A plaque remaining from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem.

Above, a 1934 plaque from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem. Discarded as trash in 2006. Now a Popeyes fast food restaurant on Google Maps.

Recent entries:
“Smile. It’s Friday” (3/1)
“So I need a uterus to have an opinion about women’s health, but not to compete in women’s sports” (3/1)
“Income tax: the fine you pay for not being quite the person your ancestor was” (3/1)
“Wind chimes are made from the metallic bones of robots that tried to overthrow us…” (3/1)
Entry in progress—BP3 (3/1)
More new entries...

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E-Z Pass

"Each cup of tea represents an imaginary voyage"

"Each day of our lives we make deposits into the memory banks of our children"

Eagle Capital of Texas (Rains County)

Eagle (golf score)

Eagle Passan (inhabitant of Eagle Pass)

"Eagles don't deliver on Sunday" (NFL football joke)

"Eagles don't take flight lessons from chickens"

"Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines"

Early Bird Special (Early Bird Dinner; Early Bird Supper)

"Early morning sex has been proven to be more effective than coffee"

"Early sunsets, warm tea, messy hair, big sweaters"

"Early to bed, early to rise, fish all day and make up lies"

"Early to bed, early to rise, work like hell and advertise"


Earmarxist (earmark + Marxist)

Earned Media (Free Media)

Earnings Before Irregularities and Tampering (EBIT backronym)

"Earth first! (we'll log the other planets later)"

"Earth provides enough for every man's need. but not every man's greed"

"Earth without art is just eh"


Earthmelon (earth + melon; jocular formation after "watermelon")

East 62nd Street Lemon Cake

"East end of a horse going west" (a horse's ass)

East Harlem International Film Festival

East Jesus (any remote town, but often associated with Texas)

"East Side Story" into "West Side Story" (1957)

East Sider or Eastsider

East Village

"Easter egg hunts are proof that kids can find things when they really want to"

"Easter egg hunts are proof that your children can find things when they really want to"

"Easter Egg Hunts: proof your child can find things when they really want to"

"Easter egg hunts prove that your child can find things when they want to"

Easter Eggstravaganza (eggs + extravaganza)

"Easter is the only time when it's perfectly safe to put all your eggs in one basket"

"Easter tweets should be called 'peeps'"

Eastern Media Elite

"Easy as pie"

Easy Lay (Hotel Elysée nickname)

"Easy like Sunday coffee"

"Easy money causes hard times"

Easy Pass (school program)

"Easy peasy lemon squeezy"

Easy Street

"Eat all the junk food you want, as long as you cook it yourself"

Eat and Greet

"Eat at Joe's" (Joe's Restaurant)

"Eat beans, not beings"

"Eat Beef -- The West Wasn't Won on Salad"

Eat Better Today or Eat Better Tonight (Electronic Benefit Transfer or EBT nickname)

"Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince, dinner like a pauper" (food adage)

"Eat clean, train dirty"

"Eat crow"

"Eat diamonds for breakfast and shine all day"

"Eat, drink, and be cozy"

"Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we diet"

"Eat, drink and be scary"

"Eat, drink and be thankful"

"Eat 'em and Beat 'em" (Exchange Buffet)

"Eat fish, live longer" (M. Slavin & Sons, Ltd.)

"Eat foods that spoil (just eat them before they do)"

"Eat for the body you want, not for the body you have"

"Eat fruit, not friends"

"Eat fruits, not friends"

"Eat glitter for breakfast and shine all day"

"Eat half. Walk double. Laugh triple. Love without measure"

"Eat here and get gas" ("food and gas")

"Eat here and get gas" ("food and gas")

"Eat here, diet home" (restaurant sign)

"Eat here. Fifty million flies can't be wrong" (restaurant sign)

"Eat here or we will both starve" (restaurant sign)

"Eat ice cream for daily happiness"

"Eat less from a box and more from the earth"

"Eat like no one is going to see you naked"

"Eat like no one is watching. Or dance. Whatever"

"Eat meat, not wheat"

"Eat my powder" (skiing saying)

"Eat my shorts!"

"Eat Now -- Pay Waiter" (restaurant sign)

"Eat Objectively. Live Rich" (Fountainhead Cafe)

"Eat on the run, forget about sleep, and change horses often"

"Eat pussy, not animals"

"Eat Right. Exercise. Die Anyway."

"Eat shit. A billion flies can't be wrong"

"Eat, shop, sleep"

"Eat, sleep and save animals. Repeat daily!"

"Eat. Sleep. Beach. Repeat"

"Eat. Sleep. Clinicals. Panic. Study. Panic. Care Plans. Repeat"

"Eat. Sleep. Go to clinicals. Freak out. Study for exams. Freak out. Slay. Repeat"

"Eat, sleep, save animals. Repeat"

"Eat. Sleep. Study. Panic. Repeat"

"Eat. Sleep. Study. Repeat"

"Eat the apple, fuck the Corps" (Marine Corps saying)

"Eat the bugs" ("Eat ze bugs")

"Eat the fucking bugs"

"Eat the rainbow" ("Taste the rainbow")

"Eat the rich"

"Eat them for lunch before they eat you for dinner"

"Eat to fuel your body, not to feed your emotions"

"Eat to fuel your body, not your emotions"

"Eat well, sleep well" ("Do you want to eat well or sleep well?")

"Eat well, travel often"

"Eat well, work hard, love truly, travel often"

"Eat well, work hard, travel often, stay humble"

"Eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside"

"Eat whatever you want, and if someone lectures you about your weight, eat them too"

"Eat your own dog food"

"Eat ze bugs" ("Eat the bugs")


"Eating a burger upside-down allows the thicker bun to the absorb the juices"

"Eating a cheeseburger is basically eating the cow, the cow's milk, and the cow's food"

"Eating at McDonald's is like cleaning a toilet with your mouth"

"Eating breakfast in front of the TV at the same time every day turns the meal into a serial"

"Eating breakfast in front of the TV at the same time every day turns the meal into a serial"

"Eating clocks is time consuming"

"Eating eggs benedict reminds me of the time I lived in the Netherlands. Those were my Holland days"

Eating-house Square

"Eating is a necessity, but cooking is an art"

"Eating is an agricultural act"

"Eating is crazy. You put food in a cavity where you smash it with 32 bones..."

"Eating is kinda like 'insert here to continue playing'"

"Eating McDonald's is like cleaning a toilet with your mouth"

"Eating more fresh vegetables makes you an expert pooper. It's right in the name: Pro deuce"

"Eating nonbinary pizza at little ze/zirs"

"Eating Out Is Fun!" (Texas Restaurant Association)

"Eating peanuts is just making peanut butter with your teeth"

"Eating spaghetti with a spoon"

"Eating too much cake is the deadly sin of gluttony. But not eating too much pie..."

"Eating too much spiritual junk food will give you chi zits"

"Eating well is a form of self-respect"

"Eating pizza rolls is just microdosing calzones"

"eBay is so useless. I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 13,749 matches"

Economedian (economist + comedian)

Economic Moat

"Economic Pearl Harbor" (Wall Street crisis phrase)

Economissed (economist/economy + missed; The Economist nickname)

"Economists are paid to worry"

Ecotard (ecology + retard)

Ecuadorian Parade and Festival

Ed-Exit (Department of Education + exit)

Ed-Exit (education + exit)

Edifice Complex

"Editorial writers enter the battlefield after the war and shoot the wounded"

"Editorials like skirts -- long enough to cover everything, short enough to be interesting"

"Editors choose their stories, but sometimes stories choose their editors"

Edjamacation (jocular spelling of "education")

"Edmonton is to Calgary as Austin is to Houston"

Educamation (jocular spelling of "education")

Educashun (eye dialect spelling of "education")

"Educated people are hotter because they have more degrees"

Education (Charter Schools; Vouchers)

"Education is a better safeguard of liberty than a standing army"

"Education is important, but big biceps are importanter"

"Education is important, but [X] is importanter"

"Education is no substitute for intelligence"

"Education is not the answer to the question. Education is the means to the answer to all questions"

"Education is the most powerful weapon we can use to change the world"

"Education is the path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty"

"Education is useless without the Bible"

"Education pays off in the long run" (marathoner joke)

"Education That Works" (Metropolitan College of New York)

"Education's purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one"

Educayshun (eye dialect spelling of “education")

Educrat (education + bureaucrat)

Edumacation (jocular spelling of "education")

Edward Martin metaphor (1909)

"Efficiency is a highly developed form of laziness"

"Efficiency is clever laziness"

"Efficiency of the Post Office, compassion of the IRS" (government-run healthcare)

Egg Cream

Egg Drop Soup (Egg Flower Soup)

Egg Foo Young (Egg Foo Yung; Egg Fu Young; Egg Fu Yung)

"Egg+Mayo=Egg Salad, Potato+Mayo=Potato Salad. Math proves mayo magically turns any food into salad"

"Egg nog implies the existence of chicken nog"

"'Egg nog' implies the existence of other, more secret types of nog"

"Egg nog implies the existence of sperm nog"

Egg Roll, Won Ton (Cantonese Cuisine)

Egg Rolls and Egg Creams Block Party

"Egg rolls are basically deep fried cole slaw"

Eggcellent (egg + excellent)

Eggnog (Egg Nog)

"Eggnog implies the existence of chickennog"

"Eggnog implies the existence of spermnog"

Eggnogstic (eggnog + agnostic)

Eggocado or Eggvocado (baked egg in avocado)

"Eggplant: where chickens work"

"Eggs are just boneless chicken"

"Eggs are technically boneless chicken"

"Eggs are the menstrual flow of hens" ("Eggs are chicken periods")

"Eggs are the original boneless chicken"

"Eggs are the real boneless chicken"

"Eggs are white because god knew black don’t crack"

Eggs Benedict

Eggs Hussarde

Eggs Hussarde

Eggs Sardou

Eggspresso (egg + espresso)

EGOT (Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, Tony awards)

Egotarian Cuisine

"Egotism, n: Doing the New York Times crossword puzzle with a pen"

"Egyptians claimed to have invented the guitar, but they were such lyres"

"Eh, it's good enough. -- Mediocrites, Greek philosopher"

"Ehh, good enough. -- Mediocrates"

"Ehh, good enough. -- Mediocretes"

"Eight S's of wine tasting: See, Swirl, Sniff, Sip, Slurp, Swish, Swallow (or Spit) and Savor"

"Eighter from Decatur, county seat of Wise" ("Ada from Decatur")

Eighth Wonder of the World (compound interest)

Eighth Wonder of the World (Houston Astrodome)

"Eisenhower Doll -- wind it up and it does nothing for eight years"

"Either Coke or Pepsi is fine. I'm bi-carbonate"

"Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing"

"Either you limit government or government limits you"

"El Bronx" (Bogotá, Colombia)

"El campeon de los hispanos" (El Diario La Prensa)

El Centavo (J. C. Penney nickname)

El Chuco or Chucotown (El Paso nickname)

El Pasoan (inhabitant of El Paso)

El Presidente (banana republic dictator)

"Elbow macaroni implies the existence of knee macaroni"

"Elect a clown, expect a circus"

Electile Dysfunction (ED)

Election Wagering ("peanut-and-toothpick" bet)

"Elections have consequences"

"Elections have consequences and stolen elections have serious consequences"

"Electric vehicle owners should ONLY be allowed to charge their cars using wind and solar power..."

"Elegance Without Attitude" (Michelangelo Hotel)

Elemelons (elements + melons; watermelon, firemelon, earthmelon, airmelon)

Elena Ruz Sandwich (Elena Ruiz Sandwich; Elena Ruth; Marie Elena; Cuban Turkey Sandwich)

Elephant Ears (pastry)

"Elephant in the room" ("Elephant in the living room")

"Elephants and asses are conning the masses"

"Elephants and asses are killing the masses"

"Elephants and asses are poisoning the masses"

"Elephants and asses are screwing the masses"

"Elephants don't gallop" (investment adage)

Elephant's Foot (450 W. 33rd Street, or 5 Manhattan West)

"Elephants Got Big Dirty Feet" (EGBDF music mnemonic)

Elevator Pitch (Elevator Speech; Elevator Statement)

Eleven O'Clock Number (11 O'Clock Number)

"Eleven o'clock on Sunday morning is the most segregated hour in America"

Eleven O'Clock Song (11 O'Clock Song)

Eleventh Commandment ("Mind your business")

Eleventh Commandment ("Thou shalt not get caught")

Eleventh Commandment ("Thou shalt not speak ill of another Republican")

Elginite (inhabitant of Elgin)

Elimination Diet (Exclusion Diet)

Elite Eight (eight remaining tournament players or teams)

Ellis Island of the West (Galveston nickname)

Elmhurst Earthworm (E or EE subway line)

Elmira: Queen City of the Southern Tier (nickname)

"Elvis' Guitar Broke Down Friday" (EGBDF music mnemonic)

"Embrace the suck"

"Memes are today's version of the Sunday comics"

Emerald City (Eugene nickname)


Empire City, Empire State

Empire Zone

"Employee of the Month is a good example of how a person can be a winner & loser at the same time"

"Employees don't leave their company, they leave their boss" (People leave managers, not companies)

"Employees must stop crying before returning to work. And wash your hands" (bathroom sign)

"Employers are most happy on Mondays. Employees are most happy on Fridays"

Employment Prevention Agency (Environmental Protection Agency or EPA nickname)

Empowerment Zone

Empty Calories

"Empty cans make the most noise"

"Empty Garbage Before Dad Flips" (EGBDF music mnemonic)

"Empty police cars are scarecrows for people"

Empty State Building (Empire State Building's 1930s nickname)

EMS ("Every Minute Sucks")

Enchanted Media


Enchilada Red (color of San Antonio Public Library, Central branch)

Enchilada Soup (Chicken Enchilada Soup)

"Enchiladas are just Mexican manicotti"

End-of-the-World Trade

"End the war before it ends you"

Endicott, Binghamton, Johnson City: Triple Cities

Endicott: Magic City (nickname)

Enemedia (enemy + media)

Enemies List

Energy Capital of the World (Houston nickname)

"Energy equals milk chocolate squared"

"Energy = Milk x Coffee (squared)"

Enforcement Theater


Enganchadoras (female "grabbers" or people smugglers)

"English and Maths were my 3 bestest subjects in school"

"English major. You do the math"

English Muffin

English Terrace Row or Renwick Row (West 10th Street, Manhattan)

"Enjoy every sandwich" (Warren Zevon)

"Enjoy life -- it's delicious!"

"Enjoy life sip by sip, not gulp by gulp"

"Enjoy the party, but dance near the door" (financial adage)

"Enjoy your holiday provided to you by armed Americans"

"Enlighten the people and tyranny and oppressions will vanish like phantoms at dawh"


Eno's Folly (Fifth Avenue Hotel nickname)

"Enough about me. What do YOU think about me?" (actor joke)

Enron Field Curse (stadium name curse)

Ensalada de Noche Buena (Christmas Eve Salad)

Enslavement Day (Tax Day nickname)

"Censorship is the tool used when the lie loses its power"

"Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house"

Enthusiasm Gap


"Entrail Mix: for cannibals who love the outdoor lifestyle"

"Entre más peligroso es el barrio, más rico saben los tacos"

"Entrepreneurs are willing to work 80 hours a week to avoid working 40 hours a week"

"Entrepreneurs work only half-days -- 12 hours"

"Entrepreneurship is living a few years of your life like most people won't"

"Entrepreneurship is the use of self-interest in the service of others..."

"Entrepreneurship is working 80 hours a week to avoid working 40 hours for someone else"

"If you're going to quit anything, quit making excuses and quit waiting for the right time"

Entry in progress -- BP

Entry in progress -- BP1

Entry in progress -- BP3

Enviromarxist (environment + Marxist); Enviromarxism

Environazi (environment + Nazi)

Environmental Persecution Agency (Environmental Protection Agency or EPA nickname)

Environmental Poisoning Agency (Environmental Protection Agency or EPA nickname)

Environmental Pollution Agency (Environmental Protection Agency or EPA nickname)

Environmental Propaganda Agency (Environmental Protection Agency or EPA nickname)

Envirotard (environment + retard)

Enviroweenie (environment + weenie)

Envueltos (tortilla "envelopes")

"Envy plus rhetoric equals 'social justice'" ("Envy + Rhetoric = Social Justice")

Epocalypse (economic apocalypse)

"Erasers slowly sacrifice their lives for our mistakes"

Erb City (New Orleans nickname)

"Erotica is what I like. Porn is what you like"

Err America (Air America nickname)

Err Canada (Air Canada nickname)

"Error 404: Democracy not found"

"Error 404: Freedom not found"

"Escalators don't break down. They just turn into stairs"

"Solar energy is just nuclear energy from a safe distance"

"Espresso martinis are just bougie Four Lokos"

"Espresso martinis are just Four Lokos for adults"

"Espresso martinis are just Four Lokos that went to grad school"

"Espresso martinis are millennial women’s Four Loko"

"Espresso martinis are the Four Lokos of the bourgeoisie"

"Espresso yourself" (espresso + express yourself)

"Test your airbag here" (sign on rear of a vehicle)

Stexit (Staten Island + exit)

Summer Slide (summer learning regression)

"Et tu, croute?" (Caesar salad joke)

"Eternally grapefruit" (joke on "eternally grateful")

"Eternity is a ham and two people/Eternity is two people and a ham" (Irma Rombauer/Dorothy Parker?)

Etouffee (Crawfish Étouffée)

Etouffee (Crawfish Étouffée)

Eurhopium (Euro/Europe + hopium)

Euro Quake or Euroquake (Euro/Europe + earthquake)

Eurocrat (Euro/European + bureaucrat)


Europocalypse (Euro/Europe + apocalypse)

EuroStash (developing a basketball player in European leagues)


Eustace Tilley (The New Yorker)

EV (East Village)

Evacuation Day (November 25th)

"Even BINGO got canceled! This has never happened B4"

"Even BINGO got cancelled. This has never happened B4"

"Even duct tape can't fix stupid"

"Even duct tape can’t fix stupid, but it can muffle the sound"

"Even Heaven has a wall, a gate, and extreme vetting to get in"

"Even if you are one in a million, there are eight more of you in New York"

"Even if you’re fully vaccinated, the CDC still recommends using your turn signals while driving"

"Even if you’re not conspiracy minded, something in your soul has to be telling you something..."

"Even in the warmest of hearts, there's a cold spot for the Jews"

"Even Napoleon had his Watergate" (Yogi Berra?)

"Even Popeye didn't eat his spinach until he absolutely had to"

"Even the heaviest chandelier is pretty light"

"Even the leaves fall for you"

"Even turkeys fly in a strong wind" (Wall Street adage)

"Even when you make out a tax return on the level you don't know if you are a crook or a martyr"

"Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening' -- and then proceed to tell you why it isn't"

"Evenings are for coffee and contemplation"

"Ever had a really long week and then realize it's just Tuesday?"

"Ever had a really long week and then realize it's only Tuesday?"

"Ever had a really long week and then realize it's Tuesday?"

"Ever notice how some people talk louder when they drink? That's why alcohol is listed by volume"

"Ever notice that the first 10 seconds of a medical drug commercial is spent..."

"Ever since I started a routine of jogging at midnight I have been running late"

"Ever wonder how one little dog controls so many larger and stronger sheep? Fear"

"Every adult needs a child to teach -- it's the way adults learn"

"Every bartender I've ever met is better at de-escalating conflict than the police"

"Every box of raisins is a tragic tale of grapes that could have been wine"

"Every bull market has a copper top"

"Every calendar's days are numbered"

"Every camera is hot and every mic is live" (broadcasting adage)

"Every city, every town, burn the precinct to the ground" (anti-police protest chant)

"Every city, every town, burn the precincts to the ground" (anti-police protest chant)

"Every Cookie Needs a Belly" (Cookie Island)

"Every corpse on Mt. Everest was once an extremely motivated person"

"Every corpse on Mt. Everest was once a highly motivated person"

"Every country has an army, but in Pakistan/Prussia/U.S., the army has a country"

"Every day and twice on Sunday" ("Six times a week and twice on Sunday")

"Every day is a school day" (education adage)

"Every day is leg day at the gym if you're a spider"

"Every day is one step closer to summer"

"Every day is 'Take Your Child to Work Day' when you are pregnant"

"Every day may not be good, but there is something good in every day"

"Every day should start with coffee and end with ice cream"

"Every day thousands of innocent plants are killed by vegetarians. Help end the violence. Eat bacon"

"Every disaster movie starts with someone ignoring a scientist"

"Every disaster movie starts with the government ignoring a scientist"

"Every disaster movie starts with the president ignoring a scientist"

"Every drug recalled by the FDA was first deemed 'safe and effective by the FDA"

"Every drug recalled by the FDA was once approved by the FDA"

"Every drug that has been recalled by the FDA was first proven to be 'safe and effective'"

"Every election is a sort of advance auction sale of stolen goods"

"Every empty bottle is filled with a great story"

"Every fight is a food fight if you're a cannibal"

"Every flower that bloomed had to go through a lot of dirt to get there"

"Every Girl Bakes Delicious Fudge" (EGBDF music mnemonic)

"Every Girl Bakes Delicious Fudge" (EGBDF music mnemonic)

"Every Good Boy Deserve Favor/Favour" (EGBDF music mnemonic)

"Every Good Boy Deserves Fudge" (EGBDF music mnemonic)

"Every Good Boy Deserves Fudge" (EGBDF music mnemonic)

"Every Good Boy Does Fine" (EGBDF music mnemonic)

"Every Good Burger Deserves Fries" (EGBDF music mnemonic)

"Every Good Burger Deserves Fries" (EGBDF music mnemonic)

"Every government does as much harm as it can, and as much good as it must"

"Every great atrocity is the result of people just following orders"

"Every great dream begins with a dreamer"

"Every great injustice has been at the hands of someone just following orders"

"Every great oak was once a little nut that held its ground"

"Every job is a self-portrait of the person who did it. Autograph your work with excellence."

"Every kiss begins with queso"

"Every knock is a boost"

Every Landing Always Late (El Al backronymic nickname)

"Every law passed is another freedom lost"

"Every loaf of bread is a tragic story of grains that could have become beer, but didn't"

"Every machine is a smoke machine if you operate it wrong enough"

"Every man is innocent until proven broke"

"Every master was once a disaster"

"Every McDonald's should have a flag they fly at half mast when the ice cream machine is broken"

"Every meal is a happy meal if you leave your kids at home"

"Every morning I have a low-carb, gluten free, vegan breakfast. Coffee. It’s coffee"

"Every nation is about nine meals away from a revolution"

"Every night is election night on the sports desk"

"Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and meme..."

"Every now and then I fall apart" (taco meme)

"Every office should have an emergency puppy for petting just in case you're having a bad day"

"Every parking needs a parqueen"

"Every passion has its destiny"

"Every pizza is a personal pizza if you try hard and believe in yourself"

"A politician ought to be born a foundling and remain a bachelor"

"Every reporter is a hope; every editor is a disappointment"

"Every restaurant be packed on Mother's Day. But they want US to bbq on Father's Day"

"Every restaurant is packed on Mother’s Day. But they want us to barbecue on Father’s Day"

"Every room is an escape room for a toddler"

"Every room is an escape room if you're drunk enough"

"Every room is an escape room if you're dumb enough"

"Every room is an escape room when you have anxiety"

"Every room is an escape room when you're an introvert"

"Every sale has five basic obstacles: no need, no money, no hurry, no desire, no trust"

"Every second is one second closer to your next ice cream"

"Every senator looks in the mirror and sees a president"

"Every shot pleases someone" (golf adage)

"Every state is my enemy, but no people are my enemy"

"Every strike brings me closer to the next home run"

"Every success is built on the ability to do better than good enough"

"Every summer has a story"

"Every summer has its own story (but mine is a novel)"

"Every sunken ship has a chart room"

"Every teacher before they draw on the board: 'I'm not an artist'"

"Every thinking person will vote for you."/"But I need a majority!"

"Every time a bird poops on my car, I eat a plate of scrambled eggs on my front porch" (joke)

"Every time a hand reaches out to help another...that is Christmas"

"Every time a Taco Bell rings, an angel gets diarrhea"

"Every time history repeats itself, the price goes up"

"Every time I cough I hear words like knight bishop pawn & queen. Dr. said I had a chess infection"

"Every time I drive in the rain, I check other drivers' wipers..."

"Every time I eat a salad I'm like, my life better change after this"

"Every time I eat Chinese I feel like I weigh won ton"

"Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise' I wash my mouth out with chocolate"

"Every time I jog, I meet new people. Of course, they're usually paramedics"

"Every time I lose some weight, I find it again in the refrigerator"

"Every time I take up exercising I meet new people. They're usually paramedics, but new people"

"Every time I use self-checkout, the person in front of me has never used self-checkout..."

"Every time someone goes into a deli and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies"

"Every time Taco Bell rings, an angel gets the runs"

"Every time the government shifts left, the decimal point in the national debt moves to the right"

"Every time the Taco Bell rings, an angel gets diarrhea"

"Every time you are able to find some humor in a difficult situation, you win"

"Every time you have McDonald's as a kid, it's a victory"

"Every time you make a typo, the errorists win"

"Every time you say 'vinegar,' you say the n-word"

"Every triangle is a love triangle when you love triangles"

"Every twenty minute job is one broken bolt away from becoming a three day ordeal"

"Every workplace should have an emergency puppy for petting just in case you're having a bad day"

"Every year for Christmas I ask Satan to cure me of my dyslexia"

"Every year, hundreds of kids are shipped off to mime school, never to be heard from again"

"Every year on NYE I think 'no way they can turn this number into glasses' & every year I am wrong"

"Every year Santa delivers presents to kids based on what their parents' income is"

"Every year you make a resolution to change yourself. This year, make a resolution to be yourself"

"Everybody bites on the Big Apple" lyric in the Cat Stevens song "New York Times" (1978)

"Everybody bites on the Big Apple" lyric in the Cat Stevens song "New York Times" (1978)

"Everybody has two businesses -- his own business and show business"

"Everybody hates math until that paycheck looks a little funny"

"Everybody hates math until that paycheck looks funny now y'all know Calculus"

"Everybody hates white people, but everybody wants to live in their neighborhood"

"Everybody invited and nobody slighted!"

"Everybody makes mistakes -- that's why they put erasers on pencils"

"Everybody ought to have a Lower East Side in their life"

"Everybody says stealing is wrong. Personally, I don't buy it"

"Everybody wants to be a diamond, but very few are willing to get cut"

"Everybody wants to be a patriot until it's time to do patriot shit"

"Everybody wants to change the world, but nobody wants to change the toilet paper roll"

"Everybody wants to eat at the government's table, but nobody wants to do the dishes"

"Everybody wants to get into the act"

"Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die"

"Everybody wants to shine, but no one wants to polish"

"Everyone brings joy to this office. Some when they enter, others when they leave"

"Everyone has a hidden talent they don't know about until the tequila is poured"

"Everyone has a plan until they've been hit" (boxing adage)

"Everyone has a right to be stupid. Some just abuse the privilege"

"Everyone has a tequila story"

"Everyone hates millennials until it’s time to convert a PDF into a Word document"

"Everyone hates millennials until they need help on the computer"

"Everyone here brings happiness—some by coming in, others by leaving"

"Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, but not his own facts"

"Everyone is Irish on St. Patrick's Day"

"Everyone knows about the Secret Service"

"Everyone looks good in shorts" (football adage)

"Everyone reads the false report and no one reads the correction"

"Everyone says I talk too much and should get help, so I started attending On & On Anon meetings"

"Everyone says they're a patriot until it's time to do patriot shit"

"Everyone should believe in something -- I believe I'll have another drink"

"Everyone talks about being a patriot until it's time to do patriot shit"

"Everyone thinks politicians are corrupt, except the ones they vote for"

"Everyone thinks they are an expert in education because they went to school"

"Everyone wants happiness. No one wants pain. But you can't have a rainbow without a little rain"

"Everyone wants to be a patriot until it's time to do patriot shit"

"Everyone wants to be a patriot until it's time to do patriot stuff"

"Everyone wants to be a patriot until it's time to do patriot things"

"Everyone wants to be black until the cops show up"

"Everyone who drinks coffee in the morning is psychotic..."

"Everyone who hates speeding tickets, raise your right foot"

Gorilla (grilled cheese sandwich)

"Everyone who's for abortion has already been born"

"Everything bagel seasoning is the stripper glitter of the culinary world"

"Everything bagels are just glitter bombs for your kitchen"

"Everything bagels are the glitter of the bagel world"

"Everything bagels are the glitter of the breakfast world"

"Everything bagels are the glitter of the food world"

"Everything becomes a lesson when you're open to learn"

"Everything but the kitchen sink" (Jahn's "Kitchen Sink" dessert)

"Everything but the kitchen stove"

"Everything but the oink"

"Everything but the squeal"

"Everything comes to him who hustles while he waits"

"Everything for summer is canceled. May as well just put up the Christmas tree and call it a year"

"Everything 'free' is paid for by someone who works"

"Everything happens for a Riesling"

"Everything I cook turns to shit"

"Everything I don't like must be banned. Everything I do like is a human right..."

"Everything I don't like must be banned. Everything I like is a human right and must be paid for..."

"Everything I like is either illegal, expensive or doesn't text me back"

"Everything I like is either illegal, expensive or 'just a friend'"

"Everything I like is either illegal, expensive or won't text me back"

"Everything I really need to know about Islam, I learned on September 11th, 2001"

"Everything in moderation. Except bacon"

"Everything in moderation. Except coffee"

"Everything is cancelled. You know what's not cancelled? Laundry. Laundry is never cancelled"

"Everything is closing so I'm opening a strip club/breakfast diner/daycare: Tits, Grits & Babysits"

"Everything on a Bagel" (Ess-a-Bagel)

"Everything that can be invented has been invented"

"Everything that has made you an outsider in the dying culture has prepared you..."

"Everything we eat is processed sunshine"

"Everything woke turns to shit"

"Everything you see, I owe to spaghetti" (Italian actress Sophia Loren)

"Everything's bigger in Texas"

"Everything's chicken but the gravy"

"Everything's funnier when you're not allowed to laugh"

"Everywhere You Go" (Duane Reade)

"'Evian' spelled backwards is 'naive'"

"Evil does not exist within a gun"

EVil (East Village)

"Evil is powerless if the good are unafraid"

Evil Union (European Union or EU nickname)

Evilarchy (evil + oligarchy)

EVOO (Extra Virgin Olive Oil)

"Ev'ry Street's a Boulevard in Old New York" (1953)

"Ew, 2020"

"When your girlfriend comes home in a white suit, smelling of honey...she's a keeper"

Ewing Theory

"Ex-presidents are like Chinese vases -- beautiful, valuable, and near-useless"

"Exactly how long is a cotton picking minute?"


"Exceptions prove the rule -- and wreck the budget"

"Excrement living on increment"

"Excuse me, how do I get to a hospital quickly?"/"Just stand in the middle of the road for a while."

"Excuses are like armpits. Everyone has them, and they all stink"

"Excuses are the nails used to build the house of failure"

"Excuses are the rocks where our dreams are crushed"

"Excuses don't burn calories"

"Excuses don't construct monuments. Action does"

"Excuses don't save animals"

"Execute justice, not people"

"Exercise because you love your body, not because you hate it"

"Exercise bikes get you nowhere"

"Exercise can add years to your life" (joke)

"Exercise changes the outside. Running changes the inside"

"Exercise...eggs are sides...for bacon"

"Exercise...eggs are sides...for bacon"

"Exercise gives you energy, but you need energy to exercise. Sounds like a pyramid scheme to me"

"Exercise? I thought you said extra fries"

"Exercise? I thought you said extra fries"

"Exercise? I thought you said extra rice"

"Exercise? I thought you said extra rice"

"Exercise? I thought you said extra slice"

"Exercise? I thought you said extra slice"

"Exercise is a dirty word. Every time I hear it, I wash my mouth out with chocolate"

"Exercise is bunk -- if you are healthy, you don't need it"

"Exercise is just self-harm, but with benefits"

"Exercise is more difficult the more you need it"

"Exercise makes you look better naked. So does tequila. Your choice"

"Exercise makes you look better naked. So does alcohol. Your choice"

"Exercise should be regarded as tribute to the heart"

"Exercising for just 10 minutes a day raises your risk of posting inspirational quotes by 60%"

"Exercising for just 10 minutes a day raises your risk of posting inspirational quotes by 70%"

"Exercising would be much more bearable with a progress bar"

Exhaustipated (exhausted + constipated)

"Exit signs are on the way out"

"Exit, stage left"

Ex-Lax Fish (escolar nickname)

"Expectations are premeditated resentments"

"Expecting truth from corporate media is like expecting love from a prostitute"

Expendables (children in drug smuggling operations)

"Experience gives us the tests first and the lessons later"

"Experience is a comb that life gives you after you lose your hair"

"Experience is the best teacher, but the tuition is high"

"Experience is what enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again"

"Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted"

"Explain it to me like I wear a mask alone in my car"

"Explain this to me like I wear a mask alone in my car"

Explosion Coast

Explosionism (art of explosions)

Express/Local Trains - what to do with minutes saved?


"Extra! Extra! Read all about it!" (newsboy shout)

"Extra virgin olive oil implies the existence of extra Chad olive oil"

"Extra virgin olive oil implies the existence of extra slutty olive oil"

Extremely Pathetic Agency (Environmental Protection Agency or EPA nickname)

"Eyes hurt from excess screen time? There's a nap for that"

"Eyes of Texas" Salad

"Eyes of Texas" (University of Texas alma mater)

"Eyes on the road and your head out of your apps" (transportation message)

"Eyes on the street" (Jane Jacobs, 1961)

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