A plaque remaining from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem.

Above, a 1934 plaque from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem. Discarded as trash in 2006. Now a Popeye's fast food restaurant on Google Maps.

Recent entries:
“Texans measure distance in hours, not miles” (9/21)
“Corporations are not people. Money is not free speech” (9/21)
“The system isn’t broken. It’s fixed” (9/21)
“If bread goes bad, we throw it away, If bananas go bad, we make bread out of them” (9/21)
“Money is not free speech. Corporations are not people” (9/21)
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Entry from May 15, 2020
1000+ Coronavirus (COVID-19) pandemic quotes, jokes, riddles, puns, pickup lines, memes, etc., Pt. 3

The 2019–20 coronavirus (COVID-19) outbreak was eventually declared to be a worldwide pandemic. Here are some associated quotes, jokes, riddles, puns, pickup lines, memes, portmanteaus, acronyms, anagrams and terms (letters O-S). See also Part 1 (quotations, A-G), Part 2 (quotations, H-N), Part 4 (quotations, T-Z) and Part 5 (terms). Please share your results with others because this website is censored by Google.

“Of all the things I learned in grade school, how to avoid cooties was the last I expected to use”
“Ok, so if the Corona virus isn’t about beer, why do I keep hearing about cases of it?”
“On the first day of Covid my true love coughed on me”
“One day in 2033, we shall witness the rise of THE QUARANTEENS”
“Our cleaning lady just called and told us she will be working from home”
“Outside is expensive. Lock us back up!” (after quarantine)
“Overslept this morning, was late getting to the living room”
“Pandemic jokes are only funny if everyone gets it”
“Pandemic jokes are the funniest because everyone gets it”
“Panic buying ice cream & tinned fruit? Are you planning to self isolate for a month of sundaes?”
“Paranoia has reached absurd stages. I sneezed on my laptop and the anti-virus started a scan”
“People getting off house arrest now must really be pissed off” (2019–20 coronavirus pandemic)
“People have become so brainwashed that they think health comes from masks and needles”
“People must not cough near you, they must cough far away…” ("far cough")
“People say your senior year flies. I just didn’t realize it would Zoom” (Class of 2020 joke)
“People used to cough to cover up a fart. Now they fart to cover up a cough!” (virus joke)
“People who are enjoying lockdown have ‘stuck home’ syndrome”
“People who are quarantining in jeans: what are you trying to prove”
“People who used to be late and blamed it on traffic are still late to their zoom meetings”
“Pornhub now has a category for Coronavirus videos. It’s for sick fucks”
“Practice safe six” (six feet apart social distancing)
“Pretty weird how we are all living in a time where not going to the gym is considered healthy”
“Pretty wild how we used to eat cake after someone had just blown air from their mouth onto it”
“Put a different drink in every room of the house and pretend you’re on a pub crawl”
“Putting on a mask to walk ten feet through a restaurant…”
“Quarantine Day 20: Today, I melted an ice cube with my mind by just staring at it”
“Quarantine has made me a bigger, better person… Well, bigger anyway”
“Quarantine has really showed me you don’t need fun to have alcohol”
“Quarantine has turned us into dogs. We roam the house all day looking for food…”
“Quarantine is a safe word for martial law”
“Quarantine is when you lock down the sick. Tyranny is when you lock down the healthy”
“Quarantine is when you restrict the movement of a sick person. Tyranny…of a healthy person”
“Quarantine is when you restrict the movement of sick people. Tyranny…of healthy people”
“Ran out of toilet paper and now using lettuce leaves. Today was just the tip of the iceberg”
“Rapunzel was quarantined and met her future husband so let’s think positively here”
“Remember DO NOT grab another person’s facemask. It’s a 15-yard penalty and an automatic 1st down”
“Remember when you would get kicked out of a nightclub for experimenting with untested drugs?”
“Remember wishing the weekend would last forever? Happy now?” (quarantine joke)
“Right now in America, it is easier to get an AR-15 than toilet paper”
“Romance novels written during COVIDー19: ‘As she slowly slipped her mask down…‘“
“Roses are red. Contagion is plenty. I’m drinking for breakfast, Because fuck 2020”
“Save the date!! The end of quarantine was just announced: Octemburary 54th”
“Security without liberty is called prison”
“Security without liberty is prison”
“Shaking hands is the new first base”
“Sick until proven healthy is no less tyrannical than guilty until proven innocent”
“Sign at bowling alley: ‘Due to Coronavirus, please refrain from touching other people’s balls‘“
“Since all the public libraries are closed, I’m checking you out instead” (pickup line)
“Since everyone’s now washing their hands, we’ll be working on shapes & colors next week”
“Since we’re all in quarantine, I guess we’ll be making only inside jokes from now on”
“Single man with Purell and Lysol seeking single woman with toilet paper for good clean fun”
“Single man with toilet paper seeks woman with hand sanitizer for good clean fun”
“Six allowed at Christmas but 30 for a funeral. I will be holding a funeral for my pet turkey”
“Six allowed at Thanksgiving but 30 for a funeral. I will be holding a funeral for my pet turkey”
“Small weekend is over.. now entering big weekend”
“Sneezing with a mask on feels like shitting your pants with your face”
“So in order to enter stores now, do I bring a face mask, a brick, or both? 2020 is confusing”
“So many coronavirus jokes are going viral, it’s a real pundemic!” (pun + pandemic)
“So when quarantine is over, will the producers of ‘My 600 Pound Life’ just find me?”
“So you’re staying inside, practicing social distancing and cleaning yourself? Congratulations…”
“So you’ve been eating hotdogs and McChickens all your life, but don’t want the vaccine because…”
“‘Social distancing’ is an anagram for ‘dissociating clan‘“
“Social distancing is boring. ‘Exiled for the good of the realm’ sounds much more interesting”
“Social distancing is like a restraining order for everyone against everyone”
“Social distancing protocols are nothing to be sneezed at”
“Social media is the virus”
“Some cool photos of all the places I visited in 2020” (quarantine joke)
“Some people write ‘lockdown’ because they can’t spell Kwarinteen”
“Sometimes I wonder if all of this is happening because I didn’t forward that message”
“Somewhere, someone is showering with a mask on. I just know it”
“Standing less than 6 feet apart is the new first base”
“Stay home if u sicc. Come over if u thicc”
“Stay home if you sicc. Come over if you thicc”
“Stay home if you’re sicc. Come over if you’re thicc”
“Stay inside, isolate or practice social distancing, clean yourself. Omg, I’ve become a housecat”
“Stepped on my scale this morning and it said: ‘Please use social distancing, one person at a time‘“
“Stop eating out, cook at home and you’ll lose weight. Quarantine determined that was a lie!”
“Stop locking down businesses and start locking up politicians”
“Suddenly, staying at home in underwear doing nothing is the most proactive thing you can do”

Posted by Barry Popik
New York CityGovernment/Law/Military/Religion /Health • Friday, May 15, 2020 • Permalink