A plaque remaining from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem.

Above, a 1934 plaque from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem. Discarded as trash in 2006. Now a Popeye's fast food restaurant on Google Maps.

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Entry from March 19, 2020
150+ Coronavirus (COVID-19) pandemic quotes, jokes, riddles, puns, pickup lines, memes and terms

The 2019–20 coronavirus (COVID-19) outbreak was eventually declared to be a worldwide pandemic. Here are some associated quotes, jokes, riddles, puns, pickup lines, memes, portmanteaus, acronyms and terms.

CENSORSHIP NOTE: Please share this page. Although this website has over 23,500 entries, and this web page has more coronavirus entries than any other, I do not make enough money to pay web expenses and do this at a loss. If you search for “coronavirus” + “jokes” and “memes” on Google, my website doesn’t show up. If you add “barrypopik,” Google still gives you results that do not contain “barrypopik.” Even “Big Apple” is censored so I get no pageviews. Again, please share.


Wikipedia: 2019-20 coronavirus outbreak
The 2019–20 coronavirus outbreak is an ongoing global outbreak of coronavirus disease 2019 (COVID-19) caused by the SARS coronavirus 2 (SARS-CoV-2). The disease was first identified in Wuhan, Hubei, China on 1 December 2019, spreading to every province-level administrative division of the country by 29 January 2020. On 30 January, the World Health Organization declared the outbreak a Public Health Emergency of International Concern following an increase in the number of cases outside China.

“A man doesn’t walk into a bar…” (bar joke, told during COVID-19 bar closures)
“A man doesn’t walk into a pub…” (pub joke, told during COVID-19 pub closures)
“All countries got Coronavirus eventually, but China got it right off the bat”
“Baby, do you need toilet paper? Because I can be your Prince Charmin” (pickup line)
“Back in my day, the only time we started panic buying was when the bartender yelled ‘last call‘“
“Back in my day…there was so much toilet paper, people used to string it up in the trees”
“Back in my day…there was so much toilet paper, people were stringing it up in the trees”
“Because of the cancellation of all sports events ESPN will be covering live toilet paper wrestling”
“Being part of a major historical event sucks” (2019–20 coronavirus pandemic)
“Can’t wait til tomorrow. I have another big day of hand washing & looking out the window planned”
“CONTAGIOUS in a sentence: it will take the CONTAGIOUS to finish painting her house with a brush”
“Coronavirus be canceling everything but my bills”
“Coronavirus is canceling everything but my bills”
“Coronavirus is like pasta. Made by Chinese. Spread by Italians. Supersized by Americans”
“Coughing in public is the new speaking Arabic at airports”
“Coughs and sneezes spread diseases”
“Crazy times we are living in. I used to cough to hide a fart. Now I fart to hide a cough”
“Day 6 of quarantine. Preparing to take out the garbage. So excited can’t decide what to wear”
“Do you know why people are buying up all the toilet paper? Because people are losing their shit”
“Due to panic purchasing, Walmart has opened a second checkout lane”
“Due to panic purchasing, Walmart has opened a second register”
“Due to the quarantine… I’ll only be telling inside jokes”
“Even BINGO got canceled! This has never happened B4”
“Even BINGO got cancelled. This has never happened B4”
“Everything is cancelled. You know what’s not cancelled? Laundry. Laundry is never cancelled”
“Gas is finally affordable and we can’t go anywhere”
“Gas is finally affordable and we have no where to go”
“Gas is finally affordable and we have nowhere to go”
“Got a cold and it’s making me purchase new vehicles each day. Must be the ‘car owner’ virus”
“Have you noticed that since all the beauty salons have closed nobody’s taking selfies?”
“Hey Babe! Can I ship you a drink?” (socially distancing pickup line)
“Home schooled kids still have school” (snow/virus school closure joke)
“How come liquor stores don’t have empty shelves? People are about to be quarantined with spouses”
“I am tired of being a part of a major historical event” (2019–20 coronavirus pandemic)
“I don’t like to brag, but I’ve been avoiding people since way before the coronavirus”
“I need to practice social distancing from the refrigerator”
“I never thought I would see the day when weed was easier to get than toilet paper”
“I ran out of toilet paper, so have begun using old newspapers… The Times are rough”
“I really hope mailmen don’t start getting the Coronavirus. They’re really good carriers”
“I saw you from across the bar. Stay there” (social distancing pickup line)
“I think it’s great that people are finally going to drink water, wipe their ass, and wash hands”
“I tried to come up with a joke about social distancing. This is as close as I could get”
“I wanted to do panic buying, I checked my account… I can only panic”
“I wanted to do some panic buying today, but after checking my bank account all I can do is panic”
“I’ll tell you a coronavirus joke now, but you’ll have to wait two weeks to see if you got it”
“I’m deeply disturbed by how many people seem to see washing their hands as a new thing”
“I’m having a quarantine party this weekend! None of you are invited”
“I’m just a girl, standing 6 feet away from a boy. Asking him to maybe move back another foot”
“I’m so happy I don’t drive. Especially with all this car owner virus going around”
“I’m wondering… What should I wear to the couch tonight?” (quarantine joke)
“I’ve noticed a lot of you are not posting selfies anymore since the beauty salons have closed”
“If coronavirus doesn’t take you out, can I?”
“If COVID-19 doesn’t take you out, can I?”
“If Hooters closes and becomes delivery only, would they have to change their name to Knockers?”
“If the coronavirus doesn’t take you out, can I?”
“If you catch the coronavirus twice, is it called Dos Equis?”
“If you get corona virus twice, is it called Dos Equis?”
“If you have a threesome, you have the recommended six feet between you”
“In my day, the only time we started panic buying was when the barman shouted ‘last call‘“
“Is that hand sanitizer in your pocket or are you just happy to be within 6 feet of me?”
“It could be worse, you could be quarantined with me”
“Just to be clear, we have all agreed that liquor stores are ‘essential’ and schools are not”
“Just tried to buy toilet paper, but the grocery store’s supply was wiped out”
“Kinda starting to understand why pets try to run out of the house when the front door opens”
“Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end, the faster it goes”
“Life is like toilet paper. You’re either on a roll or taking crap from some asshole”
“Life is like toilet paper. You’re either on a roll or taking shit from some asshole”
“Many parents are about to discover that the teacher was not the problem” (homeschool)
“Maybe they should call it the Squirrel Flu because everyone is nuts and hoarding everything”
“My mom always told me I wouldn’t accomplish anything by laying in bed all day…” (joke)
“Nail Salons-Closed. Hair Salons-Closed. Lash Salons-Closed. It’s about to get real ugly out here”
“No one in Antarctica has COVID-19. It’s because they are ice-o-lated”
“Now is not the right time to surround yourself with positive people” (virus joke)
“Now Showing: No Close Encounters of Any Kind” (quarantine movie joke)
“Ok, so if the Corona virus isn’t about beer, why do I keep hearing about cases of it?”
“One day in 2033, we shall witness the rise of THE QUARANTEENS”
“Our cleaning lady just called and told us she will be working from home”
“Pandemic jokes are only funny if everyone gets it”
“Pandemic jokes are the funniest because everyone gets it”
“Panic buying ice cream & tinned fruit? Are you planning to self isolate for a month of sundaes?”
“Paranoia has reached absurd stages. I sneezed on my laptop and the anti-virus started a scan”
“People getting off house arrest now must really be pissed off” (2019–20 coronavirus pandemic)
“People used to cough to cover up a fart. Now they fart to cover up a cough!” (virus joke)
“People who are quarantining in jeans: what are you trying to prove”
“Put a different drink in every room of the house and pretend you’re on a pub crawl”
“Right now in America, it is easier to get an AR-15 than toilet paper”
“Since all the public libraries are closed, I’m checking you out instead”
“Since everyone’s now washing their hands, we’ll be working on shapes & colors next week”
“Since we’re all in quarantine, I guess we’ll be making only inside jokes from now on”
“So many coronavirus jokes are going viral, it a real pundemic!” (pun + pandemic)
“Suddenly, staying at home in underwear doing nothing is the most proactive thing you can do”
“The coronavirus? I’m not shaking hands because people are out of toilet paper”
“The coronavirus won’t last long because it was made in China”
“The guy who invented hand sanitizer must be rubbing his hands together right now”
“The kids asked what was for dinner and I told them ‘Scraps‘“
“The longer this goes on, the harder it’s going to be to return to society where bras are required”
“The longer this goes on, the harder it’s going to be to return to society where pants are required”
“The only non-essential business is government”
“The opposite of isolate is isoearly”
“The opposite of isolate is yousoearly”
“The person who invented hand sanitizer must be rubbing their hands together right now”
“The Quarantini. It’s just a regular martini, but you drink it all alone in your house”
“The Starbucks barista was wearing a face mask. It was a coughy filter”
“The toilet paper ‘crisis’ confirms that we have more assholes than we thought”
“The World Health Organization has said dogs are immune to COVID-19. WHO let the dogs out”
“They said a mask and gloves were enough to go to the grocery store…” (virus joke)
“They say keep your friends close, but your enemies closer… *coughs*”
“Time to change from my daytime pajamas to my nighttime pajamas” (quarantine joke)
“Toilet paper hoarding explained: Some people will be eating their own cooking”
“TP hoarding explained: Some people will be eating their own cooking for the first time in years”
“Walked into a post office and saw people wearing masks. Fortunately, it was just a robbery”
“We are about 3 weeks away from knowing everyone’s true hair color” (pandemic joke)
“We are entering an era of unprecedented recipe substitutions”
“What do you call an Instagram celebrity who got coronavirus?"/"An influenzer.”
“What goes great with a Coronavirus?"/"Lime disease.”
“What goes great with a Coronavirus?"/"Lyme disease.”
“What kills coronavirus?"/"Ammonia cleaner."/"Sorry, I thought you worked here.”
“What’s the opposite of isolate?"/"I so early.”
“What’s the opposite of isolate?"/"You so early.”
“What’s way more dangerous than the coronavirus? The belief that government cares about you”
“When this is all over, please continue to stay at least 6 feet away from me” (social distancing)
“Who called them ’surgical masks’ instead of ’coughy filters’?”
“Why do they call it the novel coronavirus? It’s a long story…”
“Without you, my life is as empty as the supermarket shelf”
“Wow.. bars, clubs, and gyms all closed? My life is about to seriously be exactly the same”
“WTF do you unemployed people do all fucking day? I’m going insane” (quarantine)
“Yo mama is so fat, the government cancelled her for being a mass gathering”
“You can’t spell quarantine without ‘u r a q t‘“ (pickup line)
“You can’t spell virus without U and I” (pickup line)
“You can’t spell virus without us” (pickup line)
“You know that stash of food napkins in your glove box? It’s their time to shine”
“You want to hear a coronavirus joke? You probably won’t get it”
Can’t Do Crap (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention or CDC nickname)
Car Owner Virus ("coronavirus” malapropism)
Center for Death and Chaos (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention or CDC nickname)
Center for Death and Corruption (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention or CDC nickname)
Center for Death Control (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention or CDC nickname)
Center for Disease Creation (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention or CDC nickname)
China Originated Virus In December 2019 (COVID-19 acronym/backronym)
Coveard (COVID-19/coronavirus + beard)
Covidiot (COVID-19 + idiot)
Flu Manchu (flu + Fu Manchu)
Flubro (flu + brother)
Fluther (flu + truther)
Infodemic (information + epidemic)
Isolationship
Kung Flu (kung fu + flu)
New York Tough (#NewYorkTough)
Panicdemic (panic + pandemic)
Plandemic (planned + pandemic)
Plandemic (plans + pandemic)
Plannedemic (planned + pandemic)
Pundemic (pun + pandemic)
Quaranteen (quarantine + teen)
Quaranteenager (quarantine + teenager)
Quarantini (quarantine + martini)
Quarantune (quarantine + tune)
Quarantween (quarantine + tween)
Scamdemic (scam + pandemic)
Social Disdancing (social distancing + dancing); DisDancing
World Homicide Organization (World Health Organization or WHO nickname)

Posted by Barry Popik
New York CityGovernment/Law/Politics/Military • Thursday, March 19, 2020 • Permalink