A plaque remaining from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem.

Above, a 1934 plaque from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem. Discarded as trash in 2006.

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Entry from October 12, 2017
“The NYPD toilets were stolen. Police have nothing to go on”

A police joke is sometimes localized to New York City:

“"The NYPD toilets were stolen. Police have nothing to go on.”

“Crooks stole all the toilets at a Philadelphia police station. Police are baffled and have nothing to go on” was cited in print in 1981, when it was credited to The Unknown Comic (Murray Langston).

The joke has been printed on many images.


20 December 1981, Trenton (NJ) Times, Frank Tyger column, pg. F3, col. 6: 
“Crooks stole all the toilets at a Philadelphia police station,” reports the Unknown Comic. “Police are baffled and have nothing to go on.”

Google Groups: net.jokes
Crime ofthe Century - (nf)
warf...@uiuccsb.uucp
2/10/84
#N:uiuccsb:8700075:000:171
uiuccsb!warfield Feb 10 00:37:00 1984
BULLETIN!!!!!

The perfect crime has just been committed at Scotland Yard.  A thief has stolen all of the toilet seats.  Police report that they have nothing to go on.

4 November 1989, St. Petersburg (FL) Times, “This convention’s a joking matter” by Bill Adair, pg. 1B:
“Vandals stole all the toilet seats in the local police station. Police have nothing to go on.”

Google Groups: rec.humor
Jokes from a Frog.
Erik Lode
3/14/91
writes:
> What do you get if you bash a policemans head into 4 pieces?
> Headquarters.!

In what appears to be a perfect crime, vandals broke into the police station and stole all the toilets, leaving no fingerprints or other noticeable clues.  The police have nothing to go on.

Google Books
Modems for Dummies
By Tina Rathbone
Foster City, CA: IDG Books Worldwide
1996
Pg. 266:
Police station toilet stolen. Cops have nothing to go on…

Google Groups: rec.humor
T-SHIRT STATEMENTS
Nancy M. Carson
9/16/00
(...)
“POLICE STATION TOILET STOLEN…
Cops have nothing to go on.”

Google Books
All Kinds of Humor:
Jokes, Quips, and Fun Stuff for Many Occasions

By Frank Verano
Xlibris Corporation (Xlibris.com)
2012
Pg. 348:
A thief broke into the local police station and stole all the toilets and urinals, leaving no clues. A spokesperson was quoted as saying, “We have absolutely nothing to go on.”

Twitter
99% POWER SERGE‏
@zoltar244
All the toilets in New York’s police stations have been stolen. Police have nothing to go on!  #NYPD #OWS
1:08 PM - 23 Apr 2012

Reddit—Jokes
The toilet at my local Police Station has been stolen.
submitted March 22, 2013 by iambutternumber[🍰]
Cops have nothing to go on

Twitter
Bad Joke Cat‏
@BadJokeCat
Police station toilet stolen. Cops have nothing to go on.
3:16 PM - 21 May 2013

YouTube
Jokes - The toilet at my local police station has been stolen. The cops have nothing to go on.
jokesus
Published on Oct 2, 2015
Joke :
The toilet at my local police station has been stolen. The cops have nothing to go on.

Reddit—Oneliners
My toilet was stolen and the police have nothing to go on.
submitted October 12, 2017 by wonliners
COMMENTS
simonwearshats
There’s just just a hole in the ground left, but the cops are looking into it!

Posted by Barry Popik
New York CityGovernment/Law/Politics/Military • Thursday, October 12, 2017 • Permalink