A plaque remaining from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem.

Above, a 1934 plaque from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem. Discarded as trash in 2006. Now a Popeye's fast food restaurant on Google Maps.

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Entry from September 29, 2020
800+ Coronavirus (COVID-19) pandemic quotes, jokes, riddles, puns, pickup lines, memes, etc., Pt. 2

The 2019–20 coronavirus (COVID-19) outbreak was eventually declared to be a worldwide pandemic. Here are some associated quotes, jokes, riddles, puns, pickup lines, memes, portmanteaus, acronyms, anagrams and terms. See also Part 1 (quotations), Part 3 (quotations) and Part 4 (terms). Please share your results with others because this website is censored by Google.


“In 20 years, this country will be run by people home schooled by day drinkers”
“In my day, the only time we started panic buying was when the barman shouted ‘last call‘“
“In Pagan cultures, during a plague, the ruler could be sacrificed to the gods”
“In Pagan times, during a plague, the ruler could be sacrificed to the gods”
“In Scandinavia, they call it the Kronavirus”
“Insisting on rights without acknowledging responsibilities isn’t freedom, it’s adolescence”
“Is everyone enjoying their free 30 day trial of communism?”
“Is it OK that I start drinking as soon as the kids go to school? Or am I just a bad teacher?”
“Is that hand sanitizer in your pocket or are you just happy to be within 6 feet of me?”
“Is there a tax I can pay to stop Covid-19, or does that logic only apply to global warming?”
“Is there a tax I can pay to stop Covid-19, or does that only work for climate change?”
“It could be worse, you could be quarantined with me”
“It happened! I finally got laid…… Off”
“It should be illegal for you to choose whether you leave your house because you could harm me…”
“It started with a bat, went quickly to toilet paper… We’ve all gone bat, shit, crazy”
“It takes a village to raise a child…and a distillery to home school one”
“It takes a village to raise a child…and a vineyard to home school one”
“It’s a great time to walk in a cemetery. It’s guaranteed that everybody is at least 6 feet away”
“It’s a little early for a cocktail. When did you start drinking?"/"March.”
“It’s just as easy to buy a scientist as it is to buy a politician”
“It’s just as easy to buy scientists as it is to buy politicians”
“It’s like I’m 16 again. $5 is gas money & we all grounded” (quarantine joke)
“It’s no longer 5 o’clock somewhere. It’s 2020 everywhere, so drink whenever you want”
“It’s only Quarantine if it’s in the Quarante region of France” (joke)
“Just seen a burglar kicking is own door in. He was working from home”
“Just to be clear, none of this matters if there is a virus” (said at Constitutional Convention)
“Just to be clear, we have all agreed that liquor stores are ‘essential’ and schools are not”
“Just tried to buy toilet paper, but the grocery store’s supply was wiped out”
“Keep in mind even during a pandemic, no matter how much chocolate you eat, earrings will still fit”
“Keep your nose in your mask and out my business bitch”
“Keep your nose in your mask and out of my business”
“Kinda starting to understand why pets try to run out of the house when the front door opens”
“Leaving the house in 2020: keys, phone, card, vape, face mask, hand sanitiser…”
“Legalize recreational dining”
“Let’s not tell some people when quarantine is over”
“Let’s not tell some people when the quarantine is over”
“Liberal media is the virus”
“Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end, the faster it goes”
“Life is like toilet paper. You’re either on a roll or taking crap from some asshole”
“Life is like toilet paper. You’re either on a roll or taking shit from some asshole”
“Mainstream media is the virus”
“Make sure you test positive for faith. Keep a safe distance from doubt. And isolate from unbelief”
“Make sure you test positive for faith. Keep distance from doubt, and isolate from fear”
“Make sure you test positive for faith. Stay 6ft away from doubt, and isolate from unbelief”
“Many parents are about to discover that the teacher was not the problem” (homeschool)
“Marijuana is legal. Haircuts are not. It took fifty years, but the hippies have finally won”
“Married men told their wives, ‘I’ll do that when I have the time‘“ (quarantine joke)
“Mask it or casket” (face mask slogan)
“Masks are the new bra…”
“Maybe she’s born with it. Maybe it’s quarantine”
“Maybe she’s losing it. Maybe it’s quarantine”
“Maybe they should call it the Squirrel Flu because everyone is nuts and hoarding everything”
“Me looking outside to see what chapter of Revelation we’re doing today”
“Me: This show is boring. Boss: Again, this is a Zoom conference.”
“Media is the real virus”
“Might sleep on the couch to cut down on my morning commute”
“Motorcyclists wearing face masks but no helmet is the ultimate irony”
“MSM is the virus”
“My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it cleans the toilet”
“My car is getting 3 weeks to a gallon” (quarantine joke)
“My COVID-19 is the most weight I’ve gained since my Freshman 15”
“My dad’s sisters can’t get Covid. They have antibodies”
“My mailbox is under quarantine. Not accepting bills at this time”
“My mask broke at the store. I felt like Janet Jackson at the Super Bowl”
“My mask broke in the store and it felt like my titty popped out”
“My mask protects you. Your mask protects me”
“My mom always told me I wouldn’t accomplish anything by lying in bed all day…” (joke)
“My mom’s sister doesn’t get Corona. She has an auntie body”
“My rights don’t end where your fear begins”
“My thoughts and prayers go out to anyone trying on summer clothes”
“My vaccine dad joke failed. But it was worth a shot”
“Nail Salons-Closed. Hair Salons-Closed. Lash Salons-Closed. It’s about to get real ugly out here”
“Never in my whole life would I imagine my hands would consume more alcohol than my mouth”
“New walk of shame: Walking back to your car because you forgot your mask”
“No one in Antarctica has COVID-19. It’s because they are ice-o-lated”
“No Shirt, No Shoes, No Mask, No Service” (business sign)
“No Shoes, No Shirt, No Mask, No Service” (business sign)
“Nobody’s heard from the Zamboni drivers since the NHL cancelled their season” (joke)
“Not to brag, but we haven’t been late for anything in over two weeks”
“Now I know why dogs get so excited to go for walks”
“Now is not the right time to surround yourself with positive people” (virus joke)
“Now is probably the perfect time to become a ventriloquist”
“Now Showing: No Close Encounters of Any Kind” (quarantine movie joke)
“Now that the gyms are closed, this summer is going to be about personalities”
“Now that the gyms are closed, this summer is going to be about personality”
“Now that we have everyone washing their hands correctly. Next week: turn signals”
“Of all the things I learned in grade school, how to avoid cooties was the last I expected to use”
“Ok, so if the Corona virus isn’t about beer, why do I keep hearing about cases of it?”
“On the first day of Covid my true love coughed on me”
“One day in 2033, we shall witness the rise of THE QUARANTEENS”
“Our cleaning lady just called and told us she will be working from home”
“Overslept this morning, was late getting to the living room”
“Pandemic jokes are only funny if everyone gets it”
“Pandemic jokes are the funniest because everyone gets it”
“Panic buying ice cream & tinned fruit? Are you planning to self isolate for a month of sundaes?”
“Paranoia has reached absurd stages. I sneezed on my laptop and the anti-virus started a scan”
“People getting off house arrest now must really be pissed off” (2019–20 coronavirus pandemic)
“People have become so brainwashed that they think health comes from masks and needles”
“People must not cough near you, they must cough far away…” ("far cough")
“People say your senior year flies. I just didn’t realize it would Zoom” (Class of 2020 joke)
“People used to cough to cover up a fart. Now they fart to cover up a cough!” (virus joke)
“People who are enjoying lockdown have ‘stuck home’ syndrome”
“People who are quarantining in jeans: what are you trying to prove”
“People who used to be late and blamed it on traffic are still late to their zoom meetings”
“Practice safe six” (six feet apart social distancing)
“Pretty weird how we are all living in a time where not going to the gym is considered healthy”
“Pretty wild how we used to eat cake after someone had just blown air from their mouth onto it”
“Put a different drink in every room of the house and pretend you’re on a pub crawl”
“Putting on a mask to walk ten feet through a restaurant…”
“Quarantine Day 20: Today, I melted an ice cube with my mind by just staring at it”
“Quarantine has made me a bigger, better person… Well, bigger anyway”
“Quarantine has really showed me you don’t need fun to have alcohol”
“Quarantine has turned us into dogs. We roam the house all day looking for food…”
“Quarantine is when you lock down the sick. Tyranny is when you lock down the healthy”
“Quarantine is when you restrict the movement of a sick person. Tyranny…of a healthy person”
“Quarantine is when you restrict the movement of sick people. Tyranny…of healthy people”

Posted by Barry Popik
New York CityGovernment/Law/Politics/Military/ Religion • Tuesday, September 29, 2020 • Permalink