P-Town (Portland nickname)

P-ville (Pflugerville nickname)

"Pace makes the race" (horse racing adage)

Pachanga (Pachanga Politics)

Pacific Wonderland (Oregon slogan)

"Pack your patience"

"Packed like sardines"

Pad Thai (Phad Thai)

Paddy's Market (formerly of Ninth Avenue)

Page Fix or Page Sick (Page Six nicknames)

Page Six

"Paging Donner party of six" (restaurant joke)

"Paid all my bills for the month. Does anyone have any good recipes with water?"

"Paid my bills for the month. Anyone have any good recipes for water?"

"Paid my rent, now I have a place to starve"

"Paid the rent. Now I got a place to starve to death"

"Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional"

"Pain is temporary, film is forever" (film adage)

"Pain is temporary, pride is forever" (sports and exercise adage)

"Pain is weakness leaving the body" (exercise adage)

"Pain makes you stronger; fear makes you braver; heartbreak makes you wiser"

Pain Trade

Paint the Town (NYC & Company)

"Paint the town red"

Painted Desert Soup (black bean soup + corn chile chowder)

"Pair off in threes"

"Pairing wine is easy. Me + a glass of wine = a pair"

Pajama Trader

"Pakistanis can't play soccer well because every time they get a corner, they open a shop"

"Pakistanis can't play soccer well because every time they get a corner, they open a shop"

PAL (Police Athletic League)

Palace Beach (Broadway and West 47th Street, outside Palace Theatre)

Palace Beach (Broadway and West 47th Street, outside Palace Theatre)

Palanca ("lever" or straight-ticket votiing)

Palermo Pizza (Palermo Slice)

"Palestine will be free from the river to the sea"

Palestinian (inhabitant of Palestine, Texas)

Paleta (Mexican popsicle)

"Pallbearers are technically dead lifters"

"Pallbearers are the ultimate dead-lifters"

Pambazo (bread and sandwich)

Pan de Campo (State Bread)

Pan de Huevo (Mexican egg bread)

Pan de Polvo or Polvoron/Polvorones (Mexican Wedding Cookies)

Pan Dulce (Mexican Sweet Bread)

"Pan pizza implies the existence of bi pizza"

"Pan pizza implies the existence of straight and gay pizza"

Pancake Capital of Texas (Hawkins nickname)

"Pancake Day really crêped up on us"

"Pancake jokes are for tossers"

"Pancakes are just boneless waffles"

"Pancakes are just morning pizzas"

"Pancakes are my alter-Eggo"

Pancakes in the Park

Panchos

Panda Paws (ice cream)

"Pandas are living proof that you can be fat just by eating salad"

Pandejo (pandemia/pandemic + pendejo)

"Pandemic jokes are only funny if everyone gets it"

"Pandemic jokes are the funniest because everyone gets it"

Pandemic of the Injected

Pandemic of the Unvaccinated

Pandemicrat (pandemic + bureaucrat)

Pandemocrat (pandemic + Democrat)

Pander Bear (pander + panda bear)

Pandowdy (Pan-dowdy; Pan Dowdy; Apple Dowdy)

Panhandle Hook (or Texas Hooker)

Panic Beach or Panic Island (Broadway and West 47th Street, opposite Palace Theatre)

Panic Beach or Panic Island (Broadway and West 47th Street, outside Palace Theatre)

"Panic buying ice cream & tinned fruit? Are you planning to self isolate for a month of sundaes?"

Panic City

Panic Saturday or Super Saturday (Saturday before Christmas)

Panicdemic (panic + pandemic)

Panini (sandwich)

Panko Chicken

Panquake (pan/pancake + earthquake)

Pansy

Panther City (Fort Worth nickname)

Pantondo

Panuchos

Panzarotti (Panzerotti)

Pap Schmear (papaya cream cheese spread)

Pap Schmear (paprika cream cheese spread)

"Pap Shmear, one of the lesser known bagel toppings in New York"

Papa Has Dough ("Ph.D" backronym)

Papaya & Hot Dogs ("Tastier Than Filet Mignon")

"Papayas imply the existence of mamayas"

"Paper currencies don’t float, they just sink at different rates"

Paper Cut Finder (hand sanitizer)

"Paper is not money. It's fraud"

"Paper money is cold hard cash. A credit/debit card is hold card cash"

"Paper or plastic?"/"Either. I'm bisacksual."

"Paper or plastic?"/"Either. I'm bisacktual."

"Paper or plastic for my French bread? I don't care. Just baguette"

"Paper straws that come in a plastic wrapper are canceling itself out"

Paperati (paper + -ati)

Paperbug or Paper Bug (paper money enthusiast)

"Paperclip: the staple for people with commitment issues"

"Papers, please!" (regulations requiring identification)

Parabuilding

Paradise in the Pines (Crockett slogan)

Paralegal

Paramount Issue

"Paranoia has reached absurd stages. I sneezed on my laptop and the anti-virus started a scan"

Parasitocracy (parasite + -cracy)

"Paratha rolls not gender roles"

"Parboiled: Playing a round of golf on a very hot and humid day"

"Pardon the weeds. I'm feeding the bees"

"Pardon the weeds. We are feeding the bees"

"Parenting with fruit snacks: little bags of shut the hell up"

Parents' Liberation Day (first day of school)

"Parents spend 10-20 years making you eat vegetables,. Then when you go vegan, they freak out"

Pareve (Parve)

Paris of America (New Orleans nickname)

Paris on the Prairie (Chicago nickname)

Paris Texas Platter (migas + French toast)

Parisian (inhabitant of Paris, Texas)

Park and Bark (singing with limited theatrical movement)

Park Avenuer (wealthy/snobby person who lives on Park Avenue)

Park Avenuer (wealthy/snobby person who lives on Park Avenue)

Park Bench Statesman (Park Bench Philosopher)

Park in the Sky (High Line)

Park Rowgue (Park Row + rogue)

Park Sloper (inhabitant of Park Slope, Brooklyn)

Parkie (resident of Park Cities of Highland Park/University Park)

Parkie/Parky

"Parking a single car doesn’t require much space. But parking 200 cars, now that requires a lot"

"Parking -- an average sovereign"

Parking and Barking (singing with limited theatrical movement)

"Parking assumes the existence of a parqueen"

Parking Card

"Parking garages are hotels for cars" ("Hotel for Autos")

"Parking is for eating customers only" (restaurant sign)

"Parking is such street sorrow"

"Where else can I park in New York City for two weeks for under $20?" (parking joke)

Parklet

Parkwanus (Park Slope + Gowanus)

Parkway

Parlor City (Bluffton, Indiana nickname)

Parlor City (Cedar Rapids, Iowa nickname)

Parlor City (Monroe, Louisiana nickname)

Parm (parmigiana)

"Parmesan cheese is just milk jerky"

"Parsley has pointed leaves; cilantro has curved leaves"

Parsons Table

Parthenon of Cast Iron (Haughwout Building)

Parthenon of Wall Street (Federal Hall National Memorial)

Partner; Pardner; Podner; Pard

"'Party Animals' know when the liquor stores close. Alcoholics know when the liquor stores open"

"Party down"

"Party hearty"

"Party instructions: Walk in. Eat as much as you can. Walk out"

"Party of 'no'" (opposition party)

Party of Paychecks (Republican party slogan)

Party of the Year (Met Gala nickname)

"Party on"

Party Pooper

Pasadenan (inhabitant of Pasadena)

Pass Over Opportunity Repeatedly ("poor" backronym)

"Pass the buck" (avoid responsibility)

"Passenger: Will this bus take me to New York?" (joke)

"Passenger with autism on board" (vehicle sign)

"Passports: When the government takes your right to travel and then sells it back to you"

"Past performance is no guarantee of future results" (investment adage)

Past Tense Media

"Pasta chefs are worth every penne"

Pasta e Fagioli ("Pasta Fazool")

"Pasta is worth every penne"

Pasta Primavera (Spaghetti Primavera)

Pastrami

"Pastrami implies the existence of presentrami and futurami"

"Pastrami implies the existence of presentrami and futurerami"

"Pastrami is known as presentrami when it's made and futurerami when they plan on making it"

Pastranomi (pastrami + astronomy)

Pastranomy (pastrami + astronomy)

"Pastranomy: the study of meats cured by moonlight"

Pastronomi (pastrami + astronomy)

Pastronomy (pastrami + astronomy)

Pastryarchy (pastry + patriarchy)

Pasture Pickles (jalapeño & cheese stuffed steak fingers)

PATH (Port Authority Trans-Hudson); THE (Trans-Hudson Express tunnel)

Pathocracy (Pathocrat)

"Patience is the ability to count down before blasting off"

"Patience is the ability to count down before you blast off"

"Patience is the ability to count down before you blast off"

"Patience is what you have when there are too many witnesses"

"Patience precedes profits" or "Patience precedes prosperity" (Wall Street adage)

Patio Beer

Patio Pounder (wine)

"Patriot is my preferred pronoun"

Patriotard (patriot + retard)

Patriotic Millionaire

"Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it"

Patrolio (NY Fire Patrol)

Patty (Hamburger Patty)

Paul and Paulette Revere (names for patriots)

"Pavlov walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

Pawnography (chess pawn + pornography)

Pay-and-Display

Pay Every Penny to Save Israel (false Pepsi etymology)

"Pay phones should be replaced with chargers for cell phones"

"Pay the farmer now or pay pharma later"

"Pay the farmer or pay the doctor"

Pay-to-Pray (Sunday parking meter regulations)

Pay-What-You-Want (Pay-As-You-Wish)

"Paychecks and weekends have a lot in common. They are short and don't last long enough"

PAYGO or PAYG (pay-as-you-go)

"Paying more taxes to the government will not change the weather"

"Paying rent is like hitting the snooze button on being homeless"

"Paying taxes in America is like having an indefinite car payment on a car that won't run"

"Paying taxes to a corrupt government is not patriotic. It is slavery"

"Paying taxes to a corrupt government isn't patriotism. It's slavery"

PayPutz (PayPal nickname)

PDX (Portland nickname)

"PE doesn't stand for physical education, it stands for public embarrassment"

"PE Teacher: You kicked the ball at the school computer? Student: You wanted it in the net."

"PE Teacher: You kicked the ball at the school computer? Student: You wanted it in the net."

"PE Teacher: You kicked the ball at the school computer? Student: You wanted it in the net."

Pea-pickin' Minute (Pea-picking Minute)

"Pea soup and jonnycake make a Frenchman's belly ache"

"Peace and justice are two sides of the same coin"

"Peace begins when the hungry are fed, and the future begins when the hungry are educated"

Peace Dividend

"Peace is that brief, glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading"

"Peace, love and candy"

"Peace, Love and Crabs" (Joe's Crab Shack)

"Peace, love & happy hour"

Peace Pentagon (339 Lafayette Street)

"Peace through strength"

"Peace Through Understanding" (1964 New York World's Fair)

Peacemaker (Colt revolver)

Peacemaker or La Mediatrice (oyster loaf)

Peacenik

Peach Capital of Texas (Parker County nickname)

Peach Melba (Pêche Melba)

Peach Puzzle

Peaches and Cream

"Peaches and gravy" (peaches and cream + gravy)

"Peaches are just fuzzy nectarines"

"Peaches are just hairy nectarines"

"Peaches are just suede nectarines"

"Peaches, the gorilla, escaped from the zoo. When they got her back, she was an ape re-caught"

Peacock Alley

Peacock Network (NBC)

Peakist

Peanut Brittle

Peanut Brutal (peanut brittle joke)

Peanut Butter and Banana Sandwich (The Elvis; Velvet Elvis; Elvis Sandwich)

"Peanut butter implies the existence of peanut bread"

"Peanut butter implies the existence of peanut butt and peanut buttest"

"Peanut butter implies the existence of peanut cheese"

"Peanut butter implies the existence of peanut margarine"

"Peanut butter implies the existence of peanut milk"

"Peanut butter implies the surprising existence of I Can't Believe It's Not Peanut Butter"

"Peanut butter is America's hummus"

"Peanut butter is the American hummus"

Peanut Gallery

Peanut Sticks (Peanut Stix)

"Peanuts being legumes, peanut butter is technically bean dip"

Peanutzi or Peanazi (peanut + Nazi)

Pearl Diver (a person who washes dishes)

Pearl of the Prairie (El Campo nickname)

Pearl (Parks Department squirrel mascot)

Pecan Capital of the World (San Saba); World's Largest Pecan (Seguin)

Pecos Bill (legendary superhuman cowboy)

Pecos Cantaloupe

Pecosin' (Pecosing) & Pecos Swap

Pecosite (inhabitant of Pecos)

Pedernales River Chili (LBJ recipe)

Pedestal Complex (Hall of Fame obsession)

Pedestrian Manager

Pedlock (pedestrian + gridlock)

Peel Noodles or Knife-Cut Noodles or Knife-Sliced Noodles (Dao-xaio-mian)

"Peel the sticker off a banana and put it on your forehead"

"Peeling a fruit is like unwrapping a gift from the earth"

"Peer pressure as an adult is seeing your neighbor mow their lawn"

Peking Ravioli (Chinese dumplings)

Pelado

Pellizcada ("pinched" tortilla appetizer)

"Penguin at the Big Apple" (instrumental song by The Trammps, 1972)

"Penguin at the Big Apple" (instrumental song by The Trammps, 1972)

Penguine or Penguini (penguin pasta)

Penguini or Penguine (penguin pasta)

Penis Motel & "So Close Yet So Far Out" (Austin Motel)

"PENNSYLVANIA 6-5000" (1940)

Pennsylvania: Keystone State (nickname)

Pennsylvania: "Pennsylvania is Philadelphia and Pittsburgh at the ends, Alabama in between"

Pennsylvania: "Where do pencils come from?"/"Pencil-vania."

Pennsylvania: "Where do pencils come from?"/"Pennsylvania."

Penny Lick

Penny-Pinching (Penny-Pincher)

Pentagram (Pentagon nickname)

"People are dying to get in" (cemetery joke)

"People are fed by the food industry, which pays no attention to health"

"People are getting smarter nowadays, letting lawyers, instead of their conscience, be their guide"

"People are hired for their talents and fired for their behavior"

"People are like Oreos. The good stuff is on the inside"

"People are like tacos. The good stuff is on the inside"

"People are panicking and already trading sex for food. It's crazy. Anyways I got a Klondike bar"

"People are panicking and already trading sex for food. It's crazy. Anyways I got tacos"

"People are prisoners of their phones. That's why they are called cell phones"

"People are putting names on food in the company fridge" (joke)

"People associate wearing glasses with being smart, but you have to fail a test to get them"

"People bad mouth lotteries but everyone pays taxes and odds of winning the lottery..."

"People Be Flyin Home From Work Like They Gone B Late For The House Or Sumn??"

"People buy from people they like" (business adage)

"People can get away with putting out empty candy bowls on Halloween with 'take one' signs"

"People can not be trusted to govern themselves, but people can be trusted to govern others"

"People cheating on their taxes disgust me. This is not the world I want to raise my 23 dependents"

"People couldn't start a conversation if the weather didn't change"

"People crying about stepping on Legos have never heard of Jacks!"

"People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care"

"People don't give to causes; people give to people with causes"

"People don’t like having to bend over to get their drinks. We really need to raise the bar"

"People don't think the grass be wet in the morning, but it dew"

"People don't want to hear your opinion. They want to hear their opinion coming out of your mouth"

"People eat meat and think they will become as strong as an ox, forgetting that the ox eats grass"

People Eating Tasty Animals (PETA parody/nickname)

"People end up a skunk, monk, drunk, chunk, or hunk" (State Department saying)

"People fear what they don’t understand and hate what they can’t conquer"

"People first, then money, then things"

"People get hired for what they know and fired for who they are"

"People getting off house arrest now must really be pissed off" (2019–20 coronavirus pandemic)

"People give their lives just so that a few fat cats can make a killing"

"People go to a restaurant for the food, but come back for the service"

"People go to Weight Watchers to learn their lessens"

"People have become so brainwashed that they think health comes from masks and needles"

"People laugh at my car because it's ugly and green. But at least I avocado"

"People like hard work when they are paying someone else to do it"

"People may doubt what you say, but they will believe what you do"

"People must not cough near you, they must cough far away..." ("far cough")

"People need to stop putting flyers on my car. I don't want to see the band 'Parking Violation'"

"People never tell you when it's their first rodeo, but are eager to inform you when it's not"

"People not liking you isn't oppression"

"People of quality do not fear equality"

"People of quality don't fear equality"

"People often ask me why I wanted to be a film editor. Well, to cut a long story short"

"People often say 'icy' is the easiest word to spell and, looking at it now, I see why"

"People often say that motivation doesn't last -- well, neither does bathing"

"People peel the stickers off of bananas despite the peel not being eaten"

"People rarely succeed at anything unless they have fun doing it"

"People say elevator music is boring. It's actually very next-level"

"People say laughter is the best medicine, but I think a big bottle of wine is the way to go"

"People say that money is not the key to happiness..."

"People say time is money. Well, I don't buy that for a second"

"People say your senior year flies. I just didn’t realize it would Zoom" (Class of 2020 joke)

"People scared of being fat are running from their fears"

"People sometimes call someone with glasses a nerd, yet you have to fail a test to get them"

"People tell me that my grammar stinks. What do they expect? She's 85!"

"People think grass don’t be wet in the morning, but it dew"

"People think I go out of my way to piss them off. Trust me, it's not out of my way at all"

"People think of education as something they can finish"

"People treat New Year's like some sort of life-changing event"

"People used to cough to cover up a fart. Now they fart to cover up a cough!" (virus joke)

"People vote their resentment, not their appreciation"

"People who are enjoying lockdown have 'stuck home' syndrome"

"People who are quarantining in jeans: what are you trying to prove"

"People who aren't nice to waiters aren't nice people"

"People who argue over the price of bread in a kosher bakery are challah-cost deniers"

"People who back into parking spots are show-offs"

"People who back into parking spots just want attention"

"People who boast about how good they are at yoga can go fuck themselves"

"People who buy sex dolls are fucking dummies"

"People who complain about taxes can be divided into two classes: men and women"

"People who complain about the way the ball bounces usually dropped it"

"People who do yoga can go fuck themselves"

"People who don't drink alcohol, why?"

"People who don't have tattoos have a right to bare arms"

"People who drive like hell are bound to get there"

"People who drive without music are actually psychopaths"

"People who drive without music are psychopaths"

"People who eat Twizzlers scare me. Like you’re really just sitting there enjoying flavored HDMI"

"People who exercise live longer, but those extra years are spent at the gym"

"People who haven't pooped yet today, why are you still holding on to last year's shit?"

"People who help you find what you're looking for at liquor stores should be called 'spirit guides'"

"People who invented internet never would have gotten around to doing it if they’d had internet"

"People who let the seat belt noise go off the whole ride don't be right all the way mentally"

"People who like bubble tea suck balls"

"People who like to drink know when liquor stores close. Alcoholics know when liquor stores open"

"People who live in glass houses should take out insurance"

"People who love to eat are always the best people" (Julia Child)

"People who need leaders aren't fit to choose them"

"People who pay, pay attention"

"People who say fractions are better than decimals are missing the point"

"People who say 'good morning' should be forced to prove it"

"People who say 'the system works' work for the system"

"People who say women belong in the kitchen obviously don't know what to do with them in the bed"

"People who stay in the car to listen to music a little bit longer are my kind of people"

"People who tell you the truth are trying to free you from a prison you don't even know you're in"

"People who think by the inch and talk by the yard deserve to be kicked by the foot"

"People who think that Canadians are more polite have never been to a minor league hockey game"

"People who think they can run away from their problems have obviously never farted on a treadmill"

"People who use public phone boxes are either buying drugs or having an affair"

"People who use selfie sticks really need to have a good, long look at themselves"

"People who use the wrong words sometimes should have the humidity to admit it"

"People who used to be late and blamed it on traffic are still late to their Zoom meetings"

"People who walk fast are beyond me"

"People will believe anything they read on the internet as long as you write it next to a picture"

"People will get mad at you for speaking the truth rather than being mad at the people who lied"

"People with air fryers: What does fried air taste like?"

"People with ???????????????????? ???????????????? still have ocean eyes. It's just Galveston water"

"People would take 'brownie points' more seriously if they resulted in actual brownies"

"People wouldn't be as eager to eat chicken breast if chickens had nipples"

People's Beach (Jacob Riis Park)

People's House (Gracie Mansion)

People's Microphone or People's Mic/Mike (using voices for amplified sound)

People's News Network (Twitter nickname)

People's Opera (New York City Opera)

People's Palace (NYPL Stephen A. Schwarzman Building)

People's Republic of Park Slope (Park Slope)

People's Republic of Portland (Portland nickname)

People's Roadway (Queensboro Bridge bike and pedestrian path)

PEOTUS (President-Elect Of The United States)

Pepperennui (pepper/pepperoni + ennui)

"Peppermint Schnapps, the mouthwash you can swallow"

Pepperoni Pizza (pizza with pepperoni)

"Pepperoni pizza is just a baked charcuterie board"

"Pepperoni pizza is technically charcuterie"

"Pepsi & Coke can't even be in the same restaurant together...and you want world peace"

"Pepsi-Cola hits the spot. Twelve full ounces, that's a lot" (jingle)

"'Per my last email' is office speak for 'bitch can you read'"

"Perception is everything (in politics)"

Percolatory (percolate + circulatory system)

Percolatory (percolate + Purgatory)

"Percolatory -- the time between when you wake up and when the coffee's ready"

"Perfect has seven letters. So does foooood. Coincidence? I think not"

Perfect Manhattan (cocktail)

"Perfection is not attainable, but if we chase perfection we can catch excellence"

"Performing since the Dead Sea was only sick" (a long time)

Perhaps I Arrive (Pakistan International Airlines or PIA backronymic nickname)

"Perhaps the greatest mistake made in American history was allowing government to educate"

"Perhaps the greatest mistake made in American history was in allowing government to educate"

"Perhaps they are not stars in the sky, but rather openings where our loved ones shine down"

Perkatory (percolate + purgatory)

Permabear (Perma-bear)

Permabull (Perma-bull)

Permanent Head Damage ("Ph.D." backronym)

Permawrong (Permaright)

"Permit me to issue and control the money of a nation, and I care not who makes its laws"

Permitorium or Permatorium (permit + moratorium)

Perp Walk

Perrymander or Perrymandering (Governor Rick Perry + gerrymander/gerrymandering)

"Perseverance and sweet oil"

Persiastroika (Persia + perestroika)

"Persist Until Success Happens" ("push" backronym)

"Persistent practice of postural principles promises perfection" (ballroom dancing adage)

"Person with autism on board" (vehicle sign)

"Personal liberty is the greater good"

"Personnel is policy"

Pervertico (Politico nickname)

"Pessimism never won any battle"

"Pesto is just Italian guacamole"

Pet Bank

Pet Cat (underrated football player)

Pet Rock (gold nickname)

Petco Park East or Petco East (Citi Field nickname)

Peter Funk

Peter Pan Economics (Peter Pan Economy)

Petro Metro (Houston nickname)

Petrodollar

Petrogold

"Petroleum jelly implies the existence of petroleum peanut butter"

Petroplex (Midland/Odessa nickname)

Pfatality (Pfizer + fatality)

Pfertility (Pfizer + fertility)

Pfizer Flop

Pfizer Pflop

Pflugervillian (inhabitant of Pflugerville)

Pfuckoff (Pfizer + fuck off)

"Pharma funds the media. The media funds your fears. Your fears fund your disease..."

Pharmafia (pharmaceutical company + mafia)

Pharmageddon (pharmaceutical + Armageddon)

"Pheidippides walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

Philanthrocapitalism (philanthropy + capitalism); Philanthrocapitalist

Philanthropreneur (philanthropist + entrepreneur)

"Philosophies are questions that may never be answered. Religions are answers..."

"Philosophy is questions that may never be answered. Religion is answers that may not be questioned"

"Philosophy majors ask why you want fries with that"

"Philosophy is wondering if a Bloody Mary counts as a smoothie"

Phoenix Bun (Liu Sha Bao or Liu Sa Bao; Chinese salted duck egg custard steamed bun)

Phogeddaboudit (pho + fuhgeddaboudit)

"Phoney as a three-dollar bill" ("Queer as a three-dollar bill")

Phony Fake Show

Phorrito (pho + burrito)

"Photographers are violent people. First they frame you, then they shoot you"

Photoplay

Physics for Poets (a science course for non-scientists)

Phyz or Phyzz (physical asset)

"Pi Day is just a fake holiday created by math companies to sell more math"

Piano District (Mott Haven, Bronx)

"Pibb Xtra is a poor man's Dr Pepper"

Picadillo

Picasso Alley (hallway at Four Seasons restaurant)

"Pick your poison" ("Choose your poison")

"Picking up nickels in front of a steamroller"

Pickle Alley (Essex Street)

Pickle Boat

Pickle Factory (Central Intelligence Agency or CIA nickname)

"Pickle juice isn't juiced pickles"

Pickleback (whiskey and pickle brine)

Pickles and Ice Cream

"Pickles are just goth cucumbers"

"Pickpocket: that little pocket inside the right pocket on jeans that you put guitar picks in"

"Pickup line to use at the hairdresser: 'So, do you comb hair often?'"

Pico de gallo

"Pico de gallo is just guacamole without avocado"

Pie Car

"Pie in the sky"

Pie-Off

Pie-oneer (pie + pioneer)

"Pie rates of Penn's aunts" (pun)

"Pie rates of Penn's aunts" (pun)

"Pie rates of the Caribbean" (pun)

Piecaken (pie + cake + turducken)

"Piece of cake"

Piedras (Mexican pastry "rocks" or "stones")

"Pierogies are just European gyoza"

"Pierogies are just Polish gyoza"

"Pierogies are just potato raviolis"

"Pierogis are just mashed potato ravioli"

"Pierogis are just Polish gyozas"

Pig Pickin' Cake

"Pig through the python" ("Pig in a python")

Pig Wings (Pork Wings; Hog Wings)

Pigeon Chess ("like playing chess with a pigeon")

"Pigeon government overthrown. There's been a coo"

Pigeons (New York City Football Club or NYCFC nickname)

Piggy Bank

"Pigs can fly...They just gotta pay for two seats"

PIIGS (Portugal + Italy + Ireland + Greece + Spain)

"Pilates? I thought you said pie and lattes"

"Pilates? I thought you said pie and lattes"

"Pile it high and watch it fly" (merchandising adage)

Piled Higher and Deeper ("Ph.D." backronym)

Pilgrim

Pilgrim (sandwich of Thanksgiving leftovers)

"Pillsbury Doughboy: Roll model or son of a biscuit?"

Piloncillo (Mexican Brown Sugar)

Pimp Steak (hot dog)

PIMPCO (PIMCO nickname)

"Pinch an inch" ("pinch test" fat measure)

"Pinch the tail and suck the head" or "Suck the head and pinch the tail" (crawfish eating)

Pine Curtain

"Pineapple on pizza is like the country music of pizza"

Pingdemic (ping + pandemic)

Pink Lemonade

Pink Line (pink + red line)

Pink Ribbon Bagel

Pink Slime

Pink Slip

Pink Tax (Woman Tax)

Pinky Friedman (pink cocktail named after Kinky Friedman)

PINO (Patriot In Name Only; Progressive In Name Only)

Pinot Moir or Pinot Moor or Pinot More (pronounced "pee no more")

Pinot Moor or Pinot Moir or Pinot More (pronounced "pee no more")

Pinot More or Pinot Moir or Pinot Moor (pronounced "pee no more")

Pinstripe Bowl

Pinstripers (Yankees, from their pinstripe uniforms)

"Pinterest is Instagram for moms"

"Pinterest is just adult tumblr"

"Pinterest is just We Heart It for adults"

"Pinterest is just We Heart It for moms"

"Pinterest is like fantasy football for girls"

Pinto Bean

"Pioneers take the arrows"

Pipa Tofu (Pei Pa Tofu)

Pipe Dream

Pipe Layer

Pipelineistan (pipeline + -istan)

Piragua (Puerto Rican snow cone)

"Piss on the fire and call in the dogs"

"Pistachios are little vegan clams"

"Pistachios are just land mussels"

"Pistachios are just tree mussels"

"Pistachios are land clams"

"Pistachios are the mussels of the nut world"

"Pistachios are the rich man's sunflower seeds"

"Pistachios are vegan mussels"

"Pistachios are vegetarian mussels"

Pistol (Carnegie Deli); LEO (Stage Deli)

Pistolette or Pistolet (French roll for Cajun sandwich)

Pitchforks and Torches (an angry mob or electorate)

Pitmaster (Pit Master)

PITS (Philippines + Indonesia + Thailand + Singapore)

Pittsburgh Rare

Pittsburgh Salad (with french fries)

Pizza

"Pizza alone won’t fill the emptiness of your soul. You’ll also need beer"

Pizza Americana (pizza topped with hot dogs and french fries)

Pizza Bagel

Pizza Bone

Pizza Connection or Pizza Principle (price of the subway vs. price of a slice of pizza)

"Pizza crust is just bread jerky"

"Pizza crusts are just free breadsticks"

"Pizza delivery cars should be allowed to use sirens"

Pizza Face (Pizzaface)

"Pizza is a pie chart that updates in real time showing how much pizza you have left"

"Pizza is healthier than crystal meth"

"Pizza is just a plate of food where you can eat the plate, too"

"Pizza is just an unfolded Italian burrito"

"Pizza is like sex" (Goldberg Pizzeria axiom)

"Pizza is the most important meal of the day"

"Pizza is the only love triangle I ever want"

Pizza Logs & Apple Pie Logs

Pizza Margherita (Pizza Margarita)

Pizza Phone (hotel phone button to order pizza)

"Pizza pockets imply the existence of pizza pants"

Pizza Rat

"Pizza rolls are just mini calzones"

"Pizza rolls are the Italian version of Fruit Gushers"

"Pizza rolls not gender roles"

Pizza Slice Joke ("Make six slices, I can't eat eight")

Pizza Slut (Pizza Hut nickname)

"Pizza sticks imply the existence of pizza trees"

"Pizza: The edible pie chart"

"Pizza topping implies the existence of pizza bottoming"

"Pizza toppings imply the existence of pizza bottomings"

Pizza Tumor

Pizza Upskirt (Pizza Undercarriage)

Pizzadilla (pizza + quesadilla)

Pizzaflation (pizza + inflation)

Pizzaflation (pizza + inflation)

Pizzagiana (pizza + parmigiana)

"Pizzas are cylinders, not circles"

"Pizzas are just flat tacos"

Pizzeria

Placardization

Plain Jane

"Plain M&M's are a poor man's Smarties"

Plain Vanilla (simple financial tools and methods)

"Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow"

"Plan your dive and dive your plan" (scuba diving adage)

"Plan your trade and trade your plan" (Wall Street adage)

"Plan your work and work your plan"

Plandemic (planned + pandemic)

Plandemic (plans + pandemic)

Plandid (planned + candid)

Plane Always Late (Philippine Airlines or PAL backronymic nickname)

Planet Albany

Planet Hollywood

"Planks for the skanks" (weightlifting saying)

Planned Barrenhood (Planned Parenthood nickname)

Planned Butcherhood (Planned Parenthood nickname)

Planned Frankenhood (Planned Parenthood nickname)

Planned-opolis (planned metropolis)

Planned Predators (Planned Parenthood nickname)

Plannedemic (planned + pandemic)

"Planners are a funny lot. They carry neither sword nor pistol..."

Plano Princess

Planoite (inhabitant of Plano)

"Plant-based beer implies the existence of plant-cringe beer"

"Plant-based burgers imply the existence of plant-cringe burgers"

"Plant-based diets imply the existence of plant-cringe diets"

"Plant-based food implies the existence of plant-cringe food"

"Plant-based implies the existence of meat-cringe"

"Plant-based implies the existence of plant-cringe"

"Plant-based mayonnaise implies the existence of plant-cringe mayonnaise"

"Plant-based meat implies the existence of plant-cringe meat"

"Plant-based meat substitutes imply the existence of plant-cringe meat substitutes"

"Plant-based meatballs imply the existence of plant-cringe meatballs"

"Plant-based milk implies the existence of plant-cringe milk"

"Plant-based nuggets imply the existence of plant-cringe nuggets"

"Plant-based pepperoni implies the existence of plant-cringe pepperoni"

"Plant-based protein implies the existence of plant-cringe protein"

"Plant-based sausages imply the existence of plant-cringe sausages"

"Plant-based snacks imply the existence of plant-cringe snacks"

"Plant pears for your heirs" (farming adage)

"Plants really be like 'I do not vibe wit dis dirt' and die"

"Plants really be like 'I'm not feeling dis dirt' and die"

"Plants rlly b like ‘I do not vibe with this dirt’ and die"

"Please don't honk at me. I'm probably already crying" (bumper sticker)

"Plastic bags are the tumbleweeds of New York City"

Plastic Banana

Plattsburgh: Michigan Hot Dog

Plattsburgh: Montreal's U.S. Airport (Plattsburgh International Airport nickname)

Prattsville: New York's Mount Rushmore (nickname)

"Play ball!" (baseball starting call)

"Play building and loan" (joke)

"Play for the name on the front of the jersey, not on the back"

"Play like a champion; train like an underdog"

"Play like you're in first; train like you're in second"

"Play me or trade me"

Play Street

"Play stupid games, win stupid prizes"

"Play the ball and don't let the ball play you" (baseball adage)

"Play west of the Hudson (River)"

Playcation (play + vacatinn)

"Players win games and coaches lose them"

Playground of the Southwest (Galveston nickname)

"Playing golf is like playing fetch with yourself"

"Plays aren't written, they're rewritten" (theatre adage)

Plaza District

"Please be patient. I'm screwing things up as fast as I can"

"Please be patient with me. I'm from the 1900s"

"Please be patient with the bartender. Even a toilet can handle only one asshole at a time"

"Please bring me a screwdriver."/"Flat head, Phillips, or Vodka?"

"Please burger, cheese" (restaurant order, a spoonerism for "Cheese burger, please")

"Please do not shoot the piano player. He is doing his best"

"Please don’t hate me because I’m unvaccinated. I was born that way"

"Please don't hit me. I don't know how insurance works" (bumper sticker)

"Please don't hit me. I'm not 100% sure about my coverage" (bumper sticker)

"Please don't honk at me. I'll cry" (bumper sticker)

"Please don't park too close. I'm fat" (bumper sticker)

"Please don't throw your cigarette ends on the floor. The cockroaches are getting cancer"

"Please drink responsibly, but tip recklessly"

"Please Eat The Activist" (PETA backronym)

"Please Excuse My Dear Aunt Sally" (PEMDAS math mnemonic)

"Please help me I'm trapped. In a Haiku factory. Save me before they"

Please Inform Allah (Pakistan International Airlines or PIA backronymic nickname)

"Please let me merge before I start crying" (bumper sticker)

"Please let me merge before I start crying" (bumper sticker)

"Please lower the cost of groceries. I'm not built for OnlyFans"

"Please lower the cost of living. I'm not built for OnlyFans"

"Please lower the gas prices. I'm not built for OnlyFans"

"Please refrain from making music puns"

"Please send an ambulance to 28 Eucalyptus Street" (joke)

"Please stand here until you realize your government is brainwashing you" (floor sticker)

"Please stop calling them Boomers. The proper term is CAPS LOCK-AMERICAN"

"Please stop making new flavors of Coca-cola. Either put the cocaine back or leave it alone"

"Please stop the hate on the lazy people. They didn’t do anything at all"

"Please understand I am only taking new friend requests from cats"

"Please understand I am only taking new friend requests from dogs"

"Please wait here until you realize your government is brainwashing you" (floor sticker)

"Pleaseburger, cheese" (restaurant order, a spoonerism for "Cheeseburger, please")

"Pledging allegiance to a flag is like reciting a love poem to a sock"

PLG or Prospect Lefferts Gardens (Prospect Park + Lefferts Manor + Brooklyn Botanic Garden)

PLINO (Pro-Life In Name Only)

PLT (plant, lettuce and tomato)

"Plumbers sing in a faucetto"

"P.M.A. (Positive Mental Attitude) -- I'm positive, I'm mental and I know I have attitude!"

PMS Pizza (pepperoni, mushrooms and sausage)

PMSNBC or PMS-NBC (MSNBC nickname)

PMSNBC or PMS-NBC (MSNBC nickname)

Po' Boy or Poor Boy (sandwich)

Pocho & Pochismo

Pocket City (Evansville, Indiana nickname)

Pocketbook Issue

Poetry in Motion

"Poetry is proof that rhyme doesn't pay"

Poet's Building (437 East 12th Street)

POETS Day (Piss Off Early, Tomorrow's Saturday)

Pogey Bait

Pointy Boots

Poison Pill

"Poisoned coffee, n: Grounds for divorce"

Poke Test or Finger Test (rule for cooking meat)

Poker (card game)

Pok?rrito (pok? + burrito)

Pokey Award

Polar Bears

Pole Tax (homophone of "poll tax")

Pole Tax (homophone of “poll tax")

"Pole vaulting is just reverse limbo"

"Pole vaulting is the opposite of limbo"

"Police are a fraternity, fire personnel are a brotherhood, and EMTs are family"

"Police are hunting a knitting needle murderer. They think he’s following some sort of pattern"

"Police are like a box of chocolates. They'll kill your dog"

"Police have arrested the world tongue-twister champion. I imagine he'll be given a tough sentence"

"Police jokes just aren't funny. Give it arrest"

"Police: My job is to protect your ass, not kiss it"

"Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest"

"Policy follows the money"

Polidiot (politics + idiot)

Poligarchy (political + oligarchy); Poligarch

Poligion (politics + religion)

"Polish by blood. American by birth. Patriot by choice"

Polish Tea Room (Cafe Edison at Hotel Edison)

"Politeness never defeated an existential threat"

"Political campaign: a matter of mud, threat, and smears"

"Political correctness is fascism pretending to be manners"

"Political correctness is tyranny with a happy face"

Political Football

Political Pundit (Punditry)

Political Row (East 7th Street, between Avenues C and D)

Political Row (East 7th Street, between Avenues C and D)

Political Suicide

"Politician -- One who shakes your hand before election and your confidence after"

"Politician -- One who stands for what he thinks the voters will fall for"

"Politicians and diapers should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason"

"Politicians and nappies should be changed often, and for the same reason"

"Politicians and roosters crow about what they intend to do. Roosters deliver"

"Politicians are interested in people; fleas are interested in dogs"

"Politicians are the lowest form of life on earth"

"Politicians aren't disarming citizens to keep citizens safe. They're disarming citizens to keep themselves safe when they enact tyranny"

"Politicians forget they've been appointed and think they've been anointed"

"Politicians haven’t been tarred and feathered in a while and it shows"

"Politicians like to cut ribbons, but they don't like to sweep brooms"

"Politicians, old buildings and prostitutes become respectable with age"

"Politician's Polka -- one step forward, two steps back, and sidestep the issue"

"Politicians prefer unarmed peasants"

"Politicians: Scrape shit from boots before entering" (sign)

"Politicians see the light when they feel the heat"

"Politicians should wear Nascar-like uniforms to show their sponsors"

"Politicians -- They can't balance the budget, but they all become millionaires"

"Politicians use statistics as a drunken man uses lamp posts -- for support, not illumination"

"Politicians who complain about the press are like sailors complaining about the sea"

"Politics ain't beanbag"

"Politics and crime are the same thing"

"Politics and crime, they're the same thing"

"Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows -- marriage does"

"Politics has got so expensive that it takes lots of money even to get beat with"

"Politics is a contact sport" ("Democracy is a contact sport")

"Politics is downstream from culture"

"Politics is like football. You must be smart enough to play, dumb enough to think it's important"

"Politics is show business for ugly people"

"Politics is simply theatre for the slave class"

"Politics is the art of making your selfish desires seem like the national interest"

"Politics is the art of looking for trouble..."

"Politics is the art of postponing decisions until they are no longer relevant"

"Politics is the art of taking money from the few and votes from the many"

"Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich"

"Politics is the use of others in the service of self-interest..."

"Politics is the world's second oldest profession"

"Politics is too important to be left to the politicians"

"Politics is war without bloodshed, while war is politics with bloodshed"

"Politics makes strange bedfellows"

Politics of Grievance

Politics of Personal Destruction

Politics of Respectability

"Politics ruin everything"

"Politics ruins everything"

"Politics stops at the water's edge"

"Politics: the art of using euphemisms, lies, emotionalism and fear-mongering to dupe average people..."

PolitiFarce (PolitiFact nickname)

Politiho (Politico + ho/whore)

Politiquera (campaign worker or vote broker)

Poliwood (politics + Hollywood)

"Pollen is the snow of the south"

"Polo is a passport to the world"

"Polonaise is Polish mayonnaise"

Polterheist (poltergeist + heist)

Polyester of Lettuce (iceberg lettuce nickname)

Polygummy (polygamy + gummy bear)

Polyjamorous (polyamorous + jam)

"Pomegranate is just inverted corn"

"Pomegranate is reverse corn"

"Pomegranate is the corn of fruit"

"Pomegranates are just inverted corn"

"Pomegranates are just reverse corn"

Ponche Navideño or Ponche de Navidad (Mexican Christmas Punch)

Ponzi Scheme

Ponzimonium (Ponzi scheme + pandemonium)

Ponzinomics (Ponzi scheme + economics)

Pooch (puchera/puchero?)

"Pool party at my house, bring the pool then leave"

"Pool party at my house. Bring your own pool"

"Poop before midnight. You don't want to be carrying the same shit into the new year"

Poop (three-point shot in basketball)

Poopstock (Occupy Wall Street nickname)

Poor Boy (four lane undivided highway)

Poor Boy Sandwich (Po' Boy Sandwich)

"Poor complain about money they can't get; rich complain about money they can't keep"

Poor Door

"Poor farmers grow crops, but good farmers grow soil"

Poor, Hungry and Determined ("Ph.D." backronym)

Poor, Hungry and Driven ("Ph.D." backronym)

Poor, Hungry Doctor ("Ph.D." backronym)

Poor Little Rich Girl

Poor Man's Butter (avocado)

Poor Man's Fertilizer (snow)

Poor Man's Gold (silver nickname)

Poor Man's Harvard (CCNY nickname)

Poor Man's Lobster (monkfish)

Poor Man's Manure (snow)

Poor Man's Miami Beach (Brighton Beach)

Poor Man's Oyster (mussel; snail; clam)

Poor Man's Perrier (seltzer or club soda)

Poor Man's Riviera (Coney Island)

Poor Man's Virus (COVID-19)

"Poor New Mexico! So far from heaven and so close to Texas"

Poor Old Nigger Thinks It's A Cadillac (Pontiac backronymic nickname)

"Poor people are crazy; rich people are eccentric"

"Poor people pay tax. Rich people pay accountants. The super-rich pay politicians"

Poor Person's Virus (COVID-19)

"Poorly constructed burritos get a bad wrap"

"Pop. 208 Elev. 100 ft." (Burritoville)

"Pop-Tarts are breakfast ravioli"

"Pop-Tarts are just breakfast Hot Pockets"

"Pop-Tarts are the poor man's Toaster Strudel"

Pop-Up Bar

Pop-Up Café

Pop-Up Hotel

Pop-Up Restaurant

Popcorn at the movies

Popcorn Chicken

"Popcorn implies the existence of momcorn"

"Popcorn is a sponge that feeds you butter"

"Popcorn is a steamed vegetable"

"Popcorn is a vegetable"

"Popcorn is just a vehicle for butter and salt"

"Popcorn is just a vehicle for eating butter"

"Popcorn is probably just as unique as snowflakes"

Popcorn Tea

Pope of America (Archbishop of Archdiocese of New York)

Popera (pop/popular + opera)

Popo (Pissing Off a Police Officer?)

"Popping a cell" (Rikers slang)

Poppy Seed Dressing

"Poppy seeds are nature's glitter"

"Poppy seeds are the glitter of food"

"Poppy seeds are the glitter of the bagel world"

"Poppy seeds imply the existence of mommy seeds"

"Poppyseed is the opposite of mommyseed"

Poptail (popsicle + cocktail)

"Pop-Tarts imply the existence of Mom-Tarts"

Populist (Populism)

Porchclimbers (American League baseball team, later called Yankees)

Pork Barrel

Pork Chopper (helicopter used for shooting hogs)

Pork Chops and Applesauce

Pork New York Chop

"Pork rinds are basically savory cotton candy"

"Pork rinds are just meat popcorn"

"Pork rinds are just meat cotton candy"

"Pork rinds are the popcorn of bacon"

"Pork rinds are the popcorn of ham"

"Pork rinds are the popcorn of the pig world"

Porkopolis (Cincinnati and Chicago nickname)

"Porktuguese is like the other Romance Languages, except that it evolved from pig Latin"

Porkulus or Porkulous; Porkapalooza; Porktastic (full of "pork barrel" spending)

"Porn gives people an unrealistic expectation of how quickly a plumber will get to your house"

"Porn in a cup" (10-shot espresso drink)

"Porn is the only industry where having sex with your coworkers is encouraged"

"Pornhub now has a category for Coronavirus videos. It's for sick fucks"

Porno-Graphic (New York Evening Graphic nickname)

"Porsches are just spicy Volkswagens"

Port A (Port Aransas)

Port Arthuran or Port Arthurian (inhabitant of Port Arthur)

Port-au-Prince of America

Portageville: Grand Canyon of the East (Letchworth State Park nickname)

"Porter, there's a lamb in my hotel room!"/"Sir, that's the mini baa."

Porterhouse Steak

"Portland: Where young people go to retire"

Portocrat (bureaucrat from the Port Authority)

Poshtel (posh + hostel)

"Positive anything is better than negative nothing"

Positive Attitude Changes Everything ("pace" backronym)

"Positive, Open, Friendly" (Roger Smith Hotel)

Posole (Pozole)

POSPOTUS (POS + POTUS or President Of Some People Of The United States)

Post-It Note Building (15 William Street)

"Post office implies the existence of pre office"

Post-Partisan

"Post what you want. We can delete it in the morning. -- Alcohol"

Postage Stamp Consensus

"Posted a photo of my clean house and it was flagged and removed as 'fake news'"

"Posted a photo of my clean house on Facebook and it was flagged as fake news"

"Posting and toasting" (basketball terminology)

POSX (U.S. Dollar Index or USDX nickname)

Pot Princess

Pot Roast (Yankee Pot Roast)

Potachos (potato chips + nachos)

"Potato chip truck accident on the highway, expect de-Lays"

"Potato kugel is just a casserole latke"

"Potato kugel is just a giant latke"

"Potato kugel is just latke cake"

Potato Sauce or Potatosauce

Potato Skin

"Potato soup is just a hot vegetable smoothie"

Potato Sticks

Potato Wedges

"Potatoes, carrots, parsnips, turnips, beets, yams…. I’ll never forget my roots"

"Potatoes give us potato chips, French fries, and vodka"

"Potatoes make french fries, chips and vodka. It's like the other vegetables aren't even trying"

Potatoes O'Brien

Potatosauce or Potato Sauce

Potemkin Journalism (Potemkin Journalist)

"Potential is what gets coaches fired"

"Potholes in Texas will change your radio station and lock your doors"

"Potstickers are just Chinese ravioli"

Potsy

Pottery Capital of the World (Marshall nickname)

Potty Parity (Women's Restroom Equity Bill)

POTUS (President Of The United States)

Poughkeepsie: Po-Town (nickname)

Poughkeepsie: Queen City of the Hudson (nickname)

Pour le Bois (sandwich) & Pourbois (unsupported "po' boy" French etymologies)

"'Pour me,' thought the teapot"

"Pour yourself a drink, put on some lipstick and pull yourself together"

"Poutine is healthier than crystal meth"

"Poutine is a form of potato salad"

"Poutine is just Canadian potato salad"

"Poutine is just warm potato salad"

"Poverty exists not because we cannot feed the poor, but because we cannot satisfy the rich"

"Poverty exists not because we can't feed the poor, but because we can't satisfy the rich"

Poverty Hollow

"Poverty is hereditary – you get it from your children"

"Poverty is not a disgrace, but it's terribly inconvenient"

Poverty Pimp (Povitician)

"Powdered drink mix is just seasoning for water"

"Powdered sugar is the glitter of baking supplies"

Power Breakfast; Power Lunch

Power Elite

"Power is the great aphrodisiac" ("Power is the ultimate aphrodisiac")

"Power is where power goes"

Power of the Purse

"Power stays with a fighter for years" (boxing adage)

Power Steak

"Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does"

"Practice as if you are the worst. Play as if you are the best"

"Practice doesn't make perfect; perfect practice makes perfect"

"Practice media distancing"

"Practice puts brains in your muscles"

"Practice safe eating -- always use condiments"

"Practice safe six" (six feet apart social distancing)

"Practice safe text –- use commas and never miss a period"

"Practice social media distancing"

Prairie Fire (hot hors d'oeuvre)

Prairie Fire (Tabasco and tequila cocktail)

"Praise works with only three types of people; men, women and children"

"Praising the government for reopening the country is like thanking your abuser when they stop"

"Praising the government for reopening the province is like thanking your abuser when they stop"

"Praising the government for reopening your state is like thanking your abuser when they stop"

Pravda on the Hudson (New York Times nickname)

"Prawnography: (n) - a documentary on shrimp"

Prawns and Scallops in a Love Nest

"Prayer is the world's greatest wireless connection"

Prayerpalooza

"Prayers work best when you have big players"

Pre-Monday (Sunday nickname)

Pre-rich (euphemism for someone who is not rich)

"Pre-school rules and bar rules are the same. You piss your pants, you go home"

"Preach to the choir" ("Preach to the converted")

"Preheat minutes are longer than regular minutes"

"Premature treejaculation -- the act of erecting one's festive decor in any month prior to December"

Premium Support (health insurance)

Premox or POx (premature oxidation)

Prepper (disaster preparation expert)

"Preschool rules and bar rules are the same. You pee your pants, you go home"

Presidential Corridor

Press Corpse (obituary-writing press corps nickname)

Press Corpse (press corps nickname)

Press Gaggle

Presser

"Pressing the key fob once locks the car. Pressing it like eight or nine times SUPER locks it"

"Pressing the lock button on your car keys twice is essential. Just like saving your game twice"

Presstitute (press + prostitute)

"Pressure can burst a pipe or pressure can make a diamond"

"Pretend to honk if you like mimes" (bumper sticker)

"Pretty excited about making a huge Thanksgiving feast so my daughter can eat a roll"

"Pretty excited. Our loan was approved. We're closing on a full tank of gas this weekend"

Pretty Huge Debt ("Ph.D." backronym)

"Pretty please, with sugar on top"

"Pretty rude that it's not Friday, but ok"

Pretty Stupid Ass Test ("PSAT" backronym)

"Pretty sure the heat index today is somewhere between boob sweat and Satan's anus"

"Pretty weird how we are all living in a time where not going to the gym is considered healthy"

"Pretty wild how we used to eat cake after someone had just blown air from their mouth onto it"

Pretzel Burger

Pretzel Rod

Pretzel (Soft Pretzel)

"Pretzels are dough knots"

"Pretzels are just a vehicle for mustard"

Prewalking

"Price action makes market commentary"

"Price it low, watch it go; price it high, watch it die" (real estate adage)

"Prices lead fundamentals" (Wall Street adage)

Prickly Pear Cactus (official state plant)

Pride in the City (People of Color in Crisis)

Pride of Midtown (FDNY Engine 54, Ladder 4, Battalion 9, at 48th Street and Eighth Avenue)

"Primark implies the existence of Primatthew, Priluke and Prijohn"

Primenesia (Amazon Prime + amnesia)

"Primenesia (noun) -- When you order so much Amazon Prime that you don't know what's in the box"

"Princess parking only. All others will be toad"

"Pringles are the particle board of potato chips"

"Pringles are the particle board of the potato chip industry"

"Pringles chips tubes need to be more like push pops. We have the technology!"

"Pringles got into my carpet. It's beginning to look a lot like crisp mush"

"Print guns, not money"

Printer in Chief (Fed chairman nickname)

Printing District

"Printing will continue until freedom improves"

"Prison may be just one word. But to others, it's a whole sentence"

Prison Spread

"Prison walls are never built to scale"

Prisonville (Raymondville nickname)

"Private Parking. Unauthorized vehicles will be worked over with a sledgehammer..."

"Pro Ecclesia, Pro Texana" (Baylor University motto)

"Pro-tip: If you are at the courthouse, always check behind the toilets for bribe money that hasn't been collected yet"

"Pro tip: If you stir coconut oil into your kale, it makes it easier to scrape it into the trash"

"Probe with bayonets"

"'Probiotic' sounds a lot better than 'bacteria infested'"

"Probiotics imply the existence of amateurbiotics"

"Probiotics imply the existence of casualbiotics"

"Probiotics imply the existence of conbiotics"

Problem - Reaction - Solution

"Problem with banker jokes - bankers don't think they're funny and others don't think they're jokes"

"Problem with lawyer jokes - lawyers don't think they're funny and others don't think they're jokes"

"Problem with propaganda is the past changes so quickly, you don't know what will happen yesterday"

Procaffeination (Procaffeinate; Procaffeinating)

Procaffination (Procaffinate; Procaffinating)

"Procaffinator, n., One who puts off tasks until after the first cup of coffee or tea"

Procrastidrinking (procrastinating + drinking)

"Procrastidrinking: The art of drinking instead of doing something else you should be doing"

"Procrastination is a good thing. You always have something to do tomorrow and nothing to do today"

"Procrastination is easier done than said"

"Procrastination is the grave in which opportunity is buried"

"Procrastinators are the leaders of tomorrow"

Procrasturbake (procrastinate + masturbate + bake)

Procrasturbate (procrastinate + masturbate)

ProCro (Prospect Heights + Crown Heights)

"Products are made in the factory, but brands are created in the mind"

"Professional courtesy" (lawyer joke)

Professional Homeless

Professorette

Profishional (professional + fish/fishing)

"Profit is not a four-letter word"

Profit of Doom

"Profits are an opinion, cash is a fact"

"Profits are the mother's milk of stocks"

Proglican (progressive + Republican)

"Programmer -- an organism that turns coffee into software"

"Programming is like sex: One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life"

"Progress is what happens when impossibility yields to necessity"

Progressive

Progressive Capital of the Nation (New York State nickname)

"Progressivism: Ideas so good they have to be mandatory"

ProHo (Prospect Heights)

Project UnVeritas (Project Veritas nickname)

"Promiscuous girls are like Walmart..." (NSFW joke)

"Promises and pie crust are made to be broken"

"Promises are like crying babies in a theater. They should be carried out at once"

"Proof that 9/11 wasn't a government plot: It worked"

"Proofread carefully to see if you any words out"

"Proofreading is impotant"

"Proofreading is impotent"

"Propaganda isn't just about creating fake news. It's also about hiding real news"

"Propaganda works best when those who are being manipulated are confident they are acting on..."

Propagandemic (propaganda + pandemic)

Proper Planning and Preparation Prevents Piss Poor Performance (7 Ps)

"Proper tea is theft" (anarchist joke)

"Property Taxes: Even after you pay off the mortgage, your home will never truly be yours"

"Prophets are going through the roof" (joke)

"Pros and cons of making food: Pros=food Cons=making"

"Prosciutto implies the existence of amateursciutto"

"Prosciutto implies the existence of antisciutto"

"Prosciutto implies the existence of consciutto"

"Prosecco implies the existence of Amateursecco"

"Prosecco implies the existence of Antisecco"

"Prosecco is just Amateursecco that gets paid"

"Prospects will break your heart" (baseball adage)

"Prosperity absorbs all criticism"

"Prosperity is something created by businessmen for politicians to take credit for"

Prostitute Heights (Prospect Heights High School nickname)

"Prostitution is a hole sale business"

Prostitution Park (Crispus Attucks Park)

"Protect your bagels. Put lox on them"

"Protect your tweets from being stolen by writing really bad ones like this"

"Protected by FAFO fuck around and find out security system"

"Protected by fuck around and find out home security"

"Protected by fuck around and find out surveillance"

Protection Racket

Proud City

"Prune roses before Presidents Day and azaleas before the Fourth of July"

"Ps get degrees" (P=passing grade)

"PSA: Everyone who isn't from Texas is a Yankee. I'm sorry, I do NOT make the rules"

PSAL (Public Schools Athletic League)

Pseudocracy (pseudo + democracy)

"Psychopaths rely on your silence, ignorance and obedience"

Psyop-19 (psyop + COVID-19)

Ptomaine Road (Broadway, between 42nd and 49th Streets)

Pub Alley (West 38th Street)

Public Appendix (Public Advocate nickname)

Public Brainwashing Service (Public Broadcasting Service nickname)

Public Fool System (fool + public school system)

Public Fools System (fools + public schools system)

Public Health Capital of the World

"The public is right during the trends, but wrong at both ends" (Wall Street adage)

"Public school is a place of detention for children placed in the care of teachers..."

"Public schools are indoctrination camps"

"Public schools are indoctrination centers"

"Public schools are woke indoctrination camps"

"Public schools are woke indoctrination centers"

"Publicity is like poison. It doesn't hurt unless you swallow it"

Puck (flat disk used in hockey)

Puddle Pirate (Coast Guard member nickname)

Puddletown (Portland nickname)

Puerto Rican Day Parade

Puff Ho or PuffHo (Huffington Post or "HuffPo" nickname)

Puffer or Kartoffelpuffer (potato pancakes)

Puffington Host or Huffington Puffington ComPost (Huffington Post nickname)

Puffy Tacos

Puke State (Missouri nickname)

Pulaski Day Parade

"Pull yourself up by your bootstraps"

Pulled Pork

"Pulled pork implies the existence of pushed pork"

"Pulled pork is just meat cotton candy"

"Pulled pork is pulled apart, therefore, sausages are pushed pork"

Pulling a (Judge) Crater ("The missingest man in New York")

Pully Bone or Pullybone (Pulley Bone or Pulleybone; Pulling Bone; Pull Bone)

Pulse Loan

PUMA (Party Unity My Ass)

Pump and Dump (stock scheme)

Pump Jack Capital of Texas (Electra nickname)

Pumpkin Capital USA (Floydada nickname)

Pumpkin House (Hudson Heights, Manhattan)

"Pumpkin kisses and harvest wishes"

"Pumpkin pie is the closest thing to a vegetable I'll see until January"

Pumpkin Spice Latte

"Pumpkin wishes and candy corn kisses"

"Pumpkins are just autumn watermelons"

"Pumpkins are just fall watermelons"

"Pumpkins are just goth watermelons"

"Pumpkins are just spooky watermelons"

"Pun enters a room, kills 10 people. Pun in, 10 dead"

"Punch above one's weight" (boxing metaphor)

Punchball (Punch Ball)

Pundemic (pun + pandemic)

Pundette (female pundit)

Punditocracy

PUnivision (Univision nickname)

"Puns about monorails always make for decent one-liners"

Punyvision (Univision nickname)

Puppy Chow (cereal snack)

Puppy Dog Close (sales technique)

Pure Bull Shit (Public Broadcasting Service or PBS nickname)

"Puréed soup is just a hot vegetable smoothie"

Purity or Virtue (1909)

Purple Cow (grape soda float)

Purple Drank

Purple State

"Purpose is an incredible alarm clock"

Push-in robbery

"Put 10% of your portfolio in gold and hope it doesn't work" (investment adage)

"Put a different drink in every room of the house and pretend you're on a pub crawl"

"Put a little money away every month and at the end of the year ..." (joke)

"Put a potato in your swim trunks to attract more women" (joke)

"Put all your eggs in the one basket and -- WATCH THAT BASKET"

"Put chili on stove to simmer. Broil a steak. Eat the steak. Let chili simmer. Ignore it." (Shivers)

"Put on your big girl panties and deal with it"

"Put on your positive pants"

"Put some South in your mouth!"

"Put some whiskey in my coffee because it's Ireland somewhere"

"Put Texas in your corner" (vehicle registration)

"Put the biscuit in the basket" (put the hockey puck in the net)

"Put the fun between your legs" (cycling saying)

"Put the politicians on minimum wage and watch how fast things change"

"Put the 'T' back in Texas"

"Put them in a big bowl and beat for three hours" (college football joke)

"Put your diploma on the windshield so you can park in a handicap spot"

"Put your hair in a bun, drink some coffee and handle it"

"Put your hair up in a bun, drink some coffee and handle it"

"Put your positive pants on"

"Puttin' on the Ritz" (1929)

Putting Green (a bed of parsley)

"Putting ketchup on your eggs should lower your credit score"

"Putting ketchup on your mac n cheese should lower your credit score"

"Putting ketchup on your steak should also affect your credit score"

"Putting ketchup on your steak should lower your credit score"

"Putting on a mask to walk ten feet through a restaurant..."

"Putting salt on your food is technically just eating rocks"

"Putting soup in a square Tupperware... It should be a circle one which is the shape of soup"

"Putting vodka in my juice, because it's Russia somewhere"

Puzzle Palace (Pentagon, National Security Agency nickname)

Pyramid Scheme