A plaque remaining from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem.

Above, a 1934 plaque from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem. Discarded as trash in 2006. Now a Popeyes fast food restaurant on Google Maps.

Recent entries:
“I know they didn’t ask for it, but I sent a stool sample in with my tax return” (2/21)
“Dear IRS tax refund, What’s the address? I’ll come get it myself” (2/21)
“Hating the IRS today is a great respite from hating my job” (2/21)
“Everybody hates white people, but everybody wants to live in their neighborhood” (2/21)
“I feel like the IRS be like ‘HEHE GIRL MATH’ when takin all our money” (2/20)
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Entry from July 25, 2015
Month 05—May

The following words or phrases are about May:
“April showers bring May mud”
“April showers bring May mud puddles”
“Boss, can I have a week off around Christmas?” (joke)
“Dismay: to insult the fifth month”
“Don’t prune in May or June” (gardening adage)
“I couldn’t find the mayonnaise until I looked between the Aprilonnaise and Juneonnaise”
“I just realized why this month is called ‘May.’ It may rain, it may snow…”
“I need a Maycation. I may come back and I may not”
“If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?”
“May is like the Friday night of summer”
“May is like the Thursday of summer”
“Mother Nature apologizes for the late arrival of Spring…”
“No winter lasts forever; no spring skips its turn”
“Sell in May and go away (buy back on St. Leger’s day)” (Halloween Indicator)
“Someone removed the fifth month from all my calendars. I am really dismayed”
“Spring is a lovely reminder of how beautiful change can truly be”
“Spring is when you feel like whistling even with a shoe full of slush”
“The government just banned the fifth month of the calendar year. Everyone was dismayed”
“What do you call mayonnaise left out for a month?”/“Juneonnaise.”
“What was invented before mayonnaise?”/“Aprilonnaise.”
“Who conducts the spring orchestra?”/“May-stro.”
Moving Day (May 1st)
MAY 4 (Star Wars’ Day)
“A stoner, a Jedi and a surgeon walk into a bar…” (bar joke)
“Come to the dark side. We have cookies”
“Come to the nerd side. We have Pi”
“Han Solo’s diet mainly consists of protein and fat… But he allows himself one carb a night”
“How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for his birthday?”/“He felt his presents.”
“How does Darth Vader like his coffee?”/“Black.”
“How does Darth Vader like his coffee?”/“Lukewarm.”
“How does Darth Vader like his coffee?”/“On the dark side.”
“I celebrate Cinco de Mayo so I get can drunk enough to forget yesterday’s ‘May the 4th’ jokes”
“I tried to force-feed our son when my wife said, ‘Use the fricking spoon. You’re not a Jedi‘“
“I’m on the Han Solo diet: I’m only eating one Carb’a’Night!”
“I’m still single on Star Wars Day. Apparently I’ve been looking for love in Alderaan places”
“May the Fourth be with you” (Star Wars Day, May 4th)
“My wife is leaving me because of my Star Wars obsession. I said, ‘May divorce be with you‘“
“Nobody blamed the light saber”
“Nobody blamed the lightsaber”
“Nobody blamed the lightsaber when Anakin killed the younglings”
“Only the empire should have guns”
“The lonely Trekkie at a Star Wars convention was looking for love in Alderaan places”
“What did the Jedi order at the Italian restaurant?”/“Only one cannoli.”
“What kind of sugar does Darth Vader prefer in his coffee?”/“Imperial Sugar.”
“What’s Darth Vader’s favorite Canadian dish?”/“Palpoutine.”
“Where does Darth Vader get his coffee?”/“The Death Starbucks.”
“Why did Anakin Skywalker cross the road?”/“To get to the Dark Side.”
“Why did Princess Leia contract coronavirus?”/“Because she went to woo Han.”
“Why did the Jedi cross the road?”/“To get to the Dark Side.”
MAY (first Friday) (International Tuba Day)
“What’s a tuba for?” (joke)
“What’s the range of a tuba?” (joke)
MAY 5 (Cinco de Mayo)
“Cinco De Mayo on Taco Tuesday and it’s ruined by a virus with the same name as a Mexican beer”
“Cinco de Mayo will fall on Taco Tuesday. This is it people. This is what we’ve been training for”
“Fiesta. Siesta. Repeat”
“Fiesta. Siesta. Tequila. Repeat”
“Happy Mexican St. Patrick’s Day” (Cinco de Mayo)
“I celebrate Cinco de Mayo so I get can drunk enough to forget yesterday’s ‘May the 4th’ jokes”
“I’m not above using obscure Mexican battles to justify my drinking” (Cinco de Mayo joke)
“March 17 is over, please resume your normal nationality. See you all on May 5”
“Seis de Mayo sucks ass”
“Tequila. Fiesta. Siesta. Repeat”
“The national arms are covered with glory” (Ignacio Zaragoza, after the battle of Cinco de Mayo)
“The only downside to Cinco de Mayo is Seis de Hangover”
“We go together like Corona and lime”
“What do you call a Mexican drowning in mayonnaise?”/“Sinko de Mayo.”
“What’s the only major difference between Cinco de Mayo and Saint Patrick’s Day?” (joke)
Cinco de Drinko (Cinco de Mayo + drink)
Cinco de Mayo (fifth of May)
Sinkhole de Mayo (May 2008 sinkhole in Daisetta)
May 5 (National Hoagie Day)
Hoagie (sandwich)
MAY 6 (Seis de Mayo)
“Seis de Mayo sucks ass”
“The only downside to Cinco de Mayo is Seis de Hangover”
MAY (second Sunday) (Mother’s Day)
“A good mother loves her children. A great mother still loves them when they’re teenagers”
“A grandmother is a babysitter who watches the kids instead of the television”
“A grandmother is a little bit parent, a little bit teacher, and a little bit best friend”
“A grandmother pretends she doesn’t know who you are on Halloween”
“A mother holds her children’s hands for a while, but their hearts forever”
“A mother is a person who, seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people…”
“Being a parent means knowing how to unwrap a Snickers without making any noise”
“Biology is the least of what makes someone a mother”
“Don’t forget to pick up wine for Mother’s Day. After all, you are one of the reasons she drinks”
“Don’t plant until Mother’s Day”
“Every restaurant be packed on Mother’s Day. But they want US to bbq on Father’s Day”
“Every restaurant is packed on Mother’s Day. But they want us to barbecue on Father’s Day”
“Father’s Day is just like Mother’s Day, only cheaper”
“Good moms have sticky floors, dirty ovens, and happy kids”
“Good moms let you lick the beaters. Great moms turn them off first”
“Grandmas are moms with lots of frosting”
“Grandmother—a wonderful mother with lots of practice”
“Happy Mother’s Day to the iPad that is raising your children”
“I had a pleasure trip—took my mother-in-law to the airport”
“I know how to do anything. I’m a mom”
“I told my mother-in-law to make herself at home, so she sold the place”
“If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?”
“If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy”
“It’s such a grand thing to be a mother of a mother — the world calls her grandmother”
“Life doesn’t come with a manual. It comes with a mother”
“Life was simpler when we honored father and mother rather than all major credit cards”
“Mixed emotions—when your mother-in-law drives your new car off a cliff”
“MOM stands for Mother, not Made Of Money”
“Moms are like buttons. They hold everything together”
“Motherhood: powered by love, fueled by coffee, sustained by wine”
“Mothers are those wonderful people who can get up in the morning before the smell of coffee”
“Nothing says Happy Mother’s Day like flowers bought from a gas station”
“The phrase ‘working mother’ is redundant”
“There’s no place like home, except grandma’s”
“There’s only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it”
Mom ‘n ‘em (Mom an’ ‘em)
Mom Wine (Mommy Wine)
Mother-in-Law of the Army (San Antonio nickname)
Mother-in-Law Sandwich (tamale with chili, usually in a hot dog bun)
Mother-in-Law Sandwich (tongue on rye; cold shoulder and lots of tongue)
MAY 13 (National Apple Pie Day)
“An apple pie without the cheese is like a kiss without the squeeze”
“As American as apple pie”
“Statistics are to baseball what a flaky crust is to Mom’s apple pie”
Apple Pie Trail (Blue Mountains, Ontario; Orange County, NY)
Cherpumple (cherry + pumpkin + apple)
MAY (last Monday) (Memorial Day)
“I only regret that I have but one life to lose for my country” (Nathan Hale)
“It is the soldier, not the reporter, who has given us freedom of the press”
“Memorial Day—honor their deaths by questioning anyone calling for more of them”
“Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it”
“Remember those who served before. Remember those who are no more…” (Memorial Day poem)
“The dead soldier’s silence sings our national anthem”
“They gave their tomorrow for our today”
“They gave their tomorrows for our todays”
“We come, not to mourn our dead soldiers, but to praise them”
“We don’t know them all, but we owe them all”
“When you go home, tell them of us and say, ‘For your tomorrow we gave out today‘“
Decoration Day
MAY 25 (National Wine Day)
MAY 28 (National Hamburger Day)
“(I will gladly pay you Tuesday for) A hamburger today”
“A hamburger walks into a bar…” (joke)
“Hamburgers love classical music. They go to the Meatropolitan Opera House and Cownegie Hall”
“Home of the 7 oz. Burger” (Jackson Hole)
“How did the jury find the hamburger?”/“Grill-ty as charred.”
“How do you make a cheeseburger sad?”/“Make it with blue cheese.”
“How do you make a hamburger laugh?”/“Pickle it.”
“How many hamburgers can you eat on an empty stomach?” (riddle)
“I dropped my burger on the floor. Now it’s ground beef”
“Sacred cows make the best hamburger”
“There is no Catholic way to cook a hamburger”
“What did the hamburger say when it pleaded ‘not guilty’?”/“I’ve been flamed!”
“Why did the teacher have her hair in a bun?”/“Because she had her nose in a hamburger.”
“World’s Greatest Hamburgers” (Fuddruckers slogan)
“Why does hamburger have less energy than steak?”/“Because it’s in the ground state.”
Alamo Burger
Balkan Burger (pljeskavica)
Barbecue Syndrome (Hamburger Disease: Barbecue Season Syndrome; Backyard Barbecue Syndrome)
Belly Bomb or Belly Bomber (White Castle hamburger nickname)
BILF (bacon or burger variant of MILF)
Border Burger (South of the Border Burger; Tex-Mex Burger)
Bulgogi Burger (Bulgoki Burger)
Burger (from “hamburger”)
Cannibal Sandwich (“hamburger in the raw” or “beef tartar”)
Chalupa Burger
Cheeseburger Capital of Texas (Friona nickname)
Chili Burger; Chili Dog
Chimichurri (Dominican Chimichurri Burger; Chimi Truck)
Chinese Hamburger (Rou Jia Mo)
Cuban Hamburger (Frita)
Fried Onion Burger (Onion Fried Burger; Onionburger)
Fusion Burger
Goober Burger or Goober Hamburger (hamburger with peanut butter)
Green Chile Burger/Green Chile Cheeseburger (Green Chili Burger/Green Chili Cheeseburger)
Hamburger & Fletcher Davis of Athens, TX (“Original Home of the Hamburger”?)
Hamburger Bun
Hamburger Disease (hemolytic uremic syndrome)
Hamburger Restaurant
Hamburger with everything; Hot Dog with everything; Pizza with everything
Hamburger with mustard and without ketchup (Cowboy Burger; Texas Burger)
Hamburguesa Mexicana (Mexican Burger)
Hamdog (hamburger + hot dog)
Hockey Puck (a burger, especially a hamburger cooked “well done”)
Hot Hamburger
Loose Hamburger (Loose Burger; Loose Coney; Coney Hamburger; Coney Island Hamburger)
Murder Burger
Nothing Burger (Nothingburger)
Patty (Hamburger Patty)
Pretzel Burger
Ramen Burger
Ranch Burger (Ranchburger; Ranchero Burger)
Rectum Rocket (White Castle hamburger nickname)
Sesame Seed Bun (hamburger bun)
Sissy Burger (hamburger with mayonnaise and without ketchup or mustard)
Slider or Slyder (mini-hamburger)
Southwest Burger (Southwestern Burger)
SXSW (Somebody buy Some Whataburger)
Tenement House in a Shower of Rain (hamburger steak and gravy)
Texas Burger (with pastrami)
Tostada Burger
Two-Napkin, Three-Napkin, Four-Napkin or Five-Napkin Burger
Yankee Burger (hamburger with ketchup)

Posted by Barry Popik
New York CityCalendar • Saturday, July 25, 2015 • Permalink

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