“Confucius say: Baseball very funny game—man with 4 balls no can walk!”

“Big Apple” (song by Molly Hatchet, 1978)

“The person who named sweetbreads isn’t allowed to name stuff anymore”

“Baseball is wrong. A man with four balls cannot walk”

“Big Apple Rappin’” (rap by Spyder-D, 1980)

“Big Apple Rappin’” (rap by Spyder-D, 1980)

“Confucius say: Baseball very strange game. How can man with 4 balls walk?”

“Big Apple” (song by Molly Hatchet, 1978)

“I know it’s time to clean out my purse when my car assumes it’s a second passenger…”

“Losing weight should be like losing your virginity. Once you lose it you can never get it back”

“The Big Apple” (instrumental song by Hugh Masekela, 1972)

“Big Apple” lyric in the Lynyrd Skynyrd song “I’m a Country Boy” (1975)

“You know it’s time to clean out your purse when the car assumes it’s a second passenger…”

“Big Apple” lyric in the Joni Mitchell song “Song for Sharon” (1976)

“Talking Big Apple ’75” (song by Loudon Wainwright III, 1976)

“Everybody bites on the Big Apple” lyric in the Cat Stevens song “New York Times” (1978)

“Everybody bites on the Big Apple” lyric in the Cat Stevens song “New York Times” (1978)

“The Big Apple” (instrumental song by Hugh Masekela, 1972)

“Your call is important to us. Please stay on the line…” (joke)

“Talking Big Apple ‘75” (song by Loudon Wainwright III, 1976)

“A duck walks into a bar. The bartender asks, ‘Waddle it be?’” (bar joke)

Uncle Tom’s Cabin or Black Tin Pan Alley (Gaiety Building)

“When life throws you a taco, eat it”

“What does a penguin waiter say?”/“Waddle it be?”

“Big Apple” lyric in the Lynyrd Skynyrd song “I’m a Country Boy” (1975)

“Penguin at the Big Apple” (instrumental song by The Trammps, 1972)

Black Tin Pan Alley or Uncle Tom’s Cabin (Gaiety Building)

“Nachos are just broken tacos”

“Penguin at the Big Apple” (instrumental song by The Trammps, 1972)

“What do penguin waiters say?”/“Waddle it be?”

Big Apple Doughnut (Krispy Kreme donut, 2020)

“I have two reactions when I leave the house: 1. Ew, the weather. 2. Ew, the people”

“What do iPhones eat for breakfast?”/“Siri-al.”

“What did the iPhone eat for breakfast?”/“Siri-al.”

“Beer is liquid bread”

“I had to stop going to this comedy coffee shop. Too much brew haha”

“I’m having a vision problem today. I can’t see myself doing much”

“I fill sorry four all the kids that half to learn from home with parents who can’t reed…”

“Do what makes you happy because if you died today, your job would be posted before your obituary”

“Take care of you because if you died today, your job will be posted online before your obituary”

“I’m staying home today. I have mood poisoning”

“I got mood poisoning at work. It must be something I hate”

“Hard seltzer is just millennial Zima”

“White Claw is just Zima for millennials”

“Whoever invented the rice cake had a pretty loose concept of ‘cake’”

“Hard seltzer is just Zima for millennials”

“I just lost my job as a zookeeper…” (joke)

“White Claw is just millennial Zima”

“Alcoholic seltzer is millennial Zima”

“I lost my job at the zoo recently…” (joke)

“If the situation were truly hopeless, their propaganda would be truly unnecessary”

“White Claw is just Zima for zoomers”

“When life gives you broken taco shells, make nachos”

“Hard seltzer is just Zima for zoomers”

“When life gives you tacos, eat them”

“When life gives you broken taco shells, make taco salad”

“When life gives you broken tacos, make taco salad”

“I just crashed my Kia. Now I have Nokia”

“When life gives you broken tacos, make nachos”

“White Claw is just zoomer Zima”

Big Pharmafia (Big Pharma + mafia)

Pharmafia (pharmaceutical company + mafia)

“Every restaurant be packed on Mother’s Day. But they want US to bbq on Father’s Day”

“Why did the dad joke cross the road?”/“To get to the other sigh.”

“Why did the dad joke cross the road?”/“To get father away.”

“I just cleared out some space in the freezer sounds much more productive than I had ice cream”

“Every restaurant is packed on Mother’s Day. But they want us to barbecue on Father’s Day”

“What is a duck’s favorite cheese?”/“Quacker Barrel.”

“Where do ducks go for dinner?”/“Quacker Barrel.”

“When I’m at the store and getting something, I grab the one behind it…”

“Completely misunderstood pride month. Who wants to buy 15 lions?”

“Why do lions stay with their families in June?”/“Because that’s Pride Month!”

“Rapping about how the Big Apple is outta sight” (The Last Poets, 1969-1970)

“All eggs are poached eggs”

“New York, New York, the Big Apple” (The Last Poets, 1969-1970)

“Got my first shot. Going to get my second shot as soon as the bartender comes back”

“That awkward moment when you leave a store and didn’t buy anything…”

“I got my first shot. And I’ll get my second shot as soon as I can get the bartender’s attention”

“Rapping about how the Big Apple is outta sight” (The Last Poets, 1969-1970)

“New York, New York, the Big Apple” (The Last Poets, 1969-1970)

Big Apple Jazz Tours (1997-present)

The Big Apple Band (1972-1977); Walter Murphy & The Big Apple Band (1976)

“New York, the ‘Big Apple,’ the jazz mecca” (Hart’s Guide to New York City, 1964)

“To the musicians playing it, New York is ‘The Big Apple‘” (New York Is book, 1959)

Scaredemic (scare + pandemic)

“To the musicians playing it, New York is ‘The Big Apple’” (New York Is book, 1959)

“We’ve got hotels and motels and hostels, but no mostels”

The Big Apple Band (1972-1977); Walter Murphy & The Big Apple Band (1976)

Big Apple Jazz Tours

“New York, the ‘Big Apple,’ the jazz mecca” (Hart’s Guide to New York City, 1964)

Vackseen (variant spelling of “vaccine”)

Center for Disease Continuance (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention or CDC nickname)

Vacksination (variant spelling of “vaccination”)

Vacksinashun (variant spelling of “vaccination”)

“Spelling is not my fortay”

Vacksinate (variant spelling of “vaccinate”)

“Spelling is my fortay”

“Queso = Spanish for cheese.  K, so = Midwestern for here’s the plan and you might not like it”

Vackseenz (variant spelling of “vaccines”)

“Spelling isn’t my fortay”