cash bounty
Google Groups: rec.games.chess.politics
Date: 12 Nov 2002 19:16:04 GMT
Local: Tues, Nov 12 2002 3:16 pm
Subject: Texas Lawyer Hunting Bill
Texas Bill to Regulate the Hunting and Harvesting of Attorneys
Section 372.01: Any person with a valid Texas rodent or armadillo hunting license may also hunt and harvest attorneys for recreational and sporting (non-commercial) purposes.
Section 372.02: Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of United States currency as bait is prohibited.
Section 372.03: It is unlawful to chase, herd or harvest attorneys from a power boat, helicopter or aircraft.
Section 372.04: It is unlawful to shout “Whiplash”, “Ambulance” or “Free Scotch” for the purpose of trapping attorneys.
Section 372.05: It is unlawful to hunt OR trap attorneys within 100 yards of BMW, Mercedes or Porsche dealerships except on Wednesday afternoons.
Section 372.06: It is unlawful for a hunter to wear the disguise of a reporter, accident victim, physician, chiropractor or tax accountant for the purpose of hunting attorneys.